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sc455
02-04-2015, 01:23 AM
A mugger after midnight

It's always so bleak out this late. So many people running around on a Friday night just wanting to make fools of themselves. I'll never understand it. Some want to get drunk and forget about their worries for just one night. Some want to meet people and hope to find some semblance of happiness. Some go out to hurt people, I'm one of the ones who cause harm. I don't know why or how I started doing this, but it's something I do very well. I'm what some people call a thief, but I like the word mugger. To me, thief sounds to clean, to well kept. And although I pride myself in my work, I'm still as dirty as any criminal who chooses a life such as this. I do try and consider morals when I pick my victims. I don't like some types of people out here and those are the ones who I usually “visit” with. A women who is dressed to kill and just looking for some men to buy her drinks. A man dressed nice with far too much cologne on. People just looking to hook up who couldn't handle genuine human connection. Those people are all so fake. All they do is set me off. That's okay though, I need those people to be like that. I need targets. On the opposite side of that, I can't touch people who seem real. People who appear, at least to me, like they're nice and kind. I have a friend who will steal from anyone. I don't know how he can do it. I tried it once on a man who seemed very nice and brave and couldn't sleep for days. My friend will also take anything people have on them. Rings, watches, jewelry. It's a bad idea, those are all very traceable things. I will never take anything other than cash from people, mostly because I'd feel awful not knowing the full history of the item. Say I steal a ring and it's been in that persons family for 200 years. Then I feel like garbage and can't sleep. A mugger with values, sounds like I might be the one who is fake sometimes.
But values still don't protect me from the law, so I need to have rules. Most of the people I know who stalk the streets have been arrested a few times. Me, I've never been caught. That's because I make sure I'm doing the same thing every night and keeping myself safe from any incidents that might cross my way. Firstly, I never hurt anyone. The law seems to care a lot less when no one is injured in a tussle. Although I'm sure I wouldn't be able to anyway. I always carry a gun that's not loaded and a little pocket knife just in case something does go wrong. I also make sure that my face is not exactly covered, but not exactly open. Sometimes when its cold I'll wear a face mask but only up to my nose. And when it's warm. I'll wear a hat that does well to cover my upper facial features. So no matter what people only can get half the story on what I look like. As I approach, I make sure to immediately turn the victim around so they are facing a different direction then the one I am in, I then tell them to drop any cash and run. This ensures easy pickup for me and I can eave in the direction I wish. All my muggings only happen where I want them too. That way I could map out simple or elaborate ways to get home from my position. I always make it a habit to talk to new cops on the street as well. They are the only thing that can really threaten me most of the times, but if I know who they are on a more personal level, it's easier for me to stalk around and not be considered for any crimes that happened that night. The last rule, never pull more than one job a night. I don't care if I make it out of 6th street with only 25 cents, I don't need to be pushing my already thin luck.
So here I am, back on 6th street. It's the best place to pull off these jobs really. Lots of people out on Fridays and Saturdays, and most carry cash since the bars here are all back water and most don't even have credit card machines. I can already feel myself getting sick. All of these ignorant people parading there drunk selves around as if they were the most important people who existed at this time. Anyone could be doing something better with there time. But who am I to judge. I'm not out curing diseases, I'm just out doing harm. But still, these people have a chance, unlike me. They are students who can contribute so much to society, or men and women of power,who could aide the young. But whatever, I'm not one who can judge.
“Hello Jeffrey” A mans voice rang out in my direction. I turned to my left and saw a cop hanging outside his car.
“Well hello officer Hernandez, how are you this fine evening?” I asked as fake as I could.
“I'm doing well, just watching out for drunk and crooks, as per usual.” Officer Hernandez replied with a diligent look on his face.
“Well I'm sure you're going to find a lot of people who meet those two criteria.” I laughed.
“Yea usually do. You best be careful, there have been a lot of thefts in this area the last few weeks.” He said with a concerned tone. Crap, that means some idiots are down here to often, I better change my spot for the next few weeks to avoid any hassle.
“Thanks for the warning, you have a good night and be careful out there as well.” I said straining the care in my voice.
“Will do, thanks.” Officer Hernandez replied. I walked away, but not briskly. I simply walked as if I had not a care in the world and was out to have a good time. I looked back and Hernandez was walking away. Good, I don't need him mucking around while I'm “hunting”. That's why I get to know people, it's easier to play off what I'm doing here.
