Tricky Translations of Famous Quotes;

[Pendragon]

Given a famous quote, you must modify it in some way, the more sarcastic the better:

Example:

"Friends, Romans, Countrymen, lend me your ears" Marc Anthony

"Shaddup!"

"That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet!" Juliette

[Pompey Bum]

"That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet!" ="DANG he's cute!"

"A horse! A horse! My kingdom for a horse!"

--Richard III

[miltonebx]

Not sure what you are looking for but here goes--regarding the rose.
That which we call a rose by any other name might sneak him into the Baseball Hall Of Fame.

[Pendragon]

"A horse! A horse! My Kingdom for a horse" = "Yo! I need a ride here!"

"Reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated" Mark Twain

[Pendragon]

"Reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated" Mark Twain

TRANSLATION: "Yo, dudes, I ain't dead."

"We have nothing to fear but fear itself!" FDR

[Calidore]

"Man up, for crying out loud!"

"Don't shoot until you see the whites of their eyes!"

[Pendragon]

"They are out of range you idiots!"

"Read my lips! No new taxes!" George HW Bush

[Pompey Bum]

Translation: "I'll raise existing taxes."

Would you like fries with that?

[Pendragon]

"B-O-R-E-D with working the drive through"

"But do you bite your thumb at us, Sir?" from Romeo and Juliet

[Pendragon]

"You dissin' me boy?"

"Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you'll start having positive results."

Willie Nelson

[Pendragon]

"Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you'll start having positive results." = "Get over it already!"

"Life is not a matter of holding good cards, but of playing a poor hand well," Robert Louis Stevenson

[Calidore]

"Quit whining and do something."

"I regret that I have only one life to give for my country."

[Pendragon]

"You don't scare me!"

"Do what you can with what you have where you are." - Theodore Roosevelt

[mal4mac]

"Sweep the floor! I don't care if you only have a toothbrush, the floor needs sweeping."

"That's one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind" - Neil Armstrong

[Pendragon]

"OMG! I just stepped on the moon! How cool is that!"

"You don’t get harmony when everybody sings the same note." - Doug Floyd

[Pendragon]

"Everyone's Different"

"What you dislike in another take care to correct in yourself." - Thomas Sprat

[Pendragon]

"Hypocrite!"

With all due respect, your Honor.

[Pendragon]

"You're stupid, you cretin!"

"We intend to prove that this man. OJ Simpson, is not guilty of the murders..."

[Pendragon]

"We are going to lie between our teeth."

"You Can Lead a Whore to Culture, But You Can't Make Her Think" - Dorothy Parker

[Pendragon]

"Oh, so you think you can change her?"

"it is better to light a single candle than to sit and curse the dark" - Confucius

[Calidore]

"Could someone get the lights, please?"

"It is not necessary to understand things in order to argue about them." -- Beaumarchais

[Pendragon]

" You don't have a ****ing clue!"

“The personality of the offense, that's still to be determined,” - Jeff Faine

[Pendragon]

"We ain't found the loophole yet."

"The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts." - Bertrand Russell

[Pompey Bum]

Translation: "I'm a fanatical fool."

Joys impregnate, sorrows bring forth. -- Blake

[mona amon]

"Easier in than out."

“A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything, and the value of nothing.”- Oscar Wilde

[Pendragon]

"I am a cynic, baby!"

"
Actors should be overheard, not listened to, and the audience is 50 percent of the performance." - Shirley Booth

[Pendragon]

"Actors ain't so important as they act!"

"It is only those who never do anything who never make mistakes." — A. Favre

[Pendragon]

"anyone awake out there, or do I have to continue this game by myself!" Sorry,

Do. Or do not. There is no try.

What we have here is a breakdown in communication - Cool Hand Luke

[mona amon]

OK then ;)

"I just can't make you see it my way!"


"Not poppy nor mandragora

Nor all the drowsy syrups of the world,

Shall ever medicine thee to that sweet sleep

Which thou owedst yesterday."

[Pendragon]

"Stop worrying about the past."

"In the State of Denmark there is the odor of decay." - Prince Corwin, Chronicles of Amber

[Pendragon]

'I smell something!"

"If you can fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds of distance run..." Rudyard Kipling

[mona amon]

"Time is money. Don't stand and stare."

"Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work." Thomas A. Edison

[Pendragon]

'People are too lazy to work."

"Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its joy." - Leo Buscaglia

[mona amon]

That's a nice quote. :)

"Don't worry. Be happy."

"We are all here on earth to help others; what on earth the others are here for I don't know." - W. H. Auden

[Pendragon]

"Nobody helps me..."

