SamuelLama
07-28-2015, 05:42 PM
Samuel Lama was sitting back in his chair. He was hella cool. So cool that he didn’t even want to be in school. School wasn’t for the cool. But despite his coolness, there was no escape from the school’s schoolness. Schoolness is a word Samuel made up and it was synonymous with lameness. Only, Samuel didn’t actually know what ‘Synonymous’ meant because he never paid attention in school due to its schoolness.
But damn Samuel was cool. Hater blockers? Check. Decked out in Gucci apparel? You better believe your ***. He had more chains on his body than a zebra had spots. Only zebras didn’t have spots. They had stripes. But knowing that would be in direct violation of his coolness. Because it didn’t matter.
He had women. A plethora of them, in fact. So many women. Approximately 3.4 billion women. That’s a lot of women. I’m pretty sure it’s half the world’s population, which was the joke, but I don’t actually know the exact world population nor can I be bothered to divide that by 2 to get the chick population. Me doing math would be a direct violation of my code of not doing math unless I have to. So we’re just going to say half the world’s population is 3.4 billion chicks. The other half are dudes.
Anyway these women were all his because of his coolness. They just didn’t know it yet. None of them knew. He had never actually talked to any chicks. Ever. He was way too cool for that. But that didn’t mean he didn’t have any. That just meant he had all of them. And here’s where I’ll break this logic down so you can understand it properly.
You see there are knowns and unknowns. Then you have unknown unknowns, stuff you don’t even know you don’t know. Well, Samuel Lama didn’t even know chicks existed. So he can’t not have something he doesn’t know he doesn’t have. Because in his reality they don’t exist. Therefore he has all the women he doesn’t know exist.
You see that line of reasoning is what lead Samuel to his current peridigimant. He didn’t know girls existed, currently damned to be surrounded by dudes. That’s a lot of dudes. That’s 3.4 billion dudes. He didn’t know 3.4 billion dudes though. In fact he knew exactly 100 dudes. That’s a number I just threw in there to describe the number of dudes at his school. But thinking now there’s probably more than 100 students at any given school. But that backspace is too much work. I’m not stopping this wall of text, not for 100 dudes, not for anyone.
That’s right this story is mine now. Forget Samuel. That guy was just a dude. I’m more than a dude. I’m a man. A strong, rough, tough man. A manly man. The kind of man men think of when they think of how to be the best man they can be. That’s be. A man’s man. And what do I have to tell you? What wisdom do I have to bestow on you about the secrets of manliness? Find out next time. On Samuel Lama Z.
I am Samuel Z Lama.
But damn Samuel was cool. Hater blockers? Check. Decked out in Gucci apparel? You better believe your ***. He had more chains on his body than a zebra had spots. Only zebras didn’t have spots. They had stripes. But knowing that would be in direct violation of his coolness. Because it didn’t matter.
He had women. A plethora of them, in fact. So many women. Approximately 3.4 billion women. That’s a lot of women. I’m pretty sure it’s half the world’s population, which was the joke, but I don’t actually know the exact world population nor can I be bothered to divide that by 2 to get the chick population. Me doing math would be a direct violation of my code of not doing math unless I have to. So we’re just going to say half the world’s population is 3.4 billion chicks. The other half are dudes.
Anyway these women were all his because of his coolness. They just didn’t know it yet. None of them knew. He had never actually talked to any chicks. Ever. He was way too cool for that. But that didn’t mean he didn’t have any. That just meant he had all of them. And here’s where I’ll break this logic down so you can understand it properly.
You see there are knowns and unknowns. Then you have unknown unknowns, stuff you don’t even know you don’t know. Well, Samuel Lama didn’t even know chicks existed. So he can’t not have something he doesn’t know he doesn’t have. Because in his reality they don’t exist. Therefore he has all the women he doesn’t know exist.
You see that line of reasoning is what lead Samuel to his current peridigimant. He didn’t know girls existed, currently damned to be surrounded by dudes. That’s a lot of dudes. That’s 3.4 billion dudes. He didn’t know 3.4 billion dudes though. In fact he knew exactly 100 dudes. That’s a number I just threw in there to describe the number of dudes at his school. But thinking now there’s probably more than 100 students at any given school. But that backspace is too much work. I’m not stopping this wall of text, not for 100 dudes, not for anyone.
That’s right this story is mine now. Forget Samuel. That guy was just a dude. I’m more than a dude. I’m a man. A strong, rough, tough man. A manly man. The kind of man men think of when they think of how to be the best man they can be. That’s be. A man’s man. And what do I have to tell you? What wisdom do I have to bestow on you about the secrets of manliness? Find out next time. On Samuel Lama Z.
I am Samuel Z Lama.