Steve Leese
05-09-2015, 06:28 AM
I have wrote two opening chapters of a story, I have titled the story, The Story, so the title does not give anything away. Honest opinion please is it worth me continuing it and try to get it published?
The story
Chapter 0ne - The point in time and space at which something begins.
A cold winters wind rattled through the tree's and In the shadows of the night he hid from the ambience of the street lights. Staring in silence from the shadows across a rear gardens distance to a well lit bedroom window, awaiting a glimpse of the one he once loved.
A sense of betrayal driving the fire within, turning the warmth of love he had once felt into hateful anger. As the coldness of the night beckoned, like a dragons breath he heavily breathed in and out recollecting all of his memories that soon became a single thought of vengeance.
Suddenly, he could see the bedroom door flung open, from a distance he could see the face that had melted his heart, a face that approached the bedroom window before eventually the curtains were drawn too.
The well lit bedroom was now in darkness and with tears in his eyes and a racing pulse he slowly climbed a small fence to gain access to the garden, tearing his trousers and cutting his leg on a old rusty nail of the fence that was not properly flush. Gripping his teethe to hold in the scream of pain he then steadily made his way across the gardens distance, with a trickle of blood running down his leg leaving a trail of blood along the path he took, the only sound he made was his own frosty footsteps on a winters ground. With a growing concern of forensic evidence left behind he was now starting to get apprehensive.
As he approached the downstairs rear window he froze in his footsteps and paused for a while, looking to the stars as if to ask for forgiveness for what he was about to do and a hope of luck that the weathering of the ground would make the evidence left behind disappear.
Several minutes later that seemed like an eternity he approached the rear kitchen window, he knew that the window had a broken window latch that had not been previously repaired and this would allow him a silent entry to the property, which did not have an intruder alarm.
An eerie silence surrounded him as he pulled the small window open, he could feel the warm air pass by his face and could smell the scent of his lover. With cat like agility he clambered through the small window space into the kitchen where he knew a tool box lay under the kitchen sink cupboard that contained a small hatchet.
In the darkness of the kitchen he stood with perspiration running down his face and with a familiarity of the surroundings he pulled open the kitchen sink cupboard door to his amazement that the tool box was not there, but without panic he closed the cupboard door as if it did not matter because there must be something else he could use for the demise of his lover.
For a while he contemplated of what he could use, he knew that all the knife sets were sets and a missing knife would reveal the obvious murder weapon to the police, and although he was hateful and angry he was also calculated and knew he had to use extreme vigour to make sure that he never got caught by the police afterwards.
Already he had took precautions to make sure he had left no DNA behind by wearing common coveralls and gloves and the shaving of all his body hair, but in fatal error he left a tell tale path of evidence behind by the accidental nail penetrating his leg.
Trying to remain quiet and calm he fondled around in the dark, eventually he spotted something reflecting the moons light that was seeping in through a narrow slit in the curtains. With now trembling hands, he picked up the item that revealed itself to being a nail file. He squeezed his hand tightly around the handle, unsure that the nail file would be good enough for the intended purpose but a certainty that this unlikely weapon would not be a missed item from the house.
He stood for a while, composing himself, then trembling no more he then made his way to the bottom of the stairs with the silence of a mouse almost slipping on some water that had melted off is boots. He then ascended the stairs in silence except for the beating of his own heart approaching the now closed bedroom door of where his lover slept in wait.
Feeling anxious outside the bedroom door he could hear his lovers sleeping breath, he knew that David was fast asleep and was unaware of his presence.
Slowly he turned the door handle and gently pushed the door ajar, he could see that David was lying on his side with his back to the door. With a stealth like approach he entered the room and stood over David's sleeping body, he had successfully gained undetected access.
David looked so peaceful in his sleep, a peacefulness that was about to last for all of eternity.
He looked down on David with such a jealous heart and mumbled under his own breath ''I will always love you'', before thrusting the nail file into David's throat, the nail file snapped by the handle, and David jumped up with blood gushing from his neck. Grabbing onto a near by bedside table, a blood gargled moan and a look of why?, David collapsed to the floor .
He looked down at David at his feet and froze in a sort of shock, he did not realise there would be so much blood, he could feel the warm stickiness on his face and his overalls were completely covered in splatter.
Panic started to set in, the realisation he had been careless, a fear he would almost certainly be caught by the police.
Chapter 2- The phone call
Six months earlier , Peter awoke to a beautiful morning, the birds were singing and the sun was already warming the day. Peter in excitement could hardly wait to start the day, he had been unemployed for several months and today was the first day of starting a new job. He jumped out of bed with a morning smile and hastily made his way to the bathroom, looking into the bathroom mirror and seeing a happy reflection he started to get washed and dressed.