"We can lick gravity, but sometimes the paperwork is overwhelming." - Wernher von Braun

[mona amon]

"If we didn't have to fill in so many forms, how we would soar."

"The best laid schemes o' mice an' men
Gang aft a-gley" - Robert Burns

[Pendragon]

"s**t happens"

"It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog." - Mark Twain

[Pendragon]

"Grow a set, dude!"

"Part of the inhumanity of the computer is that, once it is competently programmed and working smoothly, it is completely honest." Isaac Asimov

[mona amon]

"People lie. Computers don't. So computers can never be people."

"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." - Douglas Adams

[Pendragon]

"You'll get the story when I am done--not until."

"All paid jobs absorb and degrade the mind." - ARISTOTLE

[Pendragon]

"People work like robots for money"

You learn a whole lot more when you're listening and keeping your mouth closed. — Cal Ripken Jr.

[Pendragon]

"Shut up and listen!"


"Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us."

BILL WATTERSON

[Pendragon]

"There ain't any aliens, Bubba!"

"There is nothing worse than a sharp image of a fuzzy concept." ~ Ansel Adams

[Pendragon]

"Brilliant idea, impossible to accomplish"

[mona amon]

"There ain't any aliens, Bubba!"

"There is nothing worse than a sharp image of a fuzzy concept." ~ Ansel Adams

"I only want to see clear-cut things clearly"

"I object to violence because when it appears to do good, the good is only temporary; the evil it does is permanent." - Mahatma Gandhi

[Iain Sparrow]

"I object to violence because when it appears to do good, the good is only temporary; the evil it does is permanent." - Mahatma Gandhi

"Talk softly and carry a little stick"


"I wish I could write as mysterious as a cat." -Edgar Allan Poe

[Lykren]

"I do not know how to form adverbs."

alternately

"I, Edgar Allan Poe, did not say that. (http://www.poemuseum.org/blog/did-poe-really-say-that/)"

"Love loves to love love." - James Joyce

[North Star]

The greatest love is self-love.

"There’s man all over for you, blaming on his boots the faults of his feet." - Samuel Becket (Waiting for Godot)

[Lykren]

Nobody has any integrity.

"Tell all the truth but tell it slant" - Emily Dickinson

[North Star]

Lie, lie till your pants catch fire.

"I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully" - George W. Bush

[mona amon]

"There have never been any major skirmishes between men and fish." (But to be honest I haven't a clue as to what he means!)


"Talk softly and carry a little stick"

Ha, good one! :)

Next quote -

"You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist." - Friedrich Nietzsche

[Calidore]

"It's all good."

"It is a good divine that follows his own instructions." -- Shakespeare

[Pendragon]

God must play by the rules

Imagination is more important than knowledge. ~ Albert Einstein

[Lykren]

Stop studying and daydream.

“If a little dreaming is dangerous, the cure for it is not to dream less, but to dream more, to dream all the time.” - Proust

[North Star]

A coma is so much better than a nap.

"Fame is something which must be won; honor, only something which must not be lost.” - Schopenhauer

[Lykren]

A coma is so much better than a nap.

:rofl:

Fame requires admirable hard work; honor is a given.

“Twice and thrice had I loved thee,
Before I knew thy face or name.”
- John Donne

[mona amon]

"It was love before first sight."

"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits." - Albert Einstein

[Lykren]

With stupidity one can reach the stars.

"We are such stuff
As dreams are made on; and our little life
Is rounded with a sleep."

- Shakespeare

[Iain Sparrow]

We are but a dream within a dream, our lives an illusion; in which case I think I overpaid for my new cargo shorts.


“It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen.”
― George Orwell, 1984

[Pompey Bum]

It's never too early to hit the sauce.

If you must break the law, do so to seize power. -- Julius Caesar

[mona amon]

If you're going to be a bully, make sure you are the best bully that you can be.

"If history repeats itself, and the unexpected always happens, how incapable must Man be of learning from experience!" - George Bernard Shaw

[Pompey Bum]

"My support of Lenin is going to sound awfully silly someday."

"Don't you think the joker laughs at you?" --John Lennon

[Pike Bishop]

If you're going to be a bully, make sure you are the best bully that you can be.

"If history repeats itself, and the unexpected always happens, how incapable must Man be of learning from experience!" - George Bernard Shaw

I don't comprehend that if history actually repeats itself, the unexpected never happens...so, I should stick to writing my mediocre plays.

"Be a philosopher; but amidst all your philosophy, be still a man."--David Hume

[mona amon]

"My support of Lenin is going to sound awfully silly someday."

LOL! :)


"Don't you think the joker laughs at you?" --John Lennon

Comedy's not a one-way street, goo goo goo joob ...


