Spinning

[MystyrMystyry]

I wakes up

And the first thing what I notices
Is everything is spinning

Round and round and round

I clutches me head
As I do in such situations

Not that these situations are very common

Just occasional

Anyway the clutching
Of me head
Seems to fix it

Until I chances a glance out
The window

It's the whole world!

The whole world is spinning!

Well, at least the street is spinning

And the sky
The sky is spinning

Round and round

I has this idea

What if I keeps looking out the window
And stops clutching me head

It works!

Well it sort of works

The glimpses I is getting
Through the window
Of the street
And the sky

The glimpses make it seem
Like it works

But it's hard to tell

Because those glimpses
Are interspersed with
Other glimpses
Of my bedroom

I opens the door
And see flickering glimpses
Of the hall
Down to the kitchen

I clutches me head again
And makes me way
Out the back door

To the garden
Where I sees
A storm is gathering

Which is funny peculiar
Because I didn't glimpse any sign
Out the window

I peeps over the fence
And sees me neighbor
Sitting on his bench
Clutching his head
And moaning with the fears
Of a lifetime

Suddenly there bursts a lightning fork
And a burning smell

Then the thunder

Then the rain


And it washed the morning away

[DieterM]

I found this rather enticing, even if it might lack a certain "poetical" spark, i.e. it reads rather like prose than like a poem. Especially in the first stanzas, there are some bits & pieces you might want either to rewrite or to cut altogether, bit like "the first thing" – why not start with "what i notices"? Than the line "As I do in such situations" (anyway, shouldn't it be "as I does…"?). Maybe you could come up with something more poetical? Oh, and why did you use past tense in the last line instead of present tense?
Just my (maybe worthless) little thoughts. As a poem, I have to admit, I'm not sure about it. As a story, however, I enjoyed.

[MystyrMystyry]

Thankyou Dieter :)

Sometimes it's just the way world makes you think about itself when you're trying to do the simple things like a shower and breakfast, when your feet seem to step behind each other, and your head makes everything a little crazy. And you haven't even stepped out the door yet.

The rain washed it away because a sudden quick change in atmosphere can shift everything back to normal, and you're left briefly wondering what that was all about before hoping it doesn't happen again, and time to get on with the day

Glad you enjoyed it!

[cacian]

hi Mystyr
is the usage of S in the first person deliberate for a purpose?
and
me
instead of I?

[MystyrMystyry]

Hi Cacian :)

Yes they are deliberate, to slow the reading down a little, to try to add to the effect of being in a slightly different world. If it was written in straight forward proper English it might lose something, because it's a character speaking, not me, someone else, and I'm just wearing his shoes for awhile