50 Funny Poems

[xlwoo]

(1)
Last night I dreamed an antelope,
Who had with him a pink envelope,
Which he'd mail to a lady antelope,
Asking her with him to elope.
But he's tripped on a steep slope,
And lost his dear envelope.
So it didn't reach the lady antelope.
So the poor thing failed to elope.

[YesNo]

Looking forward to the other 49. I can also see the last line being: "So he didn't have to elope."

[xlwoo]

(2)
There is a bridegroom,
Born in the birth boom,
Which puts the nation in gloom.
If there'll be another such boom,
For which the world has no more room,
And humans will be in doom.
He inherits a large heirloom,
Only for him soon to toom.
He will have wedding in a ballroom.
His bride is like a beautiful bloom,
From afar she's got to loom,
Like a witch riding on a broom,
Or a yacht on the sea to spoom,
Through the hot simoom.
Oohm!

[xlwoo]

(3)
Yesterday I was in a bad mood
And hit myself with a piece of wood.
Luckily on my head I wore a hood,
Which did me a lot of good.
I did this when I stood,
Though I bled a little blood,
that stained the flood.
I had a little brood,
That weighed some pood.
I swore by the Rood,
A chick on head wore a snood.

[xlwoo]

(4)
There was a girl in bootee,
Who lived on the Santee,
And worked as a tutee.
But it was known to a tee
That she was a reportee,
Though she came as a legatee.
Her lawyer sat on a settee.
He put on a coatee,
Strangely wearing puttee,
And actually with a goatee.
Though he's quick at repartee,
Even in a legal committee,
But there's still no guarantee.

[xlwoo]

(5)
It is now in August.
I want to make a bust,
After a model robust,
By using rock crust,
Mixed with some dust,
All into the mold thrust,
Put on fire to combust,
The temperature adjust,
By letting in gust after gust.
If this is a must,
You can in me trust,
And do me the just.
My skills never rust.
Don't take me as a locust,
Which to me so disgust.

[xlwoo]

(6)
It is not so cool,
Often spit and drool,
And use a wood spool,
As a picking tool,
Look just like a fool.
Better go to the school,
To swim in the pool,
Then sit on the stool,
Covered with wool.

[xlwoo]

(7)
On a film reel,
I see a yellow eel
In a twig-woven creel,
That is slippery to feel.

On a crooked keel,
The ship does heel,
With a steering wheel
That is made of steel.

[xlwoo]

(8)
There was a baboon,
Holding a balloon,
And playing a bassoon
Just like a buffoon.

A silkworm in a cocoon
Adorned with festoon,
Be put on a spoon,
Fallen into a spittoon.

I do have a croon,
Who is a dragoon,
Who can write lampoon,
His weapon is a harpoon,
Used to catch fish in lagoon.
I know a poltroon,
Living in a saloon,
Wearing a coat of shalloon,
Who can cook macaroon,
For his lunch every noon,
Or for supper under moon,
Sometimes feed a raccoon.
Some soldiers from Rangoon.
They form a platoon,
Crossing a river on pontoon,
Either through a monsoon,
Or even in a typhoon,
Not caring for swoon.
Let's tell the story soon.

[xlwoo]

(9)
It is indeed
I have a secret creed
To fulfill a great deed,
All expectation to exceed,
And to attract all heed,
Till I do succeed,
Or my heart will bleed.
I want to have the best breed
Of the swiftest steed,
That can gallop at top speed.
What to them I feed
Is the ambrosia seed
Of the heavenly weed
And Martian reed.

[xlwoo]

(10)
It is not a toilet to flush,
With water in it to gush;
It is really a bush,
Looking so lush,
Like a giant brush.

Can a pretty thrush
Show a shy blush,
Or leap in slush,
Without hasty rush,
Or needs to push?
Let's just hush--
Sh—sh!

[xlwoo]

(11)
There is a small mill,
Stands on a clear rill,
At the foot of a hill;
To run it needs a skill.

I have a great will,
I want to fulfill:
To put a dinosaur on grill,
With a beer to swill.
I have a stomach to fill.
I am in great thrill,
With my voice so shrill,
Sharp like tip of a quill.
Almost let beer spill.
I have to hold it still,
And lay it on the sill.
Then I am taken ill,
Feeling really chill,
And must take a pill.
So I can't go to drill
To have free time kill.