"Be a philosopher; but amidst all your philosophy, be still a man."--David Hume

There is something dehumanizing about philosophy.

"Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster. And if you gaze long enough into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you." - Friedrich Nietzsche

[Iain Sparrow]

When you play with fire you get burned.

"I want to lead the Victorian life, surrounded by exquisite clutter" -Freddie Mercury

[Pike Bishop]

"What I really meant was i want to live an Edwardian life like Dorian Gray, surrounded by exquisite clutter, absinthe, Swinburne poems, and many pretty people."

"A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is fatal."--Oscar Wilde

[mona amon]

The safest thing is to be a whole, healthy hypocrite.

"Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light." - Dylan Thomas

[Pendragon]

http://www.frogprintz.com/assets/images/never-give-up_2.jpg

Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive. ~ Elbert Hubbard

[Lykren]

We're f*cked, party on.

Continuing with Nietzsche:

"Thoughts are the shadows of our feelings - always darker, emptier and simpler."

[Pompey Bum]

Don't worry! Be happy!

Let whoever is without sin amongst you cast the first stone.

[Pendragon]

"You are not fit to judge anyone!"

"That which does not kill you makes you stronger." ~ Nietzsche

[Pike Bishop]

The sour grapes placebo of someone who has just lost a battle and has no hopes of re-claiming victory.

"If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you."--Oscar Wilde

[mona amon]

Reality is a difficult pill to swallow without a sugar-coating of humour.

"Life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced." - Soren Kierkegaard

[Lykren]

Settle in.

"Only the pure in heart can make a good soup." - Beethoven

[North Star]

When you enter the kitchen, wash your hands.

“Time is the father of truth, its mother is our mind.” - Giordano Bruno

[Iain Sparrow]

Don't listen to your parents.

"Truth is the daughter of time, not of authority." -Sir Francis Bacon

[Pompey Bum]

It's okay for truth and authority to date.

"You know what the fellow said – in Italy, for thirty years under the Borgias, they had warfare, terror, murder and bloodshed, but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci and the Renaissance. In Switzerland, they had brotherly love, they had five hundred years of democracy and peace – and what did that produce? The cuckoo clock."

[Lykren]

"I have taken more than a few psychedelics today." EDIT: That was a response for North Star's Bruno quote! I am slow!

"Violence is worth it in the end."

"The nature of peoples is first crude, then severe, then benign, then delicate, finally dissolute." - Giambiattista Vico

[Pendragon]

You can get used to anything in time.

The old believe everything, the middle-aged suspect everything, and the young know everything. ~ Oscar Wilde

[Pike Bishop]

The old believe everything, the middle-aged suspect everything, and the young know everything. ~ Oscar Wilde

Oscar is a smart dude and usually gets it right, but he and I have met significantly different people.

Belief consists in accepting the affirmations of the soul; unbelief, in denying them--George Eliot

[mona amon]

Listen to your heart.

"The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun." - P. G. Wodehouse

[Pompey Bum]

Don't try to sight through the safety.

"Be as innocent as doves but as wise as serpents."

[Pendragon]

Don't let you mouth dig your grave

A creative man is motivated by the desire to achieve, not by the desire to beat others.
Ayn Rand

[mona amon]

Creative men are not as competitive as athletes.

"If you come to a fork in the road, take it." - Yogi Berra

[Pike Bishop]

Yogi was America's first deconstructionist.

"Genius is childhood recalled at will."--Charles Baudelaire

[Pendragon]

We were all so much smarter before we thought we knew everything!

“People who say it cannot be done should not interrupt those who are doing it.” ~ Anon

[mona amon]

Out of my way, you naysayers!

"Be happy for this moment. This moment is your life." - Omar Khayyam

[Pike Bishop]

I had no idea this time watching a Taylor Swift video was the end-all, be-all.

"To say of shame - what is it? Of virtue - we can miss it; of sin - we can kiss it, and it's no longer sin."--Algernon Swinburne

[Pendragon]

Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law

Leadership and learning are indispensable to each other.
John F. Kennedy

[Pompey Bum]

It would be nice if my boss knew who Kierkegaard was.

Joys impregnate, sorrows bring forth.

[Iain Sparrow]

My girlfriend is pregnant; we're going in for an ultrasound to see if it's a boy or an abortion.

"Each generation imagines itself to be more intelligent than the one that went before it, and wiser than the one that comes after it." -George Orwell

[mona amon]

Kids think they're smarter than their parents. Parents know they're wiser than their kids.