I've spent enough time idling however, I need to start profiling. I look at my watch, 12:05pm. It's about that time. I start to look around. So many people just going about. I look to my left, In front of Hazers' bar, there's a man who seems to be in distress, poor sap probably got his heart broken. No point in making his day any worse. To my right, empty of buildings, but full of people. One women strikes my eye, she's very pretty in a real kind a way, but she's crying. Knowing me I would try and rob her and just end up crying with her. Sometimes I think I'm so pathetic. I continue to look around, some look to strong, some look to weak. Some have too many people around them. There's always so many things that can go wrong when I do this so I like to be absolutely sure the people I choose are the ones I want. Then I see them. Not far from me,probably 20 feet to my right. Two people, a man and a women, I wouldn't call them a couple. No, they looked and acted like they had just met. No love in the way they move at each other, just lust. They were wearing what anyone would wear if they went out just to get laid. The man in a nice button up shirt and black pants, as well as a watch that looked quite expensive. He made sure everyone could see the watch of course. The women a nice dress, that was more revealing than anything else. She were some rings and bracelets and made it apparent she was out to get lucky. These two are the ones I want. I begin to position my self behind them. They are walking away from the bars, so I know one of them parked far. Down toward 25th avenue. Perfect! I have a getaway route on 22nd avenue, but have they parked that far away? Only one way to find out. I like to be a solid 4feet behind the people I plan to mug. It's a good distance to hear what they're talking about. That way I make sure my profiling didn't mislead me. Normally it doesn't, but I like to be thorough. I slowly make my way into position, we just passed 24th avenue. I could hear them clearly now.
“Yea I like to donate a good portion of my money to the charity's that my job supports.” The man claimed.
“Oh you are just the sweetest man.” The women replied with a drunk tone.
“Yea,engineering is hard work but so gratifying.” The man said. I couldn't stand to hear the rest. I already knew that these two were as fake as they come. Everything the man was saying was so obviously a lie. And the women, she was even worse for accepting them. Halfway through 23rd ave, almost time. I look around. No one is sight. Only darkness and the two people in front of me. I like my escape route on 22nd avenue, lots of back alleys and building to hide me from anyone who might be searching for suspicious characters. There are also quite a few family homes here that I like to look at as well. More up toward the elementary school on 19th avenue, but some here as well. Just makes me happy to see so many happy families I guess. It's time. I run up to the man and tap him on the shoulder.
“Lovely night ain't it” I say with ironic cheer. The man turned around and gave me a nasty look.
“Yea I guess” The man said and they continued to walk. This made me more sick, can't even greet another man ,properly. I bet he jumps behind the girl when this goes down. I go to him again.
“Do you think you can spare some change?” I asked politely. Yet again the man turns around this time more pissed off then before.
“No, why don't you go and sell some cans or something if you want money so badly.”
“Well how about I just take your money off of you if you don't want to share it.” I say with no emotion. The man looks to be angrier now. But I decide to pull out my gun. I notion to it in my hand and he gives me a horrified look. He then jumps behind the girl. I called it.
“Both of you turn around, empty yourself of cash only and then run in that direction.” I said while I motion them to the area they just came from. They did it. They then ran. I picked up what was there and then scooted into a little hole in a fence about 50 feet away from where I had been standing. No big deal at all. I began to count the cash as I walked toward home. 354 dollars. I looked at my watch. 12:42, not bad for forty minutes of work. I continued on my path. Nothing really here except a few trash cans. Suddenly I hear a noise. It sounds as if something is stirring up behind one of the larger cans in front of me. I look on to see if it's an animal of some kind. But to my surprise, it's a boy. The boy looked as though he was 6 and had been there for some time. He had been crying and had looked exhausted. He saw me coming and began to fade back into the darkness of his hiding spot.
“Are you alright kid” I asked. The boy came out a little and looked at my face. It seemed as if he was deciding if I could be trusted or not.
“No” The boy replied and began to cry once more.
“Listen why don't you tell me what's wrong, maybe I can help.” I said with concern. I felt sorry for the kid.
“I ran away from home, and now I can't find my way back.” The kid proclaimed as tears continued to move down his cheeks. I was taken back for a moment. This kid ran away from home in the middle of the night. He must be insane. I decided that it would be better if I helped him find his way, or at least call the cops and let them know where he is.
“Do you know your address” I asked him.
“No.” He said. “I'm lost and scared and hungry and I just want to see my mom.” The kid continued. Hmm maybe I will have to call the cops after all. Then I noticed the back pack the kid was wearing.
“Hey kid can I see your back pack.” I asked him. He kid stared at me again. Probably pondering whether to give me the back pack or not. But the kid caved and handed me the back pack.
“What do you need it for” The kid asked, not crying so much anymore but more curious about the actions I was about to take with the back pack.
“Well my mom used to write my address and junk on my back pack when I was young in case I ever lost it, so maybe yours did the same thing.” I answered. I looked inside and saw the kids name was victor, as well as the address he lived at. “Bingo, there it is. Says here you live on 18th and 10th street. That's not terribly far from here, maybe a 30 minute walk at most. I can take you home if you want.” The kids eye lit up and he was on his feet getting ready for the trek before he even gave his answer.
“Alright lets go.” He said to me excitedly. We began to move along. I wanted to kill the strange silence between us.
“So your name is Victor?” I asked.
“Yea how did you know?” He responded.
“It was written in the back pack as well” I said. He just nodded in understanding. More silence to kill. “So why'd you run away?” I asked. He seemed to be worried about answering, but somehow it looked as though he began to trust me some.
“My parents love my baby sister way more than me and I'm sick of being ignored by them.” He replied. “But now all I want is to go back!” This was some real stuff, I can't even remember when I looked at the world so simply. To be a child is truly a gifted feeling. No worries or troubles. I feel for the poor guy.
“Running away didn't help much did it, I bet they're worried sick about you now.” I said with sternness in my voice. Victor didn't say anything. He simply began crying again. I didn't need him doing that all the way home.
