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View Full Version : The Twelve Days of Christmas: or, Why Optimism Always Wins



Apathy is
09-03-2015, 08:34 PM
Once upon a time there was a woman named Julia.

Julia had recently ended a relationship with a beautiful, but bitter young man. Actually, he had been the one to end it. He’d often complained that he found her boundless optimism annoying, and he’d never really seem to share her sense of humor.

But she had been surprised and distressed by his abrupt departure from their anniversary picnic. Sure a bird had pooped on their pears and stolen half of the cheese, but they still had the wine and boiled eggs he’d packed. As he’d evidently forgotten about her egg allergy, there would have been plenty to fill him up. When she’d tried to cheer him up, saying he could have all the eggs (she didn’t want to distress him further by pointing out he’d forgotten her allergy) and she would be fine with the wine and the slightly nibbled cheese, he’d stormed off with the basket, shouting he was done and mumbling about how bizarre it was to never be bothered by anything.

When she’d arrived at the trail head to find the car gone, she’d thought, Well, at least we hadn’t poured the wine; I’ll have plenty for the 10 mile walk home. She had been a bit worried about him, though. He’d been in such a state when he’d left. She hoped he’d calmed down enough to get home safely.

Her spirits had temporarily flagged when she’d arrived at their small apartment to find her her cat, Elmer, in a carrier, next to her purse just outside the locked door. Evidently the 3 hours it had taken her to get home had not been enough for him to cheer up, and he’d really meant it when he’d said he was done. She’d trudged to her car, making only half-hearted attempts to reassure Elmer that everything would be ok, because really, she wasn't sure it would, and she didn’t want to lie to him.

But then Julia found he’d thoughtfully loaded the car with most of her belongings, even thinking to cover the more tempting items, like her laptop, with piles of her clothes, and she began to feel better. Looking back, she did wish he’d included the container for the cat food he’d so kindly provided; it had taken her quite a while to collect all the kernels from the floor boards and there was still a bit of a lingering smell, but Elmer had helped find the stray pieces, and even seemed to quite enjoy it.

Now, six months later, things were going fairly well. She’d been a little short on funds for new housing, so at first she’d stayed at her parents small apartment in the city. But Elmer hated being locked inside, Frank showed no sign of changing his mind, and her parents were soon due their annual 3 week stay in the apartment, so after a week, she’d moved to the farm her family owned, 2 hours north of the city.

Long ago it had been a great fruit plantation, home to her great, great, great-grandparents and their 12 children. A small village had grown up around it to support the dozens of workers needed to run the plantation. But when all the men of the family and village went off to WWII, and her maternal great-grandmother, the only girl in the family, left to play for the new professional women’s baseball league, the family had parceled out much of the land to the families of workers that had kept the farm running for so long, and her grandmother, and then her mother, had inherited the remaining land with its plantation house and all the cabins built by the non-inheriting younger children and grandchildren, who had long since left.

Her mother still hoped to retire to the farm, but several years earlier her father had been given the opportunity to live out his dream of being a professional iceberg mover, so for now she lived on various ships in the arctic, and the farm was left to Julia.

She’d chosen one of the small cottages that seemed in the least poor condition, and begun fixing it up. Her mother helped her paint during her annual visit. So far, the kitchen and bedroom looked great and she was considering reestablishing some of the fruit orchards and maybe planting a raised vegetable garden.

Day 1

One Monday in December, as she stood surveying land, trying to decide what she should plant and where, the UPS man arrived carrying a very oddly shaped package.

“Hello,” she said, “Is that… whatever that is… for me?

“Are you Julia Upside?”

“Yes, that’s me. Is that package… squawking?”

“Yep, or chirping maybe. ” said the man, looking slightly amused. “It has a nice floral scent as well.”

“How odd,” Julia said.

As the UPS man returned to his truck, she opened the letter attached to the package.




Dear Julia,


I know we did not part on the best terms, and that has been bothering me. I
wanted to give you this little token to remember me by. A few other items will
follow.


Yours,


Frank



“Oh,” Julia said as she tore the wrapping away, “It’s a little tree! I think it’s a pear tree. With it’s own sweet little bird. Well that answers what I should plant first. How lovely.” The Cornell Lab app on her phone quickly informed her that the bird was a partridge, it was female, and would probably prefer to live in a flock.