"Revenge by young men is considered gain, even at the cost of their own lives, but old men who stay at home in times of war, and mothers who have sons to lose, know better." - Chief Seattle

[Pike Bishop]

Young ex-slaves who fought against the slave-holders who violated and murdered their loved ones, usually did so without compulsion. Old men who stay home at time at war are very often the same ones who send young men to die for their own vengeance or financial gain. The mothers of such children rightfully know better to despise those old men, but will often support their son's vengeance with passion.

"Pleasure only starts once the worm has got into the fruit, to become delightful happiness must be tainted with poison."--Georges Bataille

[Pendragon]

Pleasure and pain are flip sides of the same coin

“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

[Pike Bishop]

We are our own greatest experiences, mysteries, and resources

"I am interested in language because it wounds or seduces me."--Roland Barthes

[Iain Sparrow]

Sticks and stones will break my bones... and words can hurt too.

"Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company." -Mark Twain

[Pike Bishop]

Bob Saget will probably be in Heaven

"I always had a repulsive need to be something more than human."--David Bowie

[Pendragon]

I'm eccentric-- so what?

"A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval." ~ Mark Twain

[Pike Bishop]

Going through life craving approval from others is living as both Tantalus and Sisyphus, yet unhappier than both.

"The role of a writer is not to say what we all can say, but what we are unable to say."--Anais Nin

[mona amon]

Writers are the spokesmen of the inarticulate.

"Marge, don't discourage the boy! Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals! Except the weasel." - Homer Simpson

[Clopin]

Hahahaha I love that Simpsons one, Homer's facial expression when he says "except the weasel" is hilarious.

[Pike Bishop]

"Marge, don't discourage the boy! Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals! Except the weasel." - Homer Simpson

Homer's facade as a bumbling moron is a facade, as he is actually a savvy pragmatist with a keen hold on all facets of his discourses.

"Morality is simply the attitude we adopt towards people whom we personally dislike."--Oscar Wilde

[Calidore]

"Marge, don't discourage the boy! Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals! Except the weasel." - Homer Simpson

Nobody actually translated this, so: "Children should be allowed to learn from their own mistakes."



"Morality is simply the attitude we adopt towards people whom we personally dislike."--Oscar Wilde

"Take the high road."

"A plague on both your houses!"

[Pompey Bum]

The real estate market is over.

Don't take the train. Let the train take you.

[North Star]

Don't rob trains, let the railroad company rob you.

“There is no progress in art, any more than there is progress in making love. There are simply different ways of doing it.” Man Ray

[Pike Bishop]

Man Ray was an excellent photographer with a limiting view of art.

"Good artists borrow; great artists steal."--T.S. Eliot

[Pendragon]

I can't get an original idea to save me!

"Cynics regarded everybody as equally corrupt... Idealists regarded everybody as equally corrupt, except themselves." ~ Robert Anton Wilson

[Pompey Bum]

I hope no one notices that G.K. Chesterton said that first.

Never give a sucker an even break.

[mona amon]

Always take advantage of a fool.

"All it takes for evil to succeed is for good people to say, "It's a business". - Alan Shore

[Pompey Bum]

Accommodating evil is just a matter of putting up with it.


"However beautiful the strategy, you should occasionally look at the results." -- W. Churchill

[Pike Bishop]

"All it takes for evil to succeed is for good people to say, "It's a business". - Alan Shore
Somebody did an excellent job anticipating the belief systems of our current pachydermical political party.

"Truth never comes into the world but like a bastard, to the ignominy of him that brought her birth."

[Iain Sparrow]

Truth is like an orphan waking early on Christmas Morn, lonely and unloved.

"Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth." -Oscar Wilde

[Pompey Bum]

Man is a coward.

"Three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth." -- Shakyamuni

[Pendragon]

A liar gets caught as sure as the sun rises and the moon sets.

"I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly." ~ Winston Churchill

[mona amon]

It isn't a good idea to be judgemental of the quick witted.

"You can pretend to be serious; but you can't pretend to be witty." - Sacha Guitry

[Pendragon]

Some people can't tell jokes, but they can act smarmy

Do. Or do not. There is no try. ~ Yoda

[Pompey Bum]

Don't try for me, Argentina!

Old soldiers never die, they just fade away.

[Pendragon]

I have no idea why there are so many tombstones at Arlington...

By the way God bless our Vets! I was privileged to met some of them today when I took the wife out to diner for Mother's Day. I was happy to donate to their cause. They gave us a little flag and a salute. The salute made me feel about an inch high, but I returned it and smiled.

"A person who undertakes to carry the cat home by the tail is getting an education he will never forget!" Mark Twain

[Pike Bishop]

People acting stupid meet with painful results.

"No object is so beautiful that, under certain conditions, it will not look ugly."--Oscar Wilde

[mona amon]

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and the eye sees differently according to the circumstances.

