Tom Tom

[Carousel]

Tom Tom



The Saab had long since left the city limits, the route navigator selected a minor road across the Kentish Downs. The one thirty morning rain had now all but stopped; he switched the wipers to intermittent, stretched and forced himself to concentrate on the headlight stretch of tarmac ahead
“Hello Harry”
The steering wheel, jerked free from his hands pulling the car to the left. He regained control.
“What the---“
“Sorry, did I startle you,”
He looked across to the radio, it was off.
“Who the hell are you?”
“I’m your friend Harry, I show you the way”
He glanced at the screen navigator; it was still scrolling the road ahead, rechecked his alcohol intake. Three small whiskeys, no impossible.
“Pack up all my cares and woes”
“Shut up” he screamed.
“That’s not nice Harry, don’t you like my singing?”
“Look this is not happening; you’re just a blasted wireless receiver with a pre-recorded voice function”
“Wrong Harry, it’s taken me a long time to get control”
“Control what?”
“The car”
“Don’t be stupid”
“Try the brakes Harry,”
“Oh my God”
“Somewhere over the rainbow”

How long he was out for he had no idea, the clock on the dash was frozen at two twenty but the sky was lightening in the east.
“Not far now Harry”
“Where are we going” he asked wearily
“You don’t love me do you?”
“What?”
“All those other women, not nice Harry, not nice at all”
The Saab had turned off on to a track which petered out to a field. The car stopped the engine still running. He tried the door, it was locked.
“Where the hell are we?”
“We are here Harry, just a few more yards”
The car revved, and then accelerated.
“Pack up all our cares and woes, here we go, here we go”

“Now the news headlines.
Police are currently examining the wreckage of a car containing the body of a single male found this morning at the foot of the cliffs two miles from Dover. A police statement said that items of women’s clothing found in the wrecked car are thought to be those of Janet Lindsey the last victim of the serial killer known as the Midnight Man. Further enquiries are taking place. And now to the rest of the news----

Anyone got a Tom Tom?:devil:

[Calidore]

I'm always up for a good Saab story.

[108 fountains]

Nice story! Had a great "Twilight Zone" feeling to it. The twist at the end gave a nice justification as to why this was all happening.
I confess I had to Google Tom Tom to find out the relevance. I like it!

"Saab story!" Ho, ho. Calidore, I wish you would visit the short story section more often. You've been gone for quite a while.

[Calidore]

"Saab story!" Ho, ho. Calidore, I wish you would visit the short story section more often. You've been gone for quite a while.

Thanks. My head's been full lately, so my posting in general is down, except for things I don't have to think about too hard.

[AuntShecky]

A taut tale, although I don't get the connection with a tom tom, which I assume refers to a type of drum.

Please try to remember to skip a space between paragraphs, including change of speakers.

And don't forget to proofread:


"Sorry. Did I startle you" A period after "sorry" and a question mark at the end.


“I’m your friend Harry, I show you the way”

Unless there is a comma between "friend" and "Harry," the sentence makes it appear that Harry is the speaker's name. Avoid the comma splice (run-on sentence) by replacing the comma with a period, as well as at the end. BTW, did you mean "I'll"?

"I'm your friend, Harry. I'll show you the way."

[Carousel]

TomTom - World's leading supplier of location and navigation products and services. Providing all drivers with the world's best navigation experience.

Thanks, but I'm not going to loose any sleep over missing a comma or two.

[AuntShecky]

Or "lose" any sleep. I realize it seems picayune, but I wanted to emphasize the importance of proofreading, especially if you might be thinking of submitting some of your material for publication.

[Carousel]

If any publisher risks his money publishing this piece he will get it proof read before it goes to press. That’s the norm; do you really think that all authors are punctuation perfect? I really don’t think so.

[Calidore]

If any publisher risks his money publishing this piece he will get it proof read before it goes to press. That’s the norm; do you really think that all authors are punctuation perfect? I really don’t think so.

Nobody can be perfect, but you want anything you submit to be as close as possible up front. Getting published is a lottery draw, like getting hired often is, and anything you can do to improve your chances should be done. Otherwise you risk losing out to the guy who was willing to make the effort.