[xlwoo]

(12)
I take my son to zoo.
He likes the cockatoo,
And also the kangaroo,
but takes it for bugaboo.
In fear he does boohoo,
Being bold, he did ballyhoo.
He also loves the cuckoo,
And hears the doves coo.
The polar bear in the igloo.
He's dressed like a buckaroo.
He prefers to eat burgoo.
The cows nearby moo,
In great hullabaloo.
To them he says, “Boo!”
Birds sing in a grove of bamboo.
They seem each other to woo.
My wife comes, too,
On her arm is a tattoo,
And in hand a shampoo.
She likes to surf YAHOO,
And often talks wahoo.
She always ignores taboo,
At last meets her Waterloo.

[xlwoo]

(13)
There was a wise cook,
Cooking all food by book,
He'd do it by hook
Or by crook,
To give it a good look.
He never forsook.
His will never shook.

[xlwoo]

(14)
I often recall
Once in a mall,
I did get a call,
by a bookstall,
To ask me to buy a ball,
Not big, not small,
At the entrance hall,
Behind a statue tall.
But I got a fall,
By bumping on a wall,
And lost the ball.
That's all.

[YesNo]

Interesting use of a single rhyme throughout these poems.

[xlwoo]

(15)
It is New Year's bell,
Not funeral knell,
To go to the hell,
Sounding in a dell,
Shaped like shell,
With winds so snell.

In a pretty cell,
Seven dwarfs dwell.
They can cast spell,
By a weird yell,
Producing a smell,
Like a bubble to swell.
They make coats of fell
That they want to sell.
It's a bad story to tell.
Well, well, well!

[xlwoo]

(16)
Under a French arcade,
There was a file of brigade
Of the fiercest crusade,
Waving the bright blade,
In capes of brocade,
With fringes like cascade.
Helmets adorned with jade,
Looking like king of spade.
Then farewell they bade,
And marched to the glade,
Playing the serenade,
In glorious parade,
The roads to blockade,
Pedestrians forbade.
Other states they did invade,
And ancient wars they made,
No one could them dissuade.
They threw a lot of grenade,
And passengers to evade.
Streams they did wade,
And rested in the tree shade,
Cooled in wind of trade.
They drank the lemonade,
And ate bread of marmalade.
At last their halo did fade,
After a victorious decade.

[xlwoo]

(17)
I'm not surely aware
If I readily prepare
To hunt for a red hare
That is kind of rare.
I ride on a pretty mare,
With my head bare.
At the target I stare,
And meanwhile I blare,
To make the hare scare,
Which falls into a snare.

I had a nightmare:
There was a warfare,
On a wide square,
None yet did declare,
Only sounded fanfare,
Searchlights did glare,
No life to spare,
Only death to share.
Who would really care
For people's welfare?

[xlwoo]

(18)
Once pregnant was my wife.
She then needed a midwife,
Who could play the fife,
but brought a knife.
So they fell in a strife.
Such things did happen in life.

[xlwoo]

(19)
There was a wicked witch,
Who had power to bewitch,
Doing anything without a hitch.
She could turn you into a *****,
Or fling you into a dirty ditch,
Or make you severely itch,
Or put you in dark pitch,
Or beat you by switch,
Or sew your lips stitch by stitch.
She would your heart snitch,
So as to make you twitch.

[xlwoo]

(20)
I am now a retiree.
I was a football referee,
Though I don't have a degree.
Who's wrong I'll decree.
No one can disagree.
One day I was free,
And obtained an entree,
To a friendly soiree,
For a merry jamboree,
To enjoy an evening spree.
I ate some puree,
And drank sangaree.
I took leave at three,
Being drunk, I ran into a tree.

[xlwoo]

(21)
There's the hero Galahad,
In a coat of mail clad,
Heading a brave squad,
Marching toward Bagdad,
To catch a low cad
And his wicked dad.
On the way what he had?
This valiant clever lad.
Why was he so glad,
Or sometimes so mad?
For he met a dryad,
And then a naiad.
This was not bad.
The story was not sad.