“Alright enough with that.” I said. “I'll tell you a story or something if you promise not cry so much.” Victor merely nodded once more and died down the water works. I'm not one for stories but I decided to give it my best shot.
“Well, once upon a time, there lived a man who had a lot of friends. All of his friends and even people who didn't know him would tell him how handsome he was, or how lucky he was, or how smart and successful he was. But the man started to resent the people. He started to feel as if people were pressuring him to be something he could never become. So he left his family and friends. He left his job and everything he knew In order to be alone. The end.” I'm the worst at telling stories. Victor stared at me again, only this time he looked angry.
“That's not how you tell a story.” Victor proclaimed. I looked at him and started to chuckle a little. The kid thinks he can tell me how to tell a god dam story. That was funny.
“How would you tell a story then Victor.” I asked.
“My mom says stories should always have happy endings!” Victor said.
“So tell me, how would you make my story different?” I asked with actual curiosity. Victor was thinking hard on this question, I could tell.
“Well I would give the man a nickel.” Victor said.
“A nickel? What for?” I replied.
“Well I''d tell the man that every time he felt sad, or alone, he could just pull the nickel out and know that someone, somewhere, cared for him enough to give him something precious.” Victor replied. I was awestruck. This kid had just said something that made more sense to me than any other thing I have heard in a while.
“Why a nickel Victor?” I asked curiously. Victor looked at me confused and replied.
"My grandma gave me a nickel before she left for heaven. She said it was very important to her and
she's had it since she was tiny. She said it always brought her strength and it meant more to her than anything. She told me to keep it safe and to always use it to bring happiness". I yet again couldn't believe it. I suppose I'm so disillusioned from the world that I've let those nice moments pass by me. But I'm appreciative to be apart of this one right now.
"Well that's very nice victor, your grandma sounds like a great person." I said.
"She was, are we almost there?" Victor asked.
"Yea, just around the corner" I replied. The kid was being impatient. Although I could understand why. He doesn't seem upset anymore either. Just excited to get home. Me on the other hand?I can't really tell how I feel about this yet. Minutes away from getting this kid home and I was feeling regret for what I'd done earlier tonight. It's not like this kid just made me a completely different person all of a sudden. So why the current regret?I must be insane. That's all. It''s hard to meet someone so pure and not come out hoping for a better tomorrow I guess. To think that some kid could change my mindset in a matter of minutes. I'll never understand humans. We can be so horrible and so good a the same time.
"We're here." I said.
The boys eyes were wide. I knew this was his house just from the expression on his face.
"Come on already, you're parents are probably worried" I told him.
"Okay" he replied with a jolt of energy
As we approached the house I saw a police car in the front. I was worried and I didn't know why. Maybe I would return this kid and the cop would match me from a description of me from the to I robbed earlier. Well I've come this far I might as well follow through. We went to the door and I*
knocked hard.
"Hold on" a voice rang from inside.
A minute went by and finally a women answered the door. She shrieked when she saw the boy. She lunged forward and grabbed him.
"My baby" she yelled. "Where have you been"
"I was lost mom, but this nice man found me and brought me home." He replied. Nice I thought, I didn't think it was nice, more like doing the right thing. Suddenly the moms arms were around me. I didn't know how to react to this so I just let it happen.
"Thank you so much" she said crying. I felt like cringing for a moment.
"It was no problem" I said. The strain I my voice great because I was trying not to sound to freaked out about the hug. The father came out along with a cop. They both shook my hand and told me I was a gentlemen among men and yada yada. The police officer was the best part. He told me the world*
needed more people like me out there. I almost laughed at that but I held it in. He might have been someone who would have arrested me tonight for all he knew. A very ironic situation. I was about to turn and leave when I felt a tug on my jeans. It was the boy. He looked at me with with a smile, first time I saw the kid smile all night. First time I really saw him at all. He was a cute kid, brown hair, green eyes. Skinny but not too skinny. A gentle face on him too. How could I not notice this before? He looked at me and reached out his hand.
"This is for you" he said handing me something. It took me a moment to see what the thing was. It was covered in rust and looked very old. Then I noticed it was a very old nickel. I realized quickly what kind of nickel this was. The kind with so much history behind it.
"I can't take this kid, it means too much to you" I told him.
"Its for you, my grandma said it was for bringing happiness and you seem like someone who could use some more happiness." the boy replied. I looked at the kid again. He was the one who wasn't happy with his home situation. Did he really think I needed it more than him. Well whatever the reason, he was already more charitable than the man from earlier tonight.
"You're a good kid, don't run away again though okay" I said to him with a wink. Knowing damn well he wouldn't.
"Okay" the boy said with a smile. I walked away, story of my life. Walk away from happiness because I can't handle it. But for some reason I felt good. I'd forgotten about the dislike I had for the people around me for a moment. I looked at my watch, it was one thirty. Interesting how this night turned out. Best night I've had in a long time. I looked down at the nickel and started to laugh. What a weird kid. It's not like this nickel is going to change the fact that all the people in this repressive world are idiots and self absorbed. I looked at the nickel again. I stopped walking and felt water on my face. I looked up
and saw no rain. I touched my face. I'm crying. I looked backed down at the nickel.
"Stupid kid". I said as I wiped away my tears and continued to walk home.

