Enslaved

[hopefulauthor]

Hi again!! This is an earlier piece. I would love to hear your thoughts!! Comment below!


Prologue



The sounds of war surround me. Sounds of pain and suffering from wounds caused by a government; a government which considers us slaves. I am part of this fight, a fight against both myself and our government. I started as an ordinary girl with ordinary dreams but that all changed when I met him.

Jay is the kind of guy you hate when you first meet him. He is arrogant and stuck up but also has some redeeming qualities. He is the guy most girls wanted to be their Pairing- the boy or girl decided by our government which you will be spending the rest of your life with. I, on the other hand, never wanted a Pairing to begin with.



Chp.1



I have always considered our way of life odd. We have no thoughts, actions, or words of our own. We are all the same, none of us different or unique in any way and that is how our government likes it. They do not want individuality to shine through and create differences in our society. Our food, clothing, and activities are also chosen by our government. We all wear plain clothing, a blue shirt and pants for boys and a yellow shirt and pants for girls each with only one pocket. Our diet consists of a portion of a food from each different food group. Every day is planned out for us, morning to evening. I often wonder what life would be like with choices. Would I choose to be Paired? Or would I decide to live a life on my own?

My family lives in a fairly large house, but it is just as plain as all the other houses in the neighborhood. I live with only my mother-my father died in an accident in the lab he was working in twelve years ago, I was only four years old. Our home consists of two bedrooms, a kitchen, a bathroom, and a living area where we are required every day to gather together as a family for our daily prayer thanking God for our peaceful nature. No decorations hang on our plain white walls and not a drop of paint will ever touch our home. My room is a barren landscape only consisting of a bed, a shelf for my school books, and a desk for my school work. I have always found it nearly impossible to follow our daily routine, most days I want to start a new life in a new world with different rules, only I know that will never change.

[omferas]

I wished left us with some optimism.
thank you

[Munshie]

hopefulauthor

I was just getting into the story and all of a sudden there's no more to read. Man, you got post more of the story (preferably all) for people like me to make a judgement about characters and storylines.

[hopefulauthor]

hopefulauthor

I was just getting into the story and all of a sudden there's no more to read. Man, you got post more of the story (preferably all) for people like me to make a judgement about characters and storylines.


But do you like it so far? I will post more if asked but I only posted a bit to receive people's opinions.

[Calidore]

Unfortunately, what you have here is YA Oppressive Government Cliche 101. Hopefully, you have an original hook on the idea in mind; whatever it is, you need to move it up top to engage the reader's interest. You also need to move the story itself up, as what you've posted is almost entirely background exposition.

So cast a line down into your story ideas and drag something interesting to the surface, then start from there, and sprinkle the exposition in where needed as you go.