[xlwoo]

(22)
Men come from clay,
But in naked array.
When east is still gray
Not yet the sun ray
Of the fine day,
They put on cosplay,
On the beach they play
By the Biscay bay.
It is a holiday,
Also their heyday.
They look like stray,
Roaming by railway,
No work and no pay.
Every night they'll lay
On some stacks of hay,
But they are so gay,
Though no food on tray.
They like thus ever to stay.
Their decision'll never sway.
It is just a hearsay,
I am told today.
So nothing you'd say.
Life is just this way.

[xlwoo]

(23)
In a heavy fog,
I take a noon jog,
And walk my dog.
I trip over a log,
And fall into a bog,
And meet a fat frog
Having a dialog
With a little hog,
Who is so agog
As if drunk with grog.
I put it in my blog.

[xlwoo]

(24)
There was a knight
With main and might.
He was once in sight
Of a lion on his right
On a mountain hight.
They got into a fight
From early daylight,
When the sun's bright,
To dusk and twilight,
Till the late night.
He held his spear tight.
The lion got in a plight,
Then it fell in fright,
And soon in flight.
He laughed in delight.

[xlwoo]

(25)
I never really think
At the far brink
Of a skating rink,
There is a mink
With a color of ink,
And spots of pink,
With an odor of stink.
So my heart does sink,
And I have to shrink.
My eyes do blink,
And then wink.
I've to buy a drink.

[xlwoo]

(26)
I had a bad bode
In mysterious code,
I couldn't forebode,
That my dear abode
Would soon explode
In a tragic mode.
Ere it, away I strode,
And in a car I rode
To my new abode.
That's a bad episode
I'd like to write an ode.

[xlwoo]

(27)
In a mysterious zone,
The ground full of bone,
When the sun shone
Through broken ozone,
There was seen a crone,
Who lived sadly alone,
Wearing a hat of cone,
Laughing like bees drone,
Speaking in a weird tone,
To a stranger on the phone.
She sat on a seat of stone,
Looking like on the throne.

[xlwoo]

(28)
There was a big fellow,
Who married a widow,
Who often sat by window,
Which was painted yellow,
She often hugged a pillow,
Looking like in deep sorrow.
They'd no pelf, in it to wallow,
Only lived in a bungalow,
On a distant meadow,
Beside a hill so low;
A stream did flow
Which was shallow,
Thro the dale so narrow.
The water ran very slow.
None could see any billow.
The fellow did borrow
A sharp swift arrow
With a strong bow.
He shot a flying crow;
On its back was a sparrow.
He saw a cow below,
Hearing its bellow.
It rested under the shadow
Of a weeping willow.
In fields wheat did grow;
So did flowers blow.
After storm there did glow
In sky a colorful rainbow,
And also flew by a swallow,
With an eagle to follow.
The swallow hid in a hollow.
The eagle turned to attack a sow.
Then there came a heavy snow.
That's all what I know.
Nothing more I can show.

[xlwoo]

(29)
Once I saw a boat,
That by itself did float
On the water of a moat.
In it there was a goat,
Wearing a fur coat,
Taking a meal of oat,
That stuck in its throat.

[xlwoo]

(30)
I have a great wish
That life without anguish,
No swords to brandish,
No nations to perish,
None need to punish,
People not selfish,
And also not foolish,
Only love to cherish,
All business flourish,
Dainty food nourish,
With all kinds of fish
On every family's dish,
Good books publish,
Fine things never finish,
For benefits of the Polish,
For benefits of Spanish,
For benefits of Turkish,
for benefits of Swedish,
Also for the British,
Who speak English.
So the world will astonish.

[xlwoo]

(31)
Though I have the gout,
I still like to go out,
And in woods walk about.
My wife is so stout,
Religiously devout.
She loves to cook trout
With bamboo sprout.
She also likes to pout,
And loud to shout,
Which puts me to rout,
Even if I am a scout.

[xlwoo]

(32)
Once I was in Warsaw,
When the snow did thaw,
A flying crow I saw,
With sth in its claw,
And I heard its caw.
I had a picture to draw,
Of a lady in a rickshaw,
Drinking with a straw,
Of a boy on a seesaw,
Giving a merry guffaw,
Also a dog lifting its paw.
It used its strong jaw,
At a steak it did gnaw
Which was still raw.