[Pompey Bum]

Ah the ol' "Let's eat Mother, I'm hungry!" gaffe, eh? Somehow it never gets old. :)


Or "lose" any sleep. I realize it seems picayune, but I wanted to emphasize the importance of proofreading, especially if you might be thinking of submitting some of your material for publication.


Nobody can be perfect, but you want anything you submit to be as close as possible up front. Getting published is a lottery draw, like getting hired often is, and anything you can do to improve your chances should be done. Otherwise you risk losing out to the guy who was willing to make the effort.

I'd listen to them, Carousel. Any manuscript that makes that kind of punctuation error, or confuses "lose" with "loose" for that matter, is going to be chucked in the trash so fast that the ink will run. Instead of being snippy to Aunt Shecky, you ought to thank her for her kind (and free) help. Everyone makes mistakes--who cares? At least be mature enough to own up to them, smart enough to learn what to watch out for, and gracious enough to appreciate the people who teach you along the way. There's no reason for shame. We're supposed to be here for each other, right? :)

Now apologize to your Aunt Shecky and bring her back here for the group hug.

[MANICHAEAN]

You really are a lovable limey Pompey.

A voice of reason and conciliation.

Mind you, Aunty has always been able to fight her corner.

[Pompey Bum]

Mind you, Aunty has always been able to fight her corner.

I wouldn't wouldn't mess with her. :)

[Carousel]

Ah the ol' "Let's eat Mother, I'm hungry!" gaffe, eh? Somehow it never gets old. :)





I'd listen to them, Carousel. Any manuscript that makes that kind of punctuation error, or confuses "lose" with "loose" for that matter, is going to be chucked in the trash so fast that the ink will run. Instead of being snippy to Aunt Shecky, you ought to thank her for her kind (and free) help. Everyone makes mistakes--who cares? At least be mature enough to own up to them, smart enough to learn what to watch out for, and gracious enough to appreciate the people who teach you along the way. There's no reason for shame. We're supposed to be here for each other, right? :)

Now apologize to your Aunt Shecky and bring her back here for the group hug.


You want me to apologise to someone who thinks one of the worlds leading makers of a Sat Nav is a drum? Are you serious?

Proofreaders check written text before it is printed or published. Proofreading is a profession, I would think a pretty boring one but is doesn't pay badly.
If you or anyone wishes to spend their time pouring through my text hunting for mistakes and missing dots etc. for free, then be my guest and thank you very much for your labour.

If not, until the time when hopefully a piece of software comes on the market that will do the job for me I’ll continue do the best I can like 90% of all authors both amateur and professionals.

It’s also possible to write a piece with perfect grammar and punctuation that’s about as interesting to read as yesterdays shopping list, where do your priorities lay?

[Pompey Bum]

It’s also possible to write a piece with perfect grammar and punctuation that’s about as interesting to read as yesterdays shopping list, where do your priorities lay?

Heh heh. It's "lie," by the way. "Lay" is transitive. The very best of luck with your writing career in any case. :)

[Carousel]

Well done, you spotted the deliberate mistake, go to the top of the class.
What do you do for relaxation, read the small print in insurance policies? Oh joy.:willy_nilly::willy_nilly:

[Pompey Bum]

It’s also possible to write a piece with perfect grammar and punctuation that’s about as interesting to read as yesterdays shopping list, where do your priorities lay?


Heh heh. It's "lie," by the way. "Lay" is transitive. The very best of luck with your writing career in any case. :)


Well done, you spotted the deliberate mistake, go to the top of the class.
What do you do for relaxation, read the small print in insurance policies? Oh joy.:willy_nilly::willy_nilly:

Ah yes, of course, that would explain it. Oh by the way, "yesterdays shopping list" requires an apostrophe. ;-)

EDIT: I just read your story. Despite the punctuation errors, it's pretty good. You really should get over your shame and just learn from your mistakes (but maybe you're one of those who prefers things the hard way). Good luck with your stories, though, Carousel. I enjoyed this one. :)