“I'm afraid I don't have any other partriges for you, little one, but you are still welcome to stay if you like.” And she went to get a shovel to plant the tree.


Day 2

The next day, while she was watering her new pear tree, the UPS truck pulled up again, and out got the UPS man with a package that was strikingly similar to the the first she’d received and a smaller square box that was decidedly noisy and more than a little smelly.

“Oh my,” Julia said to the man.

“Hey,” he replied, “I was curious about what was in the first package, so I was glad to come back, even if this other package could smell a little better.”

“Oh!” Julia said, pointing at the little tree she was watering, “It was a pear tree. Isn’t it lovely? And the chirping was from a little partridge. She’s around here somewhere. I thought she might leave to find herself a flock, but so far she's stayed.”

“Now she has one buddy, at least,” said the man, handing over the new pear tree. “And you do actually need more than one pear tree if you want to get pears. There are some sort of pigeon things in here, judging from the cooing, maybe they’ll be friends with the partriges.“

Julia took the smaller package, wrinkling her nose and listening.

“Doves.” she said frowning. “I don’t really like doves. At my last apartment, doves nested in all the trees. They never shut up and they were constantly flying into the windows and stunning themselves. Frank must have thought I actually liked them - I was forever rescuing the witless things and taking them to the only vet nice enough to take them in - but really, I just didn’t want my cat to distribute small bits of them about the yard.”

“Do you know the wretched things are federally protected? You can get a license to hunt them, but otherwise you aren’t supposed to mess with them. Makes perfect sense, right? I always had to fill out paperwork on them, and I worried I would eventually get in trouble for ‘interfering’ with so many of them.”

“Definitely a bit odd to send someone trees and birds,” the UPS guy said a little dubiously, “He must really think you like them. The pear trees are nice anyway.”

As the UPS guy returned to his truck, Julia opened the box of doves. They cocked their little heads and cooed indignantly at her, then flew to the first pear tree.

After consulting her gardening app, Julia planted the second pear tree about 12’ from the first, accompanied by the doves incessant cooing. She glared at them. “Feel free to return to where ever you came from. Really, I can’t think you’ll like it here at all. I have a cat. And two partridges. You’ll never get along.”

“Coo-coo-ca-coooo,” they replied.

Apathy is
09-03-2015, 11:11 PM
Day 3

Wednesday morning dawned cold and clear, and Julia drove to the hardware store for wood for her raised planters. As she turned back into her driveway, she saw the UPS truck parked between her two pear trees, and the UPS man petting a now ecstatically-happy Elmer.

“Hello again!” she said, smiling at the man. Then she heard the packages: two familiar, and a new one, slightly larger then the second, and substantially noisier and smellier.

“Are there chickens in there?” she asked in a half-yelp. “Whatever can he be thinking?”

The UPS man, laughed. “I asked the same thing when I saw the box, though I wasn’t so polite.”

“Oh dear,” Julia said, “having all these birds in your truck must not be nice at all.” I’m awfully sorry! Can I at least offer you a cup of coffee? Some Febreeze?”

“That’s all right,” he said, “but what are you going to do with the chickens? I’d say there are at least 3 in there.”

“I have no idea! I have always wanted to have chickens, but I was thinking maybe in the spring. Maybe Frank heard I had moved out here and thought I’d be ready for them now?”

“I don’t think so. See, he’s sent everything to an address in the city, but you filed a change of address with us so here they are.”

“Oh.” Julia said, disappointed. “Maybe he thought the yard at my parent’s place was bigger than it is. He’s only ever heard of it…”

“Maybe,” the man said, clearly dubious.

“Oh wait! Julia exclaimed suddenly. “All that wood I just bought. And I even got chicken wire. I was going to make some raised gardens,” she explained, “and the chicken-wire was for the tomatoes, but it looks like I’ll be building a chicken coop now…”

“Right. Well, good luck with that. I’ll see you tomorrow,” said the UPS guy.

Julia looked up in surprise, “Oh, surely not! He must be done now… Don’t you think?” She trailed off as he raised one quizzical eyebrow.

“Not that I don’t enjoy the daily visit,’ she added hastily, “but I’ll be out all day tomorrow.”

“No worries,” the man said tranquilly, turning back to his truck, “none of these requires a signature. I’ll just leave them in the shade of the three pear trees.”

“I really don’t think he’ll send anything more,” she called after him, but he just laughed and climbed in his truck.

