A Talk in a Folk Deli

[NewSecret]

There's a deli I eat at on occasion, my favorite deli. They're the only deli

that sells genuine cold crab subs. None of that fake crab joke without flavor.

I want flavor, that's why I like real crab.



Folk music is on the radio there, the employees wear these authentic clothes

made to look like they're out of a different time. The chairs and tables are

carved out of wood and tarnished. There's an air of authentic folk times there.



I'm in there eating my usual crab sub when this young woman shows up with a skirt

to her knees. She's wearing this tube shirt and gold earrings. She buys herself

a drink then looks around the busy deli. The only seat left is at my table. She

asks me, "Do you mind?"



I said, "Not at all."



Now I'm stuffin' my face and checkin' her out wondering what it is about her

that seems so off. She says, "My name is Amee, what's yours?"



I replied, "Timothy, how are you, Amee?"



Amee replied, "Fine, thank you. I always wanted to know what I would do if someone

left a dozen boxes of dresses on my welcome mat."



I needed to think for a second about what she said because it didn't hit a tone

in my head. I replied, "What would make you wonder about that sort of thing?

Doesn't seem all that likely, now does it?"



Amee replied, "Do cattle know really how good they taste? If they know how good

they taste would they quit eating grass? Would they try to escape? Do prophetic cows

feel invisible ghost bread touch their flanks?"



I laughed, Amee was obviously trying to humor me or she was entirely nuts. Either

way, she was welcome at my table.



I said to Amee, "You look great. Dressed up in that skirt. Were you going anywhere

special or do you have any plans?"



Amee smirked and replied, "Not really, I'm new in town and thought I'd look around.

This deli is nice. It's like another century in here."



I replied, "Yes. I like to pretend that when I walk out that door there's gonna be a

dirt road there with some horses waiting but it never happens. I guess that I don't

pretend hard enough. Do you like to pretend hard, Amee?"



Amee replied, "I like to pretend that spring never ends, the kittens never grow up,

the lettuce is always fresh, the sky is always blue, the tomatoes are always red,

the swing is always swinging, the clothes are always on sale, I always get a good

parking spot, I never see the commercials, the air is always clean, my hair is

always done well, my hairdresser is never pissy, I like to pretend that when the sunset

is beautiful it's gonna go on forever."



I said, "Does any of that ever happen?"



Amee replied, "There are times that those things will happen, but never all

at once no matter how hard I pretend."



I replied, "I like it when things I want to happen, happen."



Amee said, "I turned 22 a week ago, how old are you Timothy?"



I replied, "26."



Amee said, "What is your line of work?"



I replied, "I'm a businessman, an entrepreneur. Bars or clubs a lot of the time.

I also trade time-shares. I own a successful diner on the side. Not this one,

but another one. I also flip houses. What about you?"



Amee replied, "I'm a secretary for a CEO at a nutrition conglomerate.

I talk to a lot of vitamin salesmen and I attend a lot of meetings.

With my degrees in economics and corporate sociology I hope to land

a new job. I moved to town only two weeks ago, so I'm adapting

to the new scene here."



I said, "Sometimes I want to throw it all away and find a new road

in life. I like to try out new things, find new ways to make enormous

amounts of money, meet new people with the same life goals. You know,

all that. Whenever life gets too repetitious, I need a way to shake

it all up without causing issues. What about you, Amee?"



Amee replied, "Oh, I don't know, Timothy. Sometimes I want to get

drunk and make new friends. I like to live a very active and social

life. I like to try things that I never tried before."



I replied, "Well, let me tell you a secret. But you gotta promise

not to tell anyone, ever. Can you?"



Amee laughed like I was jerking her leg, then said, "I never tell."



I said, "Good. Now hear me out. I own a house where the water

runs uphill. In a certain room in the house if you set a book

of matches level on a table, they will lift on one side,

miraculously balancing without logic. There is a room with a

hole in the floor. A miniature tree is growing out of the hole.

Next to the tree trunk is a bowl made of pure gold and a lid

on it made of pure silver. If you leave a coin in the golden

bowl for a week and then return you will find that the coin

has grown beads of ore made of whatever the coin is made of.

I left a handful of pure gold coins in the golden bowl for

a month then when I weighed the coins along with the ore

beads attached to them I found that I turned 4 ounces of pure

gold into 4.61 ounces of pure gold. I don't know how this

happens but the house is rumored as built for an anonymous

sorcerer who did work for a secret society in the early

days of America. I believe that those anomalies were uncovered

then the house was built to outline the phenomenon,

not that the house was built before the phenomenon began."



Amee had a look of amusement. I thought that maybe she

didn't believe me. I said, "Well? You got anything to say

about that?"



