PDA

View Full Version : Running is Ugly



abnormalalien
02-09-2015, 11:08 PM
Hi, this is a story I came up with awhile ago but only just jotted down. Thanks for reading.

There's nothing good about running. Oh sure, doctors say that it's good cardio. So is hiking or biking or just about any sport that really gets you moving. But running is ugly. You dress in ugly outfits, sweat profusely, and pant like a dog. In my opinion, no one looks good running. That includes scantily clad women in yoga pants and especially topless men in short shorts.

However, my job requires me to run. Sometimes. But when it does, I have to be ready. After all, I can't let a murderer or thief get away just because I hate running. And I can't necessarily leave all the running up to my partner. It used to be that my partner and I would train together. We'd run the trails and parks around the city to keep us in shape. We'd meet up before work or after a paperwork laden shift, run a few miles, and eventually huff and puff our way home. Being the gentleman that I am, I always ran her home, even on mornings when we went before work. You can never be too careful. And in our line of work, you lose a lot of trust in humanity.

We barely run together anymore. That's more my fault than hers. You see, my partner now runs with a hitch. She has a specific lilt in her step that slows her down. Some people call it a limp. Others call it a disability; she laughs at those people. Regardless of what you call it, I use the reduction in her pace as an excuse to run by myself more often than not. But it's really just that, an excuse. And that aggravates me.

One summer afternoon, when we were working a bank robbery, my partner jumped in front of a bullet for me. And I am exceedingly grateful. The bullet that landed in her hip, was aimed at my head. So, though I know I should be able to run at her slowed pace in penance for her saving my rear end, I still can't do it. I fight with myself day after day over this seeming disloyalty and ungratefulness. I want to be a better man than that.

But, what it really comes down to, is what I don't tell her. I hide behind an arrogant mask of speed records and lap times to keep her from knowing that she's changed me. The real reason I can't run with my partner anymore is literally because of that limp in her step. When she walks, you barely notice it. But running makes it much more apparent. And despite the fact that running is ugly, when my crippled partner runs, it's beautiful.

DATo
02-09-2015, 11:22 PM
Well done! I thought you were heading for a twist ending with the partner being revealed as a K9. I have a ridiculous love affair with twist endings *L*

I feel however that your story is much deeper, and if I interpret it correctly is saying that the narrator does not wish to admit that he feels guilty for his partner's altered gait. Am I close?

Milton Satyr
02-09-2015, 11:59 PM
I like the ambiguity. Enjoyed this. :)

108 fountains
02-10-2015, 10:06 AM
Since joining this Forum, I'm starting to appreciate more and more what I guess are called short, short stories of less than 1000 or even 500 words. I like this one a lot. I have two minor suggestions: Going from paragraph 3 to paragraph 4, you sort of move forward and back in time (first describing the limp, and only in the next paragraph explaining how the limp came to be). While there's nothing wrong with that, I thought it was unnecessary and somewhat confusing. I would considering combining the two paragraphs (which would involve some shortening), and just have the limp follow the shooting incident. The other thing is, since the partner is not really "crippled," you might consider changing the last sentence to "And despite the fact that running is ugly, when my partner runs now, it's beautiful."

Great to have you on the Forum, abnormalalien, and am looking forward to hearing more from you. I see you are from my home town. I'll be retiring from my job in Washington, DC, in a couple of months and plan to move back to the area after 23 years of being away.

abnormalalien
02-10-2015, 12:31 PM
Well done! I thought you were heading for a twist ending with feels guiltythe partner being revealed as a K9. I have a ridiculous love affair with twist endings *L*

I feel however that your story is much deeper, and if I interpret it correctly is saying that the narrator does not wish to admit that he feels guilty for his partner's altered gait. Am I close?

Ha, I like the k9 twist but that was not what I intended. The narrator definitely feels guilty for his partner's limp. In addition, there's some vague feeling of gratefulness for her friendship and a new appreciation for life. Thanks for the feedback!

abnormalalien
02-10-2015, 12:36 PM
I like the ambiguity. Enjoyed this. :)

Thanks, I was pretty nervous about this one. :-)

abnormalalien
02-10-2015, 12:47 PM
Since joining this Forum, I'm starting to appreciate more and more what I guess are called short, short stories of less than 1000 or even 500 words. I like this one a lot. I have two minor suggestions: Going from paragraph 3 to paragraph 4, you sort of move forward and back in time (first describing the limp, and only in the next paragraph explaining how the limp came to be). While there's nothing wrong with that, I thought it was unnecessary and somewhat confusing. I would considering combining the two paragraphs (which would involve some shortening), and just have the limp follow the shooting incident. The other thing is, since the partner is not really "crippled," you might consider changing the last sentence to "And despite the fact that running is ugly, when my partner runs now, it's beautiful."

Great to have you on the Forum, abnormalalien, and am looking forward to hearing more from you. I see you are from my home town. I'll be retiring from my job in Washington, DC, in a couple of months and plan to move back to the area after 23 years of being away.

Ah, thanks for the feedback. That transition was really aggravating me as well. What you're suggesting makes a lot of sense to me so I'm going to fix it before I post it on my blog.

Actually, you have given me the perfect opportunity to introduce myself. I work in the same place as DATo. I'm not a native to the area but I'll be around for awhile. I'm technically from rural mountainous regions of NY. It was an interesting transition from mountain life to city life. I can only imagine the difference between St. Louis and DC. I've always wanted to visit DC but I doubt I could live there for that long!