hopefulauthor
06-13-2015, 12:30 AM
Hello, I joined this site so I could get advice about my writing. I would love to hear your thoughts about this story and if you have any critizism please add that as well. I am open to constructive critizism. Thank you and I hope you enjoy this.
Carter's POV
"Hey you." She says kissing my cheek. I groan, stretching my muscles, before rolling over and grabbing her waist. She screams and play-fights me as I bring her down on top of me, trapping her in my arms.
"This is punishment for waking me so early on a Saturday!" I exclaim over her hysterical giggling. I laugh along with her before we both quit down and just stare at eachother. She's so beautiful with those big green eyes staring at the world with the curiosity of a five-year-old. Her brown, wavy hair she's always so worried about falls just perfectly around her face. She thinks she's plain and boring. but she couldn't be any farther from the truth. She's staring at me with those eyes and smiling at me, so peacefully. That's when everything turns to black and I open my eyes to find her gone, just a memory flitting out of mind.
Her death was Earth shattering. She was going out with some friends one Friday night, to a bar I think. I didn't pay much mind to it because she did this most Fridays; she has been since we started going out sophomore year. So she left that night and I stayed back hanging with some of my friends, but I got a call from her folks about three hours later saying she died in a crash. My Dani was sitting in the car on her way back to me when one of her drunk friends came barreling through the light, killing her on impact. I literally had to restrain myself from going to find the friend who was stupid enough to drink then drive, I really wanted to pound some serious common sense into them. Unfortunately, I didn't know which friend did it.
She was on the news later that night. Apparently, other cars were rear-ended after slamming on their breaks to avoid further collision. Several were sent to the hospital but she was the only one to die. Her senior yearbook photo was used in the news program; seeing he like that, smiling and happy, broke me down and I cried for the first time since freshman year.
This isn't the end of the chapter but I would like to stop here and get feedback. I'm sorry that the paragraphs do not show up but they are there. Thank you and please comment below.
Carter's POV
"Hey you." She says kissing my cheek. I groan, stretching my muscles, before rolling over and grabbing her waist. She screams and play-fights me as I bring her down on top of me, trapping her in my arms.
"This is punishment for waking me so early on a Saturday!" I exclaim over her hysterical giggling. I laugh along with her before we both quit down and just stare at eachother. She's so beautiful with those big green eyes staring at the world with the curiosity of a five-year-old. Her brown, wavy hair she's always so worried about falls just perfectly around her face. She thinks she's plain and boring. but she couldn't be any farther from the truth. She's staring at me with those eyes and smiling at me, so peacefully. That's when everything turns to black and I open my eyes to find her gone, just a memory flitting out of mind.
Her death was Earth shattering. She was going out with some friends one Friday night, to a bar I think. I didn't pay much mind to it because she did this most Fridays; she has been since we started going out sophomore year. So she left that night and I stayed back hanging with some of my friends, but I got a call from her folks about three hours later saying she died in a crash. My Dani was sitting in the car on her way back to me when one of her drunk friends came barreling through the light, killing her on impact. I literally had to restrain myself from going to find the friend who was stupid enough to drink then drive, I really wanted to pound some serious common sense into them. Unfortunately, I didn't know which friend did it.
She was on the news later that night. Apparently, other cars were rear-ended after slamming on their breaks to avoid further collision. Several were sent to the hospital but she was the only one to die. Her senior yearbook photo was used in the news program; seeing he like that, smiling and happy, broke me down and I cried for the first time since freshman year.
This isn't the end of the chapter but I would like to stop here and get feedback. I'm sorry that the paragraphs do not show up but they are there. Thank you and please comment below.