Amee smirked then said, "I don't know. Sounds sort of like a

tall tale. I won't tell anyone, though. I promise. Your secret

is safe with me."



I asked Amee, "Do you believe in the paranormal? You know, aliens,

secret societies, conspiracies, forgotten advanced technologies,

things like that?"



Amee replied, "No, not at all. I'm too busy being the center of

attention so much, all that paranormal nonsense never dawns on me."



I replied, "You seem that way."



We were both finished with our food. I pushed my empty tray aside

then said, "I'm very glad that we know each other now. You're a

beautiful girl. Would you like to go see a movie? I heard there's some

real good ones playing. I don't know what's playing but I know where

all of the movie theatres are. Wherever you want to go, I will

take you."



Amee replied, "I like movies. We should have a drink before we go.

What would you like?"



I said, "Good. It's been a while since I went on a date. I would like

a rum on the rocks. No umbrella." I winked at her.



Amee got up then said, "I won't be long."



I didn't know what movies were playing and it was getting near

the time that the final showings were going to begin.



I really liked Amee and thought she was genuinely beautiful.

While she was getting the drinks I thought that if the remainder

of the evening went well and she would see me again maybe I

would show her around the city since she was so new in town.

My social life was always happening. She would like my friends.

She would make new friends of her own.



Amee returned with my rum and a fruity drink for herself. She

took her seat then said, "What sort of movie do you want to see?"



I replied, "Whatever you want. Anything not animated is okay

with me. I don't know what's playing in the movie theatres

now but I heard there were some good ones. I usually see movies

often but because I'd been busy handling business and it's been

an exhilarating quarter for all my deals I really hadn't had

the time until tonight. Now I don't care to talk much about

my work but I gotta say, my work is cut out for me, a lot

more than before, anyways."



Amee said, "Oh that don't matter, we will see when we get there.

You said you like paranormal things? What got you into that sort

of mumbo-jumbo?"



I laughed, not knowing where to begin. I said, "Well, when I was

a kid there were a lot of sci-fi and UFO shows on television.

I was fascinated with the subject because it was like the

imagination come to life. There seemed to ring some truth in it.

I went to the library and checked out everything they had about

the paranormal, UFOs, all that. Then when I was in my upper teens

and early twenties, paranormal things happened more and more

frequently. Now, I'd say, that the paranormal is now an integral

part of my life. It's not what I usually think much about and

it happens randomly."



Amee asked, "What happens?"



I replied, "Ah, well, you know. It's not that much important.

You make any friends here in town since you moved here, Amee?"



Amee replied, "Yes. I made some friends at work and my sister

lives here in town. My sister and I see each other nearly

every day. We get along well and she's good company."



I said, "Great! Good to know you got family around. My family

lives in the next state over. I don't see them as much as I'd

like to. About once a month my dad and my brother make the long

drive here to see me and they go on their fishing trips. I don't

fish so I don't go with them but it's always great to see them

when they come over though. Are you driving?"



Amee replied, "Yes. I live around the corner though, so I'm

not parked anywhere I need to get to anytime soon."



I said, "Perfect! We'll go in my Melkus. That one parked right

outside the window."



Amee turned around to see my car then said, "Oh wow, what an

amazing car. I like it. What theatre will you take me to?"



Amee turned around to face me, her eyes sparkling. I replied,

"What about the one north of here about not three minutes away?"



Amee replied, "Sounds good." She drank a final slurp of her

drink then said, "Let's go!"



I was already done with my rum. I replied, "Okay, let's!"

[Steven Hunley]

It's possible I'm missing the point of this but here are my impressions. Two people meet in a restaurant, talk, and decide to go out.

The dialogue might carry the narrative but it doesn't, it's unbelievable. For instance, no one uses the phrase, 'in the next state over' or instead of referring to the theater by name it's 'the one north of here about not three minutes away".

Although he refers to his car as a Melkus, (not a common name for a car) she doesn't respond with a "What's a Melkus?" It may be that old fart that I am I am totally out of the loop when it comes to names of common cars. If so, forgive me. Then we have a whole paragraph about the paranormal that leads to nowhere.

I don't want to seem harsh, but give us a story that leads us somewhere, anywhere entertaining will do. If I've missed the point or the drama, or the romance, feel free to clue me in.

You may be trying to bate our interest by leaving us on the threshold of "What are they going to do in the movies, toss hearts, hug and kiss, in the back row?" But we don't consider the possibility because no real chemistry was shown between the two. Again, if there was a spark, just a spark mind you, I would have seen it.

But maybe not, on accounta I'm a chump, the thick and blunt end of anything. Maybe it's not you, or your story, maybe it's me. Maybe I need a psychiatrist or another cup of coffee.