Biggus
03-24-2015, 04:49 AM
ARE YOU WEARING A PLASTIC MAC?
Are you wearing a plastic Mac?
It’s a very practical garment
But wearing it over your clothes
Was the garments original intent
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 345
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
But what I really want to know is how
He got up there in the first place
WHEN I GO AND PLAY GOLF
When I go and play golf, there
Is something I’ve always done
I take a second pair of Trousers
Just in case I get a hole in one
FALLING IN LOVE IS LIKE POETRY
Falling in love is like poetry
But when she no longer calls
Don’t start writing her number
On every single toilet wall
THE GENERAL CONSENSUS
The general consensus
Is that it is inappropriate
To spank a child, and rightly so
Therefore with my own children
And grandchildren for that matter
I adopted a different tack
Whenever one of the little darlings
Goes into “meltdown”
I take the unhappy child
For a ride in the car
Where I find it possible to talk to them
Some say it's the cars vibration
Or the rhythm of the vehicle
Or maybe it’s just escaping
The modern day gadgets
Whatever it is I always find
A twenty minute car ride
With them tied to the roof rack
Always does the trick
DON’T COMPARE YOURSELF TO OTHERS
Don’t compare yourself to others,
Whatever else you might do
Because in all probability
They’re more screwed up than you
MY BROTHER HAS BEEN SEEING A PSYCHIATRIST
My brother has been seeing a psychiatrist
He pays one hundred pounds a time
And he’s been doing it for bloody years
I think he must be out of his tiny mind
WHY DO YOU LOOK BEMUSED?
Why do you look bemused?
It’s just our point of view
But sometimes we are not
Thinking about you
PLEASE DON’T GET ME WRONG
Please don’t get me wrong
It’s not that I’m a prude
And under the right circumstances
I quite like being rude
But at the end of the day
I just find Keith Lemon crude
MY WIFE WENT TO THE BEAUTY PARLOUR
My wife went to the beauty parlour
And had a mudpack applied
Which improved her appearance
Until it fell off and she cried
Are you wearing a plastic Mac?
It’s a very practical garment
But wearing it over your clothes
Was the garments original intent
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 345
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
But what I really want to know is how
He got up there in the first place
WHEN I GO AND PLAY GOLF
When I go and play golf, there
Is something I’ve always done
I take a second pair of Trousers
Just in case I get a hole in one
FALLING IN LOVE IS LIKE POETRY
Falling in love is like poetry
But when she no longer calls
Don’t start writing her number
On every single toilet wall
THE GENERAL CONSENSUS
The general consensus
Is that it is inappropriate
To spank a child, and rightly so
Therefore with my own children
And grandchildren for that matter
I adopted a different tack
Whenever one of the little darlings
Goes into “meltdown”
I take the unhappy child
For a ride in the car
Where I find it possible to talk to them
Some say it's the cars vibration
Or the rhythm of the vehicle
Or maybe it’s just escaping
The modern day gadgets
Whatever it is I always find
A twenty minute car ride
With them tied to the roof rack
Always does the trick
DON’T COMPARE YOURSELF TO OTHERS
Don’t compare yourself to others,
Whatever else you might do
Because in all probability
They’re more screwed up than you
MY BROTHER HAS BEEN SEEING A PSYCHIATRIST
My brother has been seeing a psychiatrist
He pays one hundred pounds a time
And he’s been doing it for bloody years
I think he must be out of his tiny mind
WHY DO YOU LOOK BEMUSED?
Why do you look bemused?
It’s just our point of view
But sometimes we are not
Thinking about you
PLEASE DON’T GET ME WRONG
Please don’t get me wrong
It’s not that I’m a prude
And under the right circumstances
I quite like being rude
But at the end of the day
I just find Keith Lemon crude
MY WIFE WENT TO THE BEAUTY PARLOUR
My wife went to the beauty parlour
And had a mudpack applied
Which improved her appearance
Until it fell off and she cried