"Medicine to produce health must examine disease; and music, to create harmony must investigate discord." - Plutarch

[Pendragon]

No victory without overcoming defeat

"I praise loudly. I blame softly." ~ Catherine the Great

[Iain Sparrow]

I enjoy the company of a good man. I enjoy the company of a good horse even more.


"These are the times that try men's souls." -Thomas Paine

[mona amon]

O tempora! O mores!

"I reject any religious doctrine that does not appeal to reason and is in conflict with morality." - Mahatma Gandhi

[Pompey Bum]

I reject post-modern literary criticism.

"They also serve who only stand and wait." -- J. Milton

[Pike Bishop]

"I reject any religious doctrine that does not appeal to reason and is in conflict with morality." - Mahatma Gandhi

Mahatma wasn't a very religious man.

"None of us will ever accomplish anything excellent or commanding except when he listens to this whisper which is heard by him alone."--Ralph Waldo Emerson

[Pendragon]

Ideas come to those who wait

"Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

[mona amon]

Do not choose the road less travelled but the road not travelled at all.

"Small miseries, like small debts, hit us in so many places, and meet us at so many turns and corners, that what they want in weight, they make up in number, and render it less hazardous to stand the fire of one cannon ball, than a volley composed of such a shower of bullets." - Rudyard Kipling

[Iain Sparrow]

Do not choose the road less travelled but the road not travelled at all.

Good one!


"Small miseries, like small debts, hit us in so many places, and meet us at so many turns and corners, that what they want in weight, they make up in number, and render it less hazardous to stand the fire of one cannon ball, than a volley composed of such a shower of bullets." - Rudyard Kipling

Nickel-and-dimed to death.


"Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome." -Isaac Asimov

[Pendragon]

We fear the unknown.

"The more you like yourself, the less you are like anyone else, which makes you unique." ~ Walt Disney

[Pike Bishop]

Narcissism is the new existentialism...of course, Sartre already proved that.

"To eat steak rare... represents both a nature and a morality."--Roland Barthes

[mona amon]

I like eating raw meat.

"Fools rush in where angels fear to tread." - Alexander Pope

[Pike Bishop]

Fools go quickly into places where angels are afraid to walk.

"If the doors of perception were cleansed, everything would appear to man as it is, infinite."--William Blake

[Pendragon]

If we quit day dreaming we might be able to focus on reality

"Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself." ~ George Bernard Shaw

[mona amon]

Let us stop searching and start doing.

"Study the past, if you would divine the future." - Confucius

[Pompey Bum]

Your kung pao chicken will arrive shortly.

"L'etat c'est moi." -- Louis the Screwy

[Pendragon]

Le Buck se arrête ici.

"Life is a dream for the wise, a game for the fool, a comedy for the rich, a tragedy for the poor." ~Sholom Aleichem

[Pompey Bum]

It's good to be king.

"Full speed ahead and damn the torpedoes!" -- Admiral Farragut

[Pendragon]

We got this

"You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life." ~ Winston Churchill

[mona amon]

You can't have principles and universal popularity.

“True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country.” ― Kurt Vonnegut

[Pompey Bum]

And you've been reelected class clown.

"A horse! A horse! My kingdom for a horse!"

[mona amon]

Where's a cab when you need one?

"Frankly, our politics is so sad that if I had not been a cartoonist, I would have committed suicide." - R K Laxman

[Pompey Bum]

Better drawn than quartered.

"I regret that I have but one life to give for my country." --Nathan Hale

[Pendragon]

I'm about to die so I'd better say something memorable

"I have a simple philosophy: Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. Scratch where it itches." ~ Alice Roosevelt Longworth

[Pike Bishop]

I was far too influenced by my alcoholic father.

"Poetry should surprise by a fine excess and not by singularity, it should strike the reader as a wording of his own highest thoughts, and appear almost a remembrance."--John Keats

[mona amon]

Record your thoughts with too many not uncommon words and you've got a poem.

"Time is the only critic without ambition." - John Steinbeck

[Pike Bishop]

There is no other critic without ambition besides time.

"Life is like Sanskrit read to a pony."--Lou Reed

[Pendragon]

Nobody understands why things happen

"Are you really sure that a floor can't also be a ceiling?" ~ M. C. Escher

[Pompey Bum]

Knock three times on the ceiling if you love me.

"In seed time learn, in harvest teach, in winter enjoy."-- W. Blake

[mona amon]

There is a time for everything.

"To be interested in the changing seasons is a happier state of mind than to be hopelessly in love with spring." - George Santayana

[Pike Bishop]

You will be happier if you are interested in the changing state of seasons than if you are hopelessly smitten with the season after Winter.