[xlwoo]

(33)
I see the spire gleam
In the morn's sun beam.
I see spirally rising steam,
Over a distant stream.
I meet a friend in a team,
All are eating ice cream.
I'm awakened by a scream
From my multi-dream.

[xlwoo]

(34)
From poetry apart,
I like music and art,
Especially Mozart,
Who was so smart,
And in the most part
Fine melodies to impart.

Now I go to a mart,
So shopping does start.
Between lanes I dart,
And put things in a cart,
Including a box of tart,
Before I finish and depart.

[YesNo]

It's amazing how many words rhyme with "art".

[xlwoo]

[I just got what I know and can't tell how many in all.]

(35)
There was a nun,
Who liked to run
Under the hot sun.
She loved to eat bun,
And often had fun
By speaking a pun,
And carrying a gun;
People did stun,
And had to shun,
Away they did run.

[xlwoo]

(36)
I knew a pretty dame,
Who had a great fame,
Called Ellen by name,
From other state she came.
Her photo in a silver frame.
She liked to play game,
Forgetting the pan on flame;
To her it's really shame,
No one but her to blame.
She always did the same,
Giving excuse so lame.

[xlwoo]

(37)
One day I took a stroll,
While enjoying my troll.
I came across a roll
Of a painting scroll,
On which I saw a doll,
Sitting on top of a knoll,
Against a tree it did loll,
In a colored dress so droll.

[xlwoo]

(38)
Once I kept a fowl.
It got food from bowl.
I heard a dog howl,
Another dog growl,
And third dog yowl.
I had to scowl.
I liked hoot of owl.

[xlwoo]

(39)
In time of yore,
I was a man of lore.
I liked to explore
In ancient Baltimore,
And the Greek shore.
Their relics galore,
All I did adore.
For that I swore.
Their costume I wore,
Which unawares I tore.
The tear I couldn't ignore.
How could I it restore?
I could do nothing more,
but suffer my heart sore.

[xlwoo]

(40)
I saw my friend Frank,
An officer of high rank,
Standing on a plank,
Connecting to the bank;
His sword made a clank.
His mind looked blank.
He was lean and lank.
From a bottle he drank.
He's watching a tank,
Which slowly sank.
For that should I thank?

[xlwoo]

(41)
Agatha is a CLO,
Working in a PSO.
Alex is a CPO,
Working in CBO.
Alice is a CPO,
Working in a CAO.
Allan is a CFO,
Working in HMO.
Alvin is a CTO,
Working in CRO.
And I am the CEO,
Working in an NGO.
As I watch a movie of UFO,
Wishing I'd sip a glass of XO.

[xlwoo]

(42)
Once I went to Oslo,
From my home in Ohio.
There was a studio;
They're filming Othello.
Then I went to Cairo,
And visited a casino.
I listened to radio,
And a story in audio.
I danced the tango.
I played the cello,
And also the piano,
And too, the banjo.
I enjoyed my own solo,
Which in the hall got echo.
I liked to eat Oreo,
Together with mango.
I liked taking photo,
And played bingo.
I did ride on a buffalo.
Was I a real hero?

[xlwoo]

(43)
I live in a shack.
There is a track
Behind the back.
Here's my friend Jack,
Coming to me with snack,
Also carrying a big sack,
Of the color of black,
Inside some ducks quack,
He leaves a dog pack
Beside the hay stack.
He puts hat on the rack;
His pants are so slack,
With a sea smack.

[xlwoo]

(44)
When I am wide awake,
I feel a slight earthquake.
I put some dough on bake
And eat some cake.
I drive a car of good make,
Having trouble with brake.
I seem to see a deadly snake,
Which makes me shake.
My life is now at stake.
Oh, for goodness sake,
I find it is actually a fake,
As falls the snowflake,
And on the frozen lake,
I cannot see any drake.
Then I put down the rake,
From the trunk I did take,
Trying to hit the snake.

[xlwoo]

(45)
Once I lived in Monroe.
I often rode in a canoe,
And used lotion of aloe.
I loved to play the oboe.
When I saw a pretty doe
On a piece of floe,
I threw to it my shoe,
As if the doe was my foe.
Unluckily I hurt my toe,
And suffered sharp throe.
I was deeply in woe.