Julia unwrapped the tree, freeing the newest partridge, then reluctantly let out the doves. Looking ruefully at the loudly squawking box, she said, “Sorry girls, your going to have to sit tight for a while.” Then she downloaded a chicken coop building app and set to work. It was nearly midnight when Julia gently unwrapped the now sleeping chickens and moved them into the coop. It still needed nesting boxes and a hinge for the door, but she was pleased with what she’d accomplished.

Julia looked regretfully at the new pear tree. “I’ll try to plant you tomorrow. You’ll be all right in a pot for another day.”

Day 4

When her alarm went off at 6 am, Julia rose, muscles aching from the previous day’s exertion, fed the cat, and set out for the city. It seemed that places with a plentiful supply of icebergs to move tended to have a rather less plentiful supply of creature comforts, and her parents had made some requests.

She returned home around sunset, to find a hand written note reading “I told you so! See you tomorrow.” next to three familiar packages and the new one, very similar to the second. “Good grief, has he sent me 4 of the wretched doves this time?” But the package emitted a shrilly un-dovelike shriek when she, a little apprehensively, began to open it. As the first bit of light found its way into the box, a bright orange beak pushed its way through the opening, followed by a large, followed by a sleek, black head, from which a large black eye regarded her balefully.

“Are you a blackbird, then?” The bird hooked its gleaming beak into the cardboard next to it, and with a tremendous rip, it pulled free and flew to the second pear tree, quickly followed by its 3 fellows. They watched her disdainfully.

“Well, I don’t much like you either,” she told them.

“I think I need to send Frank a thank you note. Perhaps he doesn’t realize he’s sending duplicate gifts…”

Apathy is
09-04-2015, 02:15 PM
*** Removed. Because it is an entirely different story and makes no sense in the middle of this one.

Am I allowed only the one thread? Is there a certain amount of time I need to wait before starting another? And yes, I read the "read this first" post. I'm still unclear. I posted the two stories on different days, at least in my time zone, I added additional chapters of the first story to this same thread, and two is hardly "numerous."

I see a number of other authors with several threads going simultaneously. I don't see any other threads with one story stuck partway through another. My second story didn't "bump" anyone else down; no one else has posted anything in days. Moving it to the middle of this story doesn't even remove the thread title, so accomplishes absolutely nothing in the way of making other authors' work more visible.

I'm sorry to make a fuss about it. But is does feel a bit like, Ock. I can't be bothered to comment on this tiresome drivel. I'm sure she'll get the point this way. Call me a talentless drudge or a petulant brat, if you like, but at least do it openly.

Apathy is
09-04-2015, 02:36 PM
Day 5

Friday morning, Julia sat on her porch, waiting for the UPS man. She considered the two pear trees that still needed to be planted and the unfinished chicken coop, but she was hoping the UPS guy would join her for a cup of coffee. After all, she had a fresh pot right there. So she stayed where she was. I should really ask his name, she said to herself.

Three cups later, it began to rain, and Julia reluctantly went inside to compose that thank you note. It seemed the gifts had come to an end.


Dear Frank,

It was ever so lovely of you to send such interesting gifts. It is certainly fortunate that I moved to the farm a few months ago or I can’t imagine what I would have done with it all. I love the pear trees, the partridges are quite sweet, and I have always wanted chickens! I can see how you would think I have a particular fondness for doves as I rescued so many of them, but I’m a bit stymied by the blackbirds; they are rather creepy, really. At least they are not those horrid crows from “The Birds.” And now that they had acclimated to their new location, and stopped their piercing screech, their song is rather lovely.

In any event, you can consider yourself quite forgiven for any harshness at our parting, you have more than made up for it. I do hope you are doing well.

Yours,

Julia


Just as she finished folding the letter into an envelope, she heard a knock at the door. She opened it to find the UPS guy standing there. “Oh,” she said, “I’d thought maybe the odd gifts were done. I was a bit disappointed, really. Not by the lack of additional birds, don’t worry,” she said, seeing his startled look, “but I hadn't even thought to ask your name.”

“I'm Paul,” he said. “I decided to save your house for last. I noticed you have a few un-planted trees there,” the corner of his mouth twitched slightly, “thought maybe I could give you hand with those?”

“That would be great!” She exclaimed. “Oh, what's this?”

Paul handed her a small box. “The new package.”