"No one is free, even the birds are chained to the sky."--Bob Dylan

[Pendragon]

Freedom's just another word for "nothing left to lose" ~ Janis Joplin

"There is nothing which we receive with so much reluctance as advice." ~ Joseph Addison

[mona amon]

Don't tell me what to do.

"I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use." - Galileo Galilei

[Pike Bishop]

I'm not compelled to believe the deity who gave us logic, intelligence, and sensibility meant for us to not use them.

The world we see that seems so insane is the result of a belief system that is not working. To perceive the world differently, we must be willing to change our belief system, let the past slip away, expand our sense of now, and dissolve the fear in our minds.--William James

[Pendragon]

The times they are a-changing, so change with them

"It's better to be a lion for a day than a sheep all your life." ~ Elizabeth Kenny

[Pompey Bum]

No one's actually read Homer so he's probably safe to steal from.

"To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under Heaven." --Ecclesiastes

[Pendragon]

Stuff happens. Deal with it.

"All theory, dear friend, is gray, but the golden tree of life springs ever green." ~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

[mona amon]

Theory is but a pale shadow of reality.

"Well, it's not the men in your life that counts, it's the life in your men."
(Mae West, I'm No Angel (1933))

[Pendragon]

I'm a slut and proud of it

"Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad." ~ W. C. Fields

[Pompey Bum]

I'm an alcoholic and proud of it.

"I remember the first time I had sex. I kept the receipt." -- Groucho Marx

[Pendragon]

I pick up prostitutes.

"If your knees aren't green by the end of the day, you ought to seriously re-examine your life." ~ Bill Watterson

[Pompey Bum]

He wouldn't have been the Jolly Green Giant if he didn't have mentors.

"Y'all come back now, y'hear?" -- Ellie Mae Clampett

[Pendragon]

Goodbye, politely, from us Southerners

"He was an old man who fished alone in a skiff in the Gulf Stream and he had gone eighty-four days now without taking a fish." Ernest Hemingway

[Pompey Bum]

Life is like a big dead fish.

"Suddenly someone is there at the turnstile, the girl with kaleidoscope eyes." --J. Lennon

[Pendragon]

I need some lyrics very bad

"To succeed in life, you need two things: ignorance and confidence." ~ Mark Twain

[mona amon]

That pushy dimwit beat me to it.

"The more laws, the less justice." - Marcus Tullius Cicero

[Pendragon]

Power corrupts.

"Words are but wind; and learning is nothing but words; ergo, learning is nothing but wind." ~ Jonathan Swift

[mona amon]

I am guilty of the syllogistic fallacy of the undistributed middle.

"If you're going through hell, keep going." - Winston Churchill

[Pompey Bum]

They were just pulling your leg with that Abandon All Hope sign.

"What fools these mortals be!" --Puck

[Pendragon]

Elves are stuck up.

"Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing." ~ Robert Benchley

[mona amon]

My silence spoke eloquently.

"The artist, like the God of the creation, remains within or behind or beyond or above his handiwork, invisible, refined out of existence, indifferent, paring his fingernails." - James Joyce

[Pompey Bum]

Another Guinness please.

"It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife." -- Plain Jane

[Pendragon]

Women spend your money.

"If you don't know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else." ~ Yogi Berra

[Pompey Bum]

So it's usually best not to know.

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back. -- Oscar Wilde

[Pendragon]

I don't pay anyone back

"Prejudice is a great time saver. You can form opinions without having to get the facts." ~ E. B. White

[mona amon]

Facts, who needs 'em?

"Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now you tell me what you know." - Groucho Marx

[Pendragon]

What you know is unimportant to me

"Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia." ~ Charles M. Schulz

[Pompey Bum]

And if they screw things up, we'll never know what hit us.

"I wear the chain I forged in life." -- Marley's Ghost

[Pendragon]

You get what you deserve

"No man has a good enough memory to be a successful liar." ~ Abraham Lincoln

[mona amon]

Oh what a tangled web we weave,
When first we practise to deceive!

"It's just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up." - Muhammad Ali

[Pompey Bum]

It's a living.

There is at least one fool in every married couple. -- Henry Fielding

[Pendragon]

Depending on which you are, husbands/wives are fools

"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." ~ Dr. Seuss

[Pompey Bum]

Not in a box. Not with a fox.

"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe." -- A. Einstein

[mona amon]

Lord, what fools these mortals be!

"Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please." - Mark Twain

[Pendragon]

Even facts can be distorted to fit one's views.

“The devil can cite Scripture for his purpose." ~ Shakespeare

[mona amon]

Quotes without context do not prove anything.

