The Pier

[Skrull]

A million stars in the moonlit sky
It was the perfect night to say goodbye

With water lapping and biting the beach
You and the fireflies within my reach

With a gentle sway beneath our feet
One look, one touch, I rise to meet

Slowly ascending up ecstacies ladder
Higher and higher til nothing else mattered

The rise and fall of a single heartbeat
Was all that remained in the midnight heat

Her moonlit glow cast a spell on the night
If ever there were such a bewitching sight

So now they stood entwined together
Indulging the moment their desire sealed forever

If only a brief but heavenly climb
She will remember this encounter for the rest of her time

Never to forget, always to cherish
When serendipity was wickedly devilish

A million stars in the moonlit sky
It was the perfect night...But NOT for goodbye

[Skrull]

Hello everyone,
I posted my very first poem last night and was wondering what you thought about it. I dabbled in writing when I was in my teens and early 20's and this is the first in over 30 years.
Looking forward to feedback of any kind.

[Pompey Bum]

Hey Skrull!

The water "lapping and biting" sets a nice tone for the later romantic interlude. "Ecstasies ladder" ought to be "ecstasy's ladder." I'm not so sure how well that works as a figure of speech. It sounds a little goofy to me (but go with what works for you). I strongly suggest you change "her moonlit glow" to "your moonlit glow," "so now they stood entwined" to "so now we stood entwined," "the moment of their desire" to "the moment of our desire," and "she will remember...for the rest of her time" to "we will remember...for the rest of our time" or (even better) "I will remember...for the rest of my time." Always talk to your beloved in this kind of love poetry (otherwise it's just bad soft-core porn).

It is a sweet poem. Are you going to give it to some one? :)

[Skrull]

I already did...but I will make the changes you suggested to improve upon it. Thanks for the feedback

[dyne7]

a pleasing use of couplets, "coupled" with an austere manner of imagery has the mechanisms of the poem working in harmony with each other. thank you for the read!