Ecurb
04-07-2015, 12:57 PM
Another unsent reply to a personal ad
SF, 38, seeks SM for walks, talks, live music, beer, organic foods, dancing and thrifting. Brains, books, a bicycle, a brilliant smile and interest in left wing politics a plus.
Dear SF,
You’re looking for a leftwinger? I don’t mean to brag, but when I was a child, my family thought Ho Chi Minh was a moderate liberal. I wrote in “Fidel Castro” on my last presidential ballot. I think Alexander Solzhenetzien DESERVED to be put in that gulag.
While other children were celebrating The Fourth of July, Easter, and Christmas, my family celebrated May Day, Lenin’s birthday, and the assassination of Garfield. We never SOLD secrets to the Russians, we gave them away. In fact, we paid the KGB to take them. Unfortunately, we didn’t know much that actually helped the Russian cause, and a KGB higher-up once offered my father half a million kopeks to “shut up and go away.”
I learned quickly to snitch on my neighbors’ counter-revolutionary activities. As a six-year-old, I informed Comrade Bolkonsky (our KGB “contact”) that Mrs Fleisher, my first grade teacher, was forcing us to recite the Pledge of Allegiance. I begged him to have her assassinated, ideally with one of those poison-tipped umbrellas, but nothing ever came of it. Disillusioned, I tried to rat out my mother for saying a toy I wanted to play with was “my brother’s”. She’d read everything Freidrich Engels had ever written, and she could still utter counter-revolutionary drivel like this. Comrade Bolkonsky listened politely, but then told me to “maintain complete radio silence” unless I ever found out anything about the “Star Wars” missile defense system.
Of course these are hard times for us left wingers. The Soviet Union has collapsed. The money from the KGB has dried up. Many of us have been forced to either work within the capitalist system, or live on trust funds and inheritances.
Oh! For those halcyon days of yore! Days when you could make a good buck spying on your own country! Days when giants (like the Rosenbergs) walked the earth! Days when heroes like Josef Stalin killed tens of millions of their own countrymen for our glorious cause! When will we see their like again?
Re. your questions, I am loaded with brains, books, bicycles, a brilliant smile, and everything else that begins with the letter “b”, not excluding an impolite term related to the digestive processes of male cattle. In fact (and this is a coincidence equaled only by the harmonic convergence), my name begins with the letter “B”. Since you like books, my “b” literary anecdote is about Branwell Bronte, brother of the famous sisters, who, according to legend, could translate plain English into Greek and Latin simultaneously, holding a pen in each hand. Hey, that has to be as good a talent as writing Wuthering Heights.
I’m sure we can have fun with walks, talks, live music, beer, films, organic food, and dancing. But I absolutely refuse to have anything to do with “thrifting”, even once I learn what the heck it is. I believe “thrift” is a counter-revolutionary virtue. Also, it sounds horrible, like sifting through a junkyard without knowing what you’re looking for.
I have no idea whether this letter will reach you. The CIA still intercepts most of my mail. As a result, I dare not include my address or instructions as to how or where we might meet. And yet, with my “cell” dwindling to practically nothing (just me and my cat Marshall Tito), I long to introduce myself to potential new members. I will contact you later with further instructions. If a stranger wearing a beret tells you, “The red moon rises at midnight over the eastern plain,” you are to reply, “Same to you, Bub.” (Alternative wording: “So’s your mother.”) Good luck, comrade.
Sincerely,
Ecurb
SF, 38, seeks SM for walks, talks, live music, beer, organic foods, dancing and thrifting. Brains, books, a bicycle, a brilliant smile and interest in left wing politics a plus.
Dear SF,
You’re looking for a leftwinger? I don’t mean to brag, but when I was a child, my family thought Ho Chi Minh was a moderate liberal. I wrote in “Fidel Castro” on my last presidential ballot. I think Alexander Solzhenetzien DESERVED to be put in that gulag.
While other children were celebrating The Fourth of July, Easter, and Christmas, my family celebrated May Day, Lenin’s birthday, and the assassination of Garfield. We never SOLD secrets to the Russians, we gave them away. In fact, we paid the KGB to take them. Unfortunately, we didn’t know much that actually helped the Russian cause, and a KGB higher-up once offered my father half a million kopeks to “shut up and go away.”
I learned quickly to snitch on my neighbors’ counter-revolutionary activities. As a six-year-old, I informed Comrade Bolkonsky (our KGB “contact”) that Mrs Fleisher, my first grade teacher, was forcing us to recite the Pledge of Allegiance. I begged him to have her assassinated, ideally with one of those poison-tipped umbrellas, but nothing ever came of it. Disillusioned, I tried to rat out my mother for saying a toy I wanted to play with was “my brother’s”. She’d read everything Freidrich Engels had ever written, and she could still utter counter-revolutionary drivel like this. Comrade Bolkonsky listened politely, but then told me to “maintain complete radio silence” unless I ever found out anything about the “Star Wars” missile defense system.
Of course these are hard times for us left wingers. The Soviet Union has collapsed. The money from the KGB has dried up. Many of us have been forced to either work within the capitalist system, or live on trust funds and inheritances.
Oh! For those halcyon days of yore! Days when you could make a good buck spying on your own country! Days when giants (like the Rosenbergs) walked the earth! Days when heroes like Josef Stalin killed tens of millions of their own countrymen for our glorious cause! When will we see their like again?
Re. your questions, I am loaded with brains, books, bicycles, a brilliant smile, and everything else that begins with the letter “b”, not excluding an impolite term related to the digestive processes of male cattle. In fact (and this is a coincidence equaled only by the harmonic convergence), my name begins with the letter “B”. Since you like books, my “b” literary anecdote is about Branwell Bronte, brother of the famous sisters, who, according to legend, could translate plain English into Greek and Latin simultaneously, holding a pen in each hand. Hey, that has to be as good a talent as writing Wuthering Heights.
I’m sure we can have fun with walks, talks, live music, beer, films, organic food, and dancing. But I absolutely refuse to have anything to do with “thrifting”, even once I learn what the heck it is. I believe “thrift” is a counter-revolutionary virtue. Also, it sounds horrible, like sifting through a junkyard without knowing what you’re looking for.
I have no idea whether this letter will reach you. The CIA still intercepts most of my mail. As a result, I dare not include my address or instructions as to how or where we might meet. And yet, with my “cell” dwindling to practically nothing (just me and my cat Marshall Tito), I long to introduce myself to potential new members. I will contact you later with further instructions. If a stranger wearing a beret tells you, “The red moon rises at midnight over the eastern plain,” you are to reply, “Same to you, Bub.” (Alternative wording: “So’s your mother.”) Good luck, comrade.
Sincerely,
Ecurb