"There are several good protections against temptation, but the surest is cowardice." - Mark Twain

[Pendragon]

People behave because they are afraid of getting caught

"Spaghetti can be eaten most successfully if you inhale it like a vacuum cleaner." ~ Sophia Loren

[Pompey Bum]

Sophia had a lot of practice.

The cistern contains; the fountain overflows

[mona amon]

And the cistern sometimes overflows, as does the toilet.

"A full purse is not as good as an empty one is bad."
Yiddish Proverb

[mona amon]

double post

[Pendragon]

It's not so much having money as it is lacking money

"Heaven lent you a soul, Earth will lend a grave." ~ Christian Nestell Bovee

[Iain Sparrow]

Running into debt isn’t so bad. It’s running into creditors that hurts.


“If I owe you a pound, I have a problem; but if I owe you a million, the problem is yours.” -John Maynard Keynes

[Pompey Bum]

Never lend money to a liberal.

"History is indeed little more than the register of the crimes, follies, and misfortunes of mankind." --Edward Gibbon

[Pendragon]

History is boring

"History is an account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly knaves, and soldiers, mostly fools." Ambrose Bierce

[Pompey Bum]

Nothing Ambrose Bierce did matters.

"The Beatles are bigger than God now."--John Lennon

[Pendragon]

Lennon had a Messiah Complex

"If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month." ~
Theodore Roosevelt

[Pompey Bum]

Because he'd kick you right back.

"Courage--and roll the dice!"

[Pendragon]

Take chances.

"The buried talent is the sunken rock on which most lives strike and founder." ~ Frederick William Faber

[Pompey Bum]

Fredrick William Faber thinks you should be a vice-president by now.

"I am not a crook." -- Richard Nixon

[Pendragon]

At least not until I get caught...

"I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals." ~ Winston Churchill

[mona amon]

My favourite novel is Animal Farm.

"Whether it's the best of times or the worst of times, it's the only time we've got." - Art Buchwald

[Pompey Bum]

Just skip to the guillotine bit at the end.

"Marley was dead to begin with."

[Pendragon]

Yo, we have a ghost story here!

"All I know is what I read in the newspapers" ~ Will Rogers

[Pompey Bum]

It's going to rain Wednesday, but I'm not sure what rain is.

"You can't teach and old dogma new tricks." -- Dorothy Parker

[Pendragon]

Dogma doesn't change much,

"You can lead a whore to culture but you can't make her think." Dorothy Parker

[Pompey Bum]

"I'm smarter than others, and therefore morally superior."

"If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance." --G. B. Shaw

[Pendragon]

Put a good spin on everything.

Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country ~ JFK

[mona amon]

Stop whining about the government already!

"The problem with socialism is that you eventually run out of other peoples' money." Margaret Thatcher

[Pendragon]

We waste your money, Taxpayers!

"Blessed is the man who expects nothing, for his life will be free from disappointment."~ Adam Christian

[Pompey Bum]

Don't expect much more from me.

"Happy is the dog who loves the stick that beats it." -- P. Bum (said sarcastically)

[Pendragon]

I'm sarcastic

It was a dark and stormy night. ~ Snoopy

[mona amon]

As good a way to begin a story as any.

"Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes." - Jim Carrey

[Iain Sparrow]

Dumb & Dumber.

“Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love.” ― Charles M. Schulz

[Pompey Bum]

Good grief tastes bad.

"When all is said and done, a lot more is said than done" -- Traditional

[Pendragon]

Do. Or do not. There is no try.

"Only the wisest and stupidest of men never change." ~ Confucius

[Pompey Bum]

They wear the same clothes forever.

Oh better far to live and die
Under the bold black flag I fly
Than to take a sanctimonious part
With a pirate head and a pirate heart!

-- W. S. Gilbert

[mona amon]

It's between the extremes that all the action happens.

“When life itself seems lunatic, who knows where madness lies? Perhaps to be too practical is madness. To surrender dreams — this may be madness. Too much sanity may be madness — and maddest of all: to see life as it is, and not as it should be!”
― Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra, Don Quixote

[mona amon]

They wear the same clothes forever.

:lol:


Oh better far to live and die
Under the bold black flag I fly
Than to take a sanctimonious part
With a pirate head and a pirate heart!

-- W. S. Gilbert

I think pirates are so romantic.

“When life itself seems lunatic, who knows where madness lies? Perhaps to be too practical is madness. To surrender dreams — this may be madness. Too much sanity may be madness — and maddest of all: to see life as it is, and not as it should be!”
― Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra, Don Quixote

[Calidore]

"I'm not crazy; it's all of you!"

“To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.” ― Oscar Wilde

[Pompey Bum]

Jean Paul Sartre is so overrated.