Peter was an ordinary 22 year old, who had been brought up a wimpy kind of person, strict parents mollycoddling his upbringing and keeping him off the streets while his school mates were outside playing. Strictly educated he had above average knowledge for his age, and from a healthy nutritional diet and exercise he was physically fit and the ladies loved him, a charming sophisticated womaniser, who always dressed to impress.
In the midst of combing his hair, ensuring not a single hair was out of place, the phone began to ring. Peter casual walked down the stairs and picked up the phone wondering who it could be at 7 am in the morning.
''good morning Peter'' said a sexy female voice,
''who is this?'' replied Peter,
''I am Mr Francis's secretary and he has asked me to give you a call'' said the secretary in a chirpy manner.
Peter stood in confusion and was in total silence lost for words, Mr Francis was the owner of the company he was about to start work for as a computer programmer. A whole range of thoughts flashed through Peters mind, what was the phone call about?.
''hello'' said the secretary, ''are you still there Peter?''
''Hmmm, yes I am still here sorry, can I ask what this call is about please?'' said Peter in fear that his new job start had been cancelled.
''certainly'' said the secretary, ''on your application you said you was willing to travel and was flexible and available to travel any-time. This morning, and I know it is your first day sorry, but we want you to go to Birmingham airport where a plane ticket awaits you!''.
Peter was now even more confused, his first day and he was getting on a plane to a yet unknown destination.
''but, why,but,'' replied Peter lost for words and his normally fluent slick talk with the ladies.
''It is ok Peter, we understand this must be a shock for you at the spur of the moment, can you pack a suitcase and be at the airport for 2 pm?'' replied the secretary in explanation and a sympathetic voice.
Peter thought for a few seconds, ''where am I going?'' he asked.
''You are going to Rodrigues Island to meet Mr Francis who has a personal project over there'' replied the secretary in a strict demanding voice.
Reluctantly Peter replies , '' you do know that I have been unemployed for several months and at the present my monetary means is limited?''.
''yes we understand that, and if you look by your letterbox you will find a posted envelope that contains all the details inside you will need and an exclusive account card for our company, all expenses you can pay for using this card'' replied the secretary, again in a sympathetic tone.
Peter was astonished, he knew this time he had landed a Job jackpot, all expenses paid and a visit to a destination he had never been before, in excitement he replied with a shaky voice,
'' Yessss, I can be at Birmingham airport for 2 pm''.
''thank you Peter and I hope you have a good trip, goodbye'' replied the secretary hastily hanging up before Peter even had the chance to say thank you and goodbye.
The story
Chapter 0ne - The point in time and space at which something begins.
A cold winters wind rattled through the tree's and In the shadows of the night he hid from the ambience of the street lights. Staring in silence from the shadows across a rear gardens distance to a well lit bedroom window, awaiting a glimpse of the one he once loved.
A sense of betrayal driving the fire within, turning the warmth of love he had once felt into hateful anger. As the coldness of the night beckoned, like a dragons breath he heavily breathed in and out recollecting all of his memories that soon became a single thought of vengeance.
Suddenly, he could see the bedroom door flung open, from a distance he could see the face that had melted his heart, a face that approached the bedroom window before eventually the curtains were drawn too.
The well lit bedroom was now in darkness and with tears in his eyes and a racing pulse he slowly climbed a small fence to gain access to the garden, tearing his trousers and cutting his leg on a old rusty nail of the fence that was not properly flush. Gripping his teethe to hold in the scream of pain he then steadily made his way across the gardens distance, with a trickle of blood running down his leg leaving a trail of blood along the path he took, the only sound he made was his own frosty footsteps on a winters ground. With a growing concern of forensic evidence left behind he was now starting to get apprehensive.
As he approached the downstairs rear window he froze in his footsteps and paused for a while, looking to the stars as if to ask for forgiveness for what he was about to do and a hope of luck that the weathering of the ground would make the evidence left behind disappear.
Several minutes later that seemed like an eternity he approached the rear kitchen window, he knew that the window had a broken window latch that had not been previously repaired and this would allow him a silent entry to the property, which did not have an intruder alarm.
An eerie silence surrounded him as he pulled the small window open, he could feel the warm air pass by his face and could smell the scent of his lover. With cat like agility he clambered through the small window space into the kitchen where he knew a tool box lay under the kitchen sink cupboard that contained a small hatchet.
In the darkness of the kitchen he stood with perspiration running down his face and with a familiarity of the surroundings he pulled open the kitchen sink cupboard door to his amazement that the tool box was not there, but without panic he closed the cupboard door as if it did not matter because there must be something else he could use for the demise of his lover.
For a while he contemplated of what he could use, he knew that all the knife sets were sets and a missing knife would reveal the obvious murder weapon to the police, and although he was hateful and angry he was also calculated and knew he had to use extreme vigour to make sure that he never got caught by the police afterwards.