[xlwoo]

(46)
On hill top a girl does reside,
As from people she wants to hide.
And down at the hillside,
I come from afar to abide.
There's a meadow so wide.
For living I work as a guide;
In this job I do take pride.
Everyday in a bus I ride.
One day she and I “collide”.
Then she becomes my bride.
For it no one can us chide;
Our love lasts thro time and tide.

[xlwoo]

(47)
I have a friend Andew,
Who is a nice Jew,
And can read Hebrew,
And also likes to sew.
I have a nephew;
He's called Matthew,
Often looks at me askew.
He has strong sinew,
Which's as hard as screw.
He passed an interview,
Now works as ship crew.
And as he is there new;
To rules he has no clew.
On docks there's a fine view
Tho the gulls are so few.
One can hear his cat mew,
And smell his sweet stew.
And see him often chew
Sugarless gum and cashew.

[xlwoo]

(48)
When the sun doesn't appear,
The sky looks dull and drear,
Which makes my eyesight blear.
Then the thunder comes near,
Which deafens my ear,
Making me unable to hear.
Then the clouds are clear,
So gone is my dread and fear.
I hold up my spear,
To salute my dear,
With grateful tear,
My clothes to smear.

[xlwoo]

(49)
This wise ***,
Of course not crass,
Could play the bass,
That's made of brass.
He learned in a class.

Thro a window of glass,
He saw a pretty lass
Walking on the grass,
But he let her pass,
Following her to the mass.

[xlwoo]

I don't know why the word a-s-s becomes *.

[xlwoo]

(50)
Once I saw a vampire,
Looking so dire,
Riding on an old tire,
Flying over the spire.
All over I did perspire,
I could not even respire.
It could throw out fire,
but soon it went into mire.

I met a lady I did admire,
Whose love I did desire,
But how could I it acquire,
As my time would soon expire?
She was in beautiful attire,
Like coming from some empire.
My wooing put her in ire,
And to home she did retire.

[xlwoo]

I wrote only 50 poems of this kind. no more to post. thanks for the question.

[YesNo]

I like rhymes, but having only one rhyme sound focuses too much attention on that sound and not enough on the content of the poem.

[Pompey Bum]

I am a big fan of the A A A A etc. rhyme scheme myself. It is certainly an eccentric one, but it can be effective in some kinds of humor (as a sort of clever joke in itself) or with a spooky or obsessive sort of narrative. Tennyson demonstrates the effectiveness of the latter approach below. Bravo Lord Alfred and bravo xiwoo!

The Lady of Shalott (1832)
BY ALFRED, LORD TENNYSON

Part I
On either side the river lie
Long fields of barley and of rye,
That clothe the wold and meet the sky;
And thro' the field the road runs by
To many-tower'd Camelot;
The yellow-leaved waterlily
The green-sheathed daffodilly
Tremble in the water chilly
Round about Shalott.

Willows whiten, aspens shiver.
The sunbeam showers break and quiver
In the stream that runneth ever
By the island in the river
Flowing down to Camelot.
Four gray walls, and four gray towers
Overlook a space of flowers,
And the silent isle imbowers
The Lady of Shalott.

Underneath the bearded barley,
The reaper, reaping late and early,
Hears her ever chanting cheerly,
Like an angel, singing clearly,
O'er the stream of Camelot.
Piling the sheaves in furrows airy,
Beneath the moon, the reaper weary
Listening whispers, ' 'Tis the fairy,
Lady of Shalott.'

The little isle is all inrail'd
With a rose-fence, and overtrail'd
With roses: by the marge unhail'd
The shallop flitteth silken sail'd,
Skimming down to Camelot.
A pearl garland winds her head:
She leaneth on a velvet bed,
Full royally apparelled,
The Lady of Shalott.

Part II
No time hath she to sport and play:
A charmed web she weaves alway.
A curse is on her, if she stay
Her weaving, either night or day,
To look down to Camelot.
She knows not what the curse may be;
Therefore she weaveth steadily,
Therefore no other care hath she,
The Lady of Shalott.

She lives with little joy or fear.
Over the water, running near,
The sheepbell tinkles in her ear.
Before her hangs a mirror clear,
Reflecting tower'd Camelot.
And as the mazy web she whirls,
She sees the surly village churls,
And the red cloaks of market girls
Pass onward from Shalott.