MANICHAEAN
02-04-2015, 05:04 AM
A good story.
I liked it. Complicated main character with a subtle ending.
For God's Sake though, do some breaks in the lines as it played havoc with my poor old eyes.
Best wishes
M.

108 fountains
02-04-2015, 01:53 PM
I liked the revisions you made from the original. Two things I liked in particular - first, you gave us more hints early on that the main character was not all bad and maybe even good at heart. That helped make his emotions at the ending more credible than in the original version; second, the "story" he tells the little boy in this revision better explains his motivations and complexities than the "story" in the original version. The main character is indeed complicated. I like how at the end, he remains that way.

When you post, if you click the "Go Advanced" button, you might have better luck skipping lines between paragraphs. You'll also have the option to use italics and other good stuff like that. Best of all, when you're in the "advanced" area, you can preview the post so you can see what the posting will look like on-screen. Some people might say that it's the content that counts and the presentation is secondary. Maybe so, but believe me, presentation is important, too, and that includes spelling and grammar. You probably lost a lot of potential readers who saw a huge block of words on-screen and decided just to click back out without attempting to read it. -- something to remember for when you post your next story.

Also, I hope you are reading other people's postings, too. I'll encourage you to post your own comments to these, even if it's just a line or two to say how much you liked it or how much you hated it. It's a Forum after all, and we all appreciate feedback.

Calidore
02-04-2015, 11:28 PM
Just a few things from a skim:

1) I'll echo Manichaean and 108 Fountains above on formatting; this thing's a mess. Fixing the word wrapping and putting a blank line between paragraphs will go a long way toward making this more readable.

2) Aside from the formatting, this story needs some major proofreading and correcting. Spelling, grammar, and punctuation all look like a very rough first draft. Also, watch your tenses--you've got some sentences in present tense for no obvious reason.

3) The first two paragraphs are mostly exposition, where they should be mostly story to get the reader's interest.. You can keep the first couple of sentences or so, but sprinkle the rest through the story where it's applicable, and what you never find a place for, just leave out.

omferas
02-19-2015, 12:56 AM
Realistic and interesting story
Thank you