A Little Bit Of Humour # 117

[Biggus]

DIETING TIP # 6

Foods and drinks used
For their medicinal qualities
Such as hot chocolate or brandy
Have no calorie’s

I WAS BEATEN UP BY A HULA HOOP

I was beaten up by a hula hoop
A round, bad-tempered fink
It was a totally unprovoked attack
It was a “vicious circle” I think

ALL THE RABBITS IN THE FIELD

All the Rabbits in the field
Backed away from Farmer Kline
This strange phenomenon
Is known as a receding hareline

IF THE MOUNTAINS OF THE WORLD

If the mountains of the world
Were to be put to the test
The most intelligent one
Would be mount cleverest

MIDDLE-AGED CONTRACEPTION

I have found that at my age
The best form of contraception
That works for me anyway
Is to leave the bedroom light on

BIRTHDAY RITUAL

When I have a birthday
I take the day off
When my wife has one
She takes a year off

HALF OF ALL MARRIAGES

Half of all marriages
Will end in divorce
Which just leaves the
Unhappy ones of course

IF BOTANIST’S WERE TO ACHIEVE SUCCESS

If botanist’s were to achieve success
A cross germination in which to exult
Between poison ivy and a four leaf clover
A rash of good luck would be the result

THE EYE TEST WENT ON FOR AN AGE

The eye test went on for an age
In fact it was something of an ordeal
“Your right eye isn’t right” he said
Well I can tell you that was surreal

BACK TO BACK DVD’S

My wife and I really enjoy
Watching DVD’s back to back
But only one of us can see
The screen which is a drawback

[YesNo]

The dieting tip should come in handy. It reminds me of vegetarians who think chicken isn't a meat. The ones containing "mount cleverest" and "receding hareline" are also pretty good as well as the one about divorce statistics.

[Biggus]

Thank you so much