Sometimes a troop of damsels glad,
An abbot on an ambling pad,
Sometimes a curly shepherd lad,
Or long-hair'd page in crimson clad,
Goes by to tower'd Camelot:
And sometimes thro' the mirror blue
The knights come riding two and two:
She hath no loyal knight and true,
The Lady of Shalott.

But in her web she still delights
To weave the mirror's magic sights,
For often thro' the silent nights
A funeral, with plumes and lights
And music, came from Camelot:
Or when the moon was overhead
Came two young lovers lately wed;
'I am half sick of shadows,' said
The Lady of Shalott.

Part III
A bow-shot from her bower-eaves,
He rode between the barley-sheaves,
The sun came dazzling thro' the leaves,
And flam'd upon the brazen greaves
Of bold Sir Lancelot.
A red-cross knight for ever kneel'd
To a lady in his shield,
That sparkled on the yellow field,
Beside remote Shalott.

The gemmy bridle glitter'd free,
Like to some branch of stars we see
Hung in the golden Galaxy.
The bridle bells rang merrily
As he rode down from Camelot:
And from his blazon'd baldric slung
A mighty silver bugle hung,
And as he rode his armour rung,
Beside remote Shalott.

All in the blue unclouded weather
Thick-jewell'd shone the saddle-leather,
The helmet and the helmet-feather
Burn'd like one burning flame together,
As he rode down from Camelot.
As often thro' the purple night,
Below the starry clusters bright,
Some bearded meteor, trailing light,
Moves over green Shalott.

His broad clear brow in sunlight glow'd;
On burnish'd hooves his war-horse trode;
From underneath his helmet flow'd
His coal-black curls as on he rode,
As he rode down from Camelot.
From the bank and from the river
He flash'd into the crystal mirror,
'Tirra lirra, tirra lirra:'
Sang Sir Lancelot.

She left the web, she left the loom
She made three paces thro' the room
She saw the water-flower bloom,
She saw the helmet and the plume,
She look'd down to Camelot.
Out flew the web and floated wide;
The mirror crack'd from side to side;
'The curse is come upon me,' cried
The Lady of Shalott.

Part IV
In the stormy east-wind straining,
The pale yellow woods were waning,
The broad stream in his banks complaining,
Heavily the low sky raining
Over tower'd Camelot;
Outside the isle a shallow boat
Beneath a willow lay afloat,
Below the carven stern she wrote,
The Lady of Shalott.

A cloudwhite crown of pearl she dight,
All raimented in snowy white
That loosely flew (her zone in sight
Clasp'd with one blinding diamond bright)
Her wide eyes fix'd on Camelot,
Though the squally east-wind keenly
Blew, with folded arms serenely
By the water stood the queenly
Lady of Shalott.

With a steady stony glance—
Like some bold seer in a trance,
Beholding all his own mischance,
Mute, with a glassy countenance—
She look'd down to Camelot.
It was the closing of the day:
She loos'd the chain, and down she lay;
The broad stream bore her far away,
The Lady of Shalott.

As when to sailors while they roam,
By creeks and outfalls far from home,
Rising and dropping with the foam,
From dying swans wild warblings come,
Blown shoreward; so to Camelot
Still as the boathead wound along
The willowy hills and fields among,
They heard her chanting her deathsong,
The Lady of Shalott.

A longdrawn carol, mournful, holy,
She chanted loudly, chanted lowly,
Till her eyes were darken'd wholly,
And her smooth face sharpen'd slowly,
Turn'd to tower'd Camelot:
For ere she reach'd upon the tide
The first house by the water-side,
Singing in her song she died,
The Lady of Shalott.

Under tower and balcony,
By garden wall and gallery,
A pale, pale corpse she floated by,
Deadcold, between the houses high,
Dead into tower'd Camelot.
Knight and burgher, lord and dame,
To the planked wharfage came:
Below the stern they read her name,
The Lady of Shalott.

They cross'd themselves, their stars they blest,
Knight, minstrel, abbot, squire, and guest.
There lay a parchment on her breast,
That puzzled more than all the rest,
The wellfed wits at Camelot.
'The web was woven curiously,
The charm is broken utterly,
Draw near and fear not,—this is I,
The Lady of Shalott.'

[xlwoo]

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