A poem by Della

[Della~Moon]

Can you guys tell me what you think? :oops: i know it's not very good but i try. :rolleyes:

In the gathering of my depression,
of the never ending bitter dark.
the joy of life slips away with no impression,
I do not see the death of dawn and lark.
The icy winds whisper of my forlorn life,
pain only grows in my heart of frozen emptiness.
Chambers of ice form from this my cold strife,
I feel the ice tearing at my skin with vengeance.
The sharp night winds feel as if they draw blood,
yet I do nothing to avoid this black hearted chill.
Tears flow so often I no longer try to stop the flood,
left behind is a frozen crevasse nothing can fill.
Pain can be repressed in any troubled mind,
but the scars of those forgotten lives remain.
Deep within ourselves hate and hope are entwined,
the whirl wind of feeling makes death seem more humane.
For to curse the dark is to curse the light,
and all hope gives birth to fear and light to dark.
To try and see what I am is a plight,
harder still is to find a way to leave a mark.
Was chaos truly reordered so long ago?
Or was it simply forced to dwell within me.
Am I my friend or my own threatening foe?
Who am I? This is my eternal plea.

[firestarter]

i really do like this poem, its nice to read about the troubling human emotions.
firestarter

[Della~Moon]

thank you Firestarter, it's nice to know i'm not alone in my love of dark poems

[Shea]

I enjoyed your poem, though I had a hard time connecting with it (probably because I'm not in a dark mood right now). You paint wonderful images! I'll be sure to read it when I'm in a dark mood, you're sort of poetry is always comforting in times like that!

[Jay]

And you said you didn't have talent. It's nice. I like the way you express your feelings (if they are yours :( ).

[Della~Moon]

well i did feel this way a while ago, (this is an old poem, before i met my boyfriend) lol

[Della~Moon]

DREAM
I walk along in a midnight dream,
And follow the path of the mountains stream.
I know not where I go know not who I was.
I search through my soul for some hidden cause.
I fallow my heart through darkness and fear,
Yet the roads end shall never draw near.
I search for something that I will never see,
Love is something much to distant for me.

[firestarter]

if you dont mind giving you some advice della moon, you should post this poem as a new post that way people will start seeing that you are putting up a lot of poems, and more people will take an iterest to read them.
firestarter. by the way, i like this one a lot to. it reminds me of some of the poems that i have written about my dreams in love.
firestarter

[Koa]

I like dark poetry a lot- i mostly write dark stuff...

i prefer the first one you posted... it's maybe more 'suffered'...

if i can say, like most of the stuff we post here it could maybe be adjusted in style, like for example putting some division into stanzas cos it seemed to me a but 'heavy' to read, but then it might be just because i usually get scared of things that have no blank lines lol...even my eyes are lazy :D

good job anyway! :)

[Della~Moon]

thank you all, i shall get to work writing more

[Jay]

Aren't you a romantic? There's a lot of romantic features in this poem. I like romatic poems, and I definitely like this one :) .

[Della~Moon]

lol, my romance poems are just for my boyfriend :rolleyes:

[Koa]

...I think 'romantic' was meant in the real sense of the word, not in the commonly used one...

(Please stop mentioning boyfriends, i'm depressed enough already. Thanks)

[b]

This is a really powerful, dark, obscure and ehhh... purple poem.

You really express the feeling of depression on a very strong and imaging way: your poem really impacts in my mind on the way a depression would - I think. The metaphores and the metre are really contributing to the transmission of thought, something that shows one's ability to write really good poetry.

I would say: a very good job.

[piquant]

I'll have to agree with Koa's earlier post about maybe breaking it up into stanzas. I consider poetry to be alive, and all living things need to breath. Don't let it suffocate under it's own weight! Otherwise, I loved it!

[Della~Moon]

thank you all for your kind words. :rolleyes: i shall try to work on more