Already he had took precautions to make sure he had left no DNA behind by wearing common coveralls and gloves and the shaving of all his body hair, but in fatal error he left a tell tale path of evidence behind by the accidental nail penetrating his leg.
Trying to remain quiet and calm he fondled around in the dark, eventually he spotted something reflecting the moons light that was seeping in through a narrow slit in the curtains. With now trembling hands, he picked up the item that revealed itself to being a nail file. He squeezed his hand tightly around the handle, unsure that the nail file would be good enough for the intended purpose but a certainty that this unlikely weapon would not be a missed item from the house.
He stood for a while, composing himself, then trembling no more he then made his way to the bottom of the stairs with the silence of a mouse almost slipping on some water that had melted off is boots. He then ascended the stairs in silence except for the beating of his own heart approaching the now closed bedroom door of where his lover slept in wait.
Feeling anxious outside the bedroom door he could hear his lovers sleeping breath, he knew that David was fast asleep and was unaware of his presence.
Slowly he turned the door handle and gently pushed the door ajar, he could see that David was lying on his side with his back to the door. With a stealth like approach he entered the room and stood over David's sleeping body, he had successfully gained undetected access.
David looked so peaceful in his sleep, a peacefulness that was about to last for all of eternity.
He looked down on David with such a jealous heart and mumbled under his own breath ''I will always love you'', before thrusting the nail file into David's throat, the nail file snapped by the handle, and David jumped up with blood gushing from his neck. Grabbing onto a near by bedside table, a blood gargled moan and a look of why?, David collapsed to the floor .
He looked down at David at his feet and froze in a sort of shock, he did not realise there would be so much blood, he could feel the warm stickiness on his face and his overalls were completely covered in splatter.
Panic started to set in, the realisation he had been careless, a fear he would almost certainly be caught by the police.
Chapter 2- The phone call
Six months earlier , Peter awoke to a beautiful morning, the birds were singing and the sun was already warming the day. Peter in excitement could hardly wait to start the day, he had been unemployed for several months and today was the first day of starting a new job. He jumped out of bed with a morning smile and hastily made his way to the bathroom, looking into the bathroom mirror and seeing a happy reflection he started to get washed and dressed.
Peter was an ordinary 22 year old, who had been brought up a wimpy kind of person, strict parents mollycoddling his upbringing and keeping him off the streets while his school mates were outside playing. Strictly educated he had above average knowledge for his age, and from a healthy nutritional diet and exercise he was physically fit and the ladies loved him, a charming sophisticated womaniser, who always dressed to impress.
In the midst of combing his hair, ensuring not a single hair was out of place, the phone began to ring. Peter casual walked down the stairs and picked up the phone wondering who it could be at 7 am in the morning.
''good morning Peter'' said a sexy female voice,
''who is this?'' replied Peter,
''I am Mr Francis's secretary and he has asked me to give you a call'' said the secretary in a chirpy manner.
Peter stood in confusion and was in total silence lost for words, Mr Francis was the owner of the company he was about to start work for as a computer programmer. A whole range of thoughts flashed through Peters mind, what was the phone call about?.
''hello'' said the secretary, ''are you still there Peter?''
''Hmmm, yes I am still here sorry, can I ask what this call is about please?'' said Peter in fear that his new job start had been cancelled.
''certainly'' said the secretary, ''on your application you said you was willing to travel and was flexible and available to travel any-time. This morning, and I know it is your first day sorry, but we want you to go to Birmingham airport where a plane ticket awaits you!''.
Peter was now even more confused, his first day and he was getting on a plane to a yet unknown destination.
''but, why,but,'' replied Peter lost for words and his normally fluent slick talk with the ladies.
''It is ok Peter, we understand this must be a shock for you at the spur of the moment, can you pack a suitcase and be at the airport for 2 pm?'' replied the secretary in explanation and a sympathetic voice.
Peter thought for a few seconds, ''where am I going?'' he asked.
''You are going to Rodrigues Island to meet Mr Francis who has a personal project over there'' replied the secretary in a strict demanding voice.
Reluctantly Peter replies , '' you do know that I have been unemployed for several months and at the present my monetary means is limited?''.
''yes we understand that, and if you look by your letterbox you will find a posted envelope that contains all the details inside you will need and an exclusive account card for our company, all expenses you can pay for using this card'' replied the secretary, again in a sympathetic tone.
Peter was astonished, he knew this time he had landed a Job jackpot, all expenses paid and a visit to a destination he had never been before, in excitement he replied with a shaky voice,
'' Yessss, I can be at Birmingham airport for 2 pm''.
''thank you Peter and I hope you have a good trip, goodbye'' replied the secretary hastily hanging up before Peter even had the chance to say thank you and goodbye.