Biggus
01-23-2015, 05:28 AM
DIETING TIP # 5
If you drink a diet coke
With a chocolate bar
They cancel each other
Out, so there you are
No calories count
For the chocolate bar
HERALDING ITS ARRIVAL
Heralding its arrival
A lone piper suitably bedecked
Leads the procession
To the hosts table unchecked
It’s delivered to the supper
With such deferential respect
Then addressed and served
Not to eat it shows disrespect
Well if I’ve eaten anything fouler
Then I truly cannot recollect
BACK FROM PORT OF SPAIN
I have just come back from
Trinidad’s Port of Spain
It was a once in a lifetime trip
I can only say, never again
I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH HEDGEHOGS
I have a problem with Hedgehogs
I know it’s a strange thing to allege
I just find it hard to understand
Why they can’t just share the hedge?
I USED TO START AN AWFUL LOT OF FIGHTS
I used to start an awful lot of fights
When I was at school, I was a bully
But I had attention deficit disorder
So I didn’t finish them thankfully
WAS ANDREW MITCHELL RIGHT?
Was Andrew Mitchell right?
Are policemen a bit plebby,
According to a survey
It would appear they enjoy Typhoo tea,
Because of the adverts
Most of them live in new-build semis
Furnished by DFS or IKEA
They watch The One Show
And think it’s the news
Their diet consists of Pot Noodles
Cook in sauces or instant mash
They shop from the catalogues
Their favourite comedian is Jim Davidson
Entertainment is a 60-inch telly
Mr Policeman drinks Heineken
While his partner favours Lambrini
And Despite the Andrew Mitchell libel case
They will still vote Conservative
Because they think Mitchel’s a Tory
And they don’t realise it’s the same thing
IF SCIENTIST’S WERE EVER TO ACHIEVE SUCCESS
If scientist’s were ever to achieve success
In a cross breeding in which they would exult
Between a rabbit’s foot and a four leaf clover
Until a rash of good luck would be the result
FOGHORN LEGHORN THE COCKEREL
Foghorn Leghorn the Cockerel
Is happy to be the farmyard hick
Not through a lack of ambition
But he’s never short of a hot chick
THE REASON THEY PIPE IN THE HAGGIS
The reason they pipe in the haggis
Without any fluster or hurry
Is to warn the discerning diner
So they can go and get a curry
MY NEW NEXT DOOR NEIGHBOUR
My new next door neighbour,
It turns out, is a really pretentious twat
He has travelled quite a lot
So his house is named Bindair Dundat.
If you drink a diet coke
With a chocolate bar
They cancel each other
Out, so there you are
No calories count
For the chocolate bar
HERALDING ITS ARRIVAL
Heralding its arrival
A lone piper suitably bedecked
Leads the procession
To the hosts table unchecked
It’s delivered to the supper
With such deferential respect
Then addressed and served
Not to eat it shows disrespect
Well if I’ve eaten anything fouler
Then I truly cannot recollect
BACK FROM PORT OF SPAIN
I have just come back from
Trinidad’s Port of Spain
It was a once in a lifetime trip
I can only say, never again
I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH HEDGEHOGS
I have a problem with Hedgehogs
I know it’s a strange thing to allege
I just find it hard to understand
Why they can’t just share the hedge?
I USED TO START AN AWFUL LOT OF FIGHTS
I used to start an awful lot of fights
When I was at school, I was a bully
But I had attention deficit disorder
So I didn’t finish them thankfully
WAS ANDREW MITCHELL RIGHT?
Was Andrew Mitchell right?
Are policemen a bit plebby,
According to a survey
It would appear they enjoy Typhoo tea,
Because of the adverts
Most of them live in new-build semis
Furnished by DFS or IKEA
They watch The One Show
And think it’s the news
Their diet consists of Pot Noodles
Cook in sauces or instant mash
They shop from the catalogues
Their favourite comedian is Jim Davidson
Entertainment is a 60-inch telly
Mr Policeman drinks Heineken
While his partner favours Lambrini
And Despite the Andrew Mitchell libel case
They will still vote Conservative
Because they think Mitchel’s a Tory
And they don’t realise it’s the same thing
IF SCIENTIST’S WERE EVER TO ACHIEVE SUCCESS
If scientist’s were ever to achieve success
In a cross breeding in which they would exult
Between a rabbit’s foot and a four leaf clover
Until a rash of good luck would be the result
FOGHORN LEGHORN THE COCKEREL
Foghorn Leghorn the Cockerel
Is happy to be the farmyard hick
Not through a lack of ambition
But he’s never short of a hot chick
THE REASON THEY PIPE IN THE HAGGIS
The reason they pipe in the haggis
Without any fluster or hurry
Is to warn the discerning diner
So they can go and get a curry
MY NEW NEXT DOOR NEIGHBOUR
My new next door neighbour,
It turns out, is a really pretentious twat
He has travelled quite a lot
So his house is named Bindair Dundat.