"Only shallow people know themselves." -- Oscar Wilde

[Tyrion Cheddar]

<peels apple, sits quietly, daunted, as he is, by the wits of others in this forum> Gawds, oy wish oy were smart an' all.

[Pendragon]

I'm better than average.

"Who so loves believes the impossible." ~ Elizabeth Barrett Browning

[Pompey Bum]

It's getting impossible to love Bill.

"Nice guys finish last" -- Variously attributed

[RufusWGriswold]

You have just entered the friend zone.

"If a composer could say what he had to say in words he would not bother trying to say it in music." - Gustav Mahler

[Pendragon]

@&#$ it, Jim, I'm a composer, not a talker.

"Those who do not remember the past are condemned to repeat it." ~ George Santayana

[Pompey Bum]

Those who don't pass history are doomed to repeat it.

"God, I hate the 20th century." -- George Patton

[Pendragon]

But war is hell.

"The business of art is to reveal the relation between man and his environment." ~ D. H. Lawrence

[Pompey Bum]

Tell Michael it was only business.

"Tell them I said something." --Pancho Villa

[mona amon]

Alas, I can't think of any famous last words.

"Today you are you! That is truer than true! There is no one alive who is you-er than you!"
Dr. Seuss

[Pendragon]

Apparently, I am me.

"Who's woods these are I think I know. His house is in the village though. He will not see me stopping here to watch his woods fill up with snow." Robert Frost

[North Star]

I'm trespassing but it's OK - I'm out of the landowner's shotgun range.

“We don’t see things as they are, but as we are.” Anais Nin

[Pendragon]

We tend to slant things our way

"I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I am not sure you understand that what you heard is not what I meant." Anonymous

[Pompey Bum]

This is why I like to keep anonymous.

"Then something began to hurt Mowgli inside him, as he had never been hurt in his life before, and he caught his breath and sobbed, and the tears ran down his face.

"What is it? What is it?" he said. "I do not wish to leave the jungle, and I do not know what this is. Am I dying, Bagheera?"

"No, Little Brother. That is only tears such as men use," said Bagheera. "Now I know thou art a man, and a man's cub no longer. The jungle is shut indeed to thee henceforward. Let them fall, Mowgli. They are only tears."

--R. Kipling

[Pendragon]

Apparently tears separate man from beast.

"Not to go about upon all fours, that is the Law. Are we not men?" HG Wells, Island of Doctor Moreau, the Sayer of the Law speaking

[Pompey Bum]

I mean, except for the litter box. Okay, that's still a problem.

"Oh brave new world that hath such people in it!" -- W. Shakespeare

[Pendragon]

The triumph of hope over despair

"The business of business is business." ~ Milton Friedman

[Pompey Bum]

Resistance is futile!

"Resistance is futile." -- The Borg

[mona amon]

Swim with the current.

"I think; therefore I am." - René Descartes

[Pendragon]

I'm insecure

"In the State of Denmark there is the odor of decay." ~ Prince Corwin, Chronicles of Amber

[RufusWGriswold]

Prince Hamlet hasn't washed since his father died

"I may not have been always a Christian, but I am very sure that I have been a gentleman." - Rufus Griswold

[Iain Sparrow]

Better to be a gentleman in Hell, than a scoundrel in Heaven.

"Critics are like eunuchs in a harem; they know how it's done, they've seen it done every day, but they're unable to do it themselves." -Brendan Behan

[Pendragon]

Those who cannot write criticize...

"You're only here for a short visit. Don't hurry, don't worry. And be sure to smell the flowers along the way." ~
Walter Hagen

[mona amon]

Live in the moment.

"Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment." - Benjamin Franklin

[Iain Sparrow]

Don't fool with fools, and keep good company.

"We have it in our power to begin the world over again." -Thomas Paine

[Pendragon]

It's time for change. Let's do this!

As we grow older, our bodies get shorter and our anecdotes longer. ~ Robert Quillen

[Pendragon]

Time bends bodies and memories

I think that I shall never see a billboard lovely as a tree...

[mona amon]

Too many commercials.

"If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion." - Dalai Lama

[Pendragon]

Practice compassion,already!

Because I could not stop for death, he kindly stopped for me ~ Emily Dickinson

[Pendragon]

The Grim Reaper gets us all in the end

"THE thousand injuries of Fortunato I had borne as I best could ; but when he ventured upon insult, I vowed revenge." Edgar Allan Poe

[Calidore]

The pen is mightier than the sword.

"The pen is mightier than the sword." -- Edward Bulwer-Lytton

[Pompey Bum]

Uncle Penn can kick your butt. :)

"Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more; Or close the wall up with our English dead." -- W. Shakespeare

(My answer: "After you!")