If There's Anything Worse...

[Clopin]

Than a poetry slam, please don't tell me what it is.

[Poetaster]

I'm curious, what brought this on?

[Clopin]

Someone posted a few slam poetry videos on Facebook and it resulted in a flash of PTSD as I recalled actually attending one or two events when I lived in Victoria.

[Clopin]

Performance art that has anything to do with semen, feces or the vagina might actually be almost as bad however,

[Lykren]

Penises are okay then?

[Clopin]

Not really, I don't see them too often though so I didn't mention it.

[AuntShecky]

So is it the subject matter that repels you, or is it the form of the poetry slam itself?

[Clopin]

I mean amateur poetry is pretty unbearable in the first place. The subject matter, the gestures, the specific 'slam poetry' inflection is all just awful.

[YesNo]

I've been to a poetry event (slam?) held in a bar called "Weeds" a few times because a friend of mine sometimes recites his poetry there. It is pretty low key starting at 10 or so pm on Monday evenings and ending whenever there aren't any more poets who want to risk performing their poetry are done. I've never recited anything myself, but some of them that show up are entertaining.

[Pompey Bum]

As long as it isn't radical militant Slam, I've got nothing but respect.

[Clopin]

Nah it's distinct from a poetry recital. It involves gesticulation and everybody using the same obnoxious tone of voice and rehashing the same subject matter.

Edit: Also the majority of performers really stretch the definition of poetry . Is every speech poetry?

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=bo3KFUzyMUI

[YesNo]

Nah it's distinct from a poetry recital. It involves gesticulation and everybody using the same obnoxious tone of voice and rehashing the same subject matter.

Edit: Also the majority of performers really stretch the definition of poetry . Is every speech poetry?

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=bo3KFUzyMUI

That sounds like some of what I've heard at Weeds. Very political. Very aggrieved. It does sound like prose. My friend, by the way, rhymes a lot and understands meter, but he, too, has got a political motivation although I'm not sure what it is exactly. It is more fun to just be ticked off.

[Clopin]

I'll whip up a guide so you can perform next time without seeming out of place or committing a faux pas.

1. Be white. Like many 'progressive' liberal groups which purport to stand for things like racial equality, affirmative action, human rights and diversity, etc, nearly every person who writes slam poetry or participates in poetry slams will be white. Hopefully you are too, or you might look out of place.

2. Sound like you really care, there's a certain tone and style of inflection/cadence used by nearly every single performer which, accompanied with gesticulation, feigns earnest, deep, passionate (rehearsed) emotion; examplified in the video I posted above. Mastering this technique is very important.

3. Liberal talking points and buzzwords. Sloganeer about any common liberal talking point and wait for applause and howls of agreement from your audience which no doubt looks, sounds, thinks and breathes exactly like you do and who want to hear exactly (and only) want you're up there to tell them. By far the most common topics are rape, womens rights, race relations, gay rights, racism and the social justice movement in general.

4. Act really mad, bereaved, shrill etc. Don't worry that literally everyone in the room agrees with you, you're mad. You're mad about society , about how it's not as progressive as you and your friends, about how old white men in congress are in charge of womens bodies, about the patriarchy, about your oversteamed quinoa latte! And you're going to change the way people think about the world through your 'poem' or your 'performace piece' on non binary gender norms relating to post colonial cultural apropriation of that one lesbian tribe of Sherpas.

Follow these simple steps and you'll hit a home run at your local cafe poetry slam every.single.time.

[Poetaster]

I went to one once. It was boring, but killed a few hours with a few pints.

[YesNo]

I'll whip up a guide so you can perform next time without seeming out of place or committing a faux pas.

1. Be white. Like many 'progressive' liberal groups which purport to stand for things like racial equality, affirmative action, human rights and diversity, etc, nearly every person who writes slam poetry or participates in poetry slams will be white. Hopefully you are too, or you might look out of place.

Agreed. It is best to be white, but that might not work as well in some countries.

I have noticed a theme where poets from racially mixed backgrounds, where one parent was this and the other parent was that, can use this productively. In my case, if it were closer to WWII, I might have used my Czech background from my father's side and my German background from my mother's side to find a basis for complaining about something. I do remember my cousins saying how my mom married a bohemian gypsy, but I also remember thinking my environment might have been better than the typical inbreeding.

Given all the racial-national tensions in Europe, I'm surprised the Euro has lasted as long as it has.



2. Sound like you really care, there's a certain tone and style of inflection/cadence used by nearly every single performer which, accompanied with gesticulation, feigns earnest, deep, passionate (rehearsed) emotion; examplified in the video I posted above. Mastering this technique is very important.

Again, agreed. But it is a performance. And if the performance doesn't work, there is always the bar.



3. Liberal talking points and buzzwords. Sloganeer about any common liberal talking point and wait for applause and howls of agreement from your audience which no doubt looks, sounds, thinks and breathes exactly like you do and who want to hear exactly (and only) want you're up there to tell them. By far the most common topics are rape, womens rights, race relations, gay rights, racism and the social justice movement in general.

I've noticed the liberal political ideas as well. Some of the politics, however, I don't think fits any rational political agenda, left or right.



4. Act really mad, bereaved, shrill etc. Don't worry that literally everyone in the room agrees with you, you're mad. You're mad about society , about how it's not as progressive as you and your friends, about how old white men in congress are in charge of womens bodies, about the patriarchy, about your oversteamed quinoa latte! And you're going to change the way people think about the world through your 'poem' or your 'performace piece' on non binary gender norms relating to post colonial cultural apropriation of that one lesbian tribe of Sherpas.

Follow these simple steps and you'll hit a home run at your local cafe poetry slam every.single.time.

I had my first quinoa soup at Panera's a few weeks ago. I didn't know the stuff existed before. I'm still unsure how to pronounce it correctly.

[Sancho]

Keen-waah, I think. Anyway that's how the girl at the Panera by my house said it when I tried the soup. (She corrected me, I said kwin-oh-ahh.)

[Calidore]

Merriam-Webster has /ˈkēn-ˌwä, kē-ˈnō-ə/

[YesNo]

I think "quinoa" is going on my list of words like "gyro" and "pilates" that I'm going to forget how to pronounce. Since I don't do pilates (pie-lates), I won't be as bothered as when I go into a place serving Greek food.

[AuntShecky]

2. Sound like you really care, there's a certain tone and style of inflection/cadence used by nearly every single performer which, accompanied with gesticulation, feigns earnest, deep, passionate (rehearsed) emotion; examplified in the video I posted above. Mastering this technique is very important.


Act really mad, bereaved, shrill etc.

I concur on this point. Excruciating earnestness is the enemy of art. Look up what Stravinsky said about sincerity. And as far as "speaking for the downtrodden" is concerned, look up what Salman Rushdie said about the "behalfies."

And if a so-called poet's primary aim is echoing the beliefs of others, what's the point? Why not save his breath? The whole point of art is to take risks, propose alternatives to the status quo, stir things up, question not only authority, but everything.