“Oh.” She said again. “Well, at least it not more birds.”

“Right,” he grinned, “I left all those out with the trees. And my shovel.”

Laughing, she opened the box. And found five rings, each in gold, adorned with small stones or worked gold embellishments.

Paul looked from the rings to her. “They don’t exactly look your style.”

“No.” She eyed the rings critically, “I'm not much of a jewelry person at all, really, and I never wear gold.” She picked up one of the rings, “Does it seem greasy to you?

“Yeah. Weird.”

“I think,” she said slowly, “they are those rings that come in candles. You know, you always see the fake news story ads for them: ‘Woman Finds Ring Worth $5000 in Candle.’ We used to make fun of them all the time. I guess he thought I’d get a kick out of them.”

“I’d say that’s a pretty optimistic view of his motivation.”

She grinned, “That’s me! Always optimistic. It used to drive him nuts.”

“Uh huh.” Paul said. “OK. Background?”

“Sure. Let me grab a shovel, I’ll tell you the whole sordid tale while we plant the trees. You want a beer?”

So they spent the afternoon and evening digging holes and sipping beer while she told Paul all about Frank, the final picnic, her abrupt relocation, and how she ended up on the farm. Paul listened quietly, making few comments, only raising one amused eyebrow when she related the fulfilling her father’s employment aspirations, laughing with her at the more absurd parts, and agreeing noncommittally at her ever-cheerful rationalizations of everything that had happened.

“He really was a bit harsh there at the end,” she said finishing up her story, “so I guess he’s trying to make up for it with all these gifts.”

He looked at her for a moment, then said, “Well, you certainly know how to tell a good story. And I get the bird/pear tree thing more now. Sort of. But you don’t really believe he was so… well-intentioned, I guess, as you make out, do you?”

She sighed, "No, I suppose not. But there’s no sense in dwelling on being the target of someone’s petty meanness. It doesn’t change what happened. Plus, I don’t like to think that I was ever attracted to someone like that. You see? And he is sending me all these gifts. Perhaps he converted to Judaism and doesn’t realize Hanukah has passed? He never was very good with dates…”

The eyebrow shot up again.

“Oh, all right. There’s probably some-less-than positive motivation behind them. He doesn’t have enough of a sense of humor to have meant them to be funny. I thought the partridge in the pear tree was quite clever, actually, I was surprised he came up with it. To think he thought it was all going to the apartment - Ha! What would the landlord say? - so I’m sure he intends them to be a nuisance.”

“More like to get you kicked out,” Paul suggested.

“I don’t think he could be that cruel…” she said weakly.

Only Paul’s eyebrow answered.


Day 6

Julia waited expectantly for the UPS truck to make its daily stop. It seemed like years since she had laughed as much as she had with Paul the previous day. When he arrived, he pulled out a positively enormous box and announced, “More birds! Frank is one crazy dude.”

Or that’s what she thought he said, it was a little hard to tell over the raucous honking escaping the violently shaking box.

“Geese? Really? And naturally, there will be 6 of them. It’s a good thing this property has a lake. Though,” she added thoughtfully, “I don’t think Frank knew that.”

“No doubt he would have chosen something else if he had,” Paul said equably.

“Do you want to help me take it down to the lake?” she asked, “I don’t think I want to let them out anywhere near the house.”

After releasing the other birds, putting the chickens in the coop, and planting the latest pear tree, they gingerly carried the huge, honking, shuddering box to the lake, and wearing heavy gardening gloves, Julia tore it open. The geese immediately emerged, flapping and stretching their necks angrily. Then, as one, they seemed to notice the lake and flocked to it. There they bobbed peaceably, looking innocent and calm.

“Oh, maybe they’re not so bad,” she eyed them warily, “They quite beautiful, there, all together.”

“Uh huh,” said Paul, “I’ll keep my distance.”

“So. How are you with a skill saw?” Julia asked as they walked back up to the house.

“Good enough,” he answered, and she knew that meant very good, indeed.

“Tomorrow is Sunday, right? No UPS deliveries.” She glanced at him. His eyebrow lifted ever so slightly and the corner of his mouth twitched. “It’s just, well, it’ll be very nice to have a break from all the birds and trees,” she continued, “but the last bit of the chicken coop would go much more easily with another person. Could you bear to make the extra trip out?

“I think I can manage,” he replied.