Need help with understanding BramStoker

[SmellCatSPB]

Hi to everyone !
I kindly ask for your help .
To improve my english i try to read
and translate some old stories . Now
i' m stuck with Bram Stoker ' s " The
slim syrens". His language is
sometimes too complicated for me .
So there are some blank spots all
over the text .

I don't know if I am allowed to post a link but the story can be easily googled and
read online. It is really short!

So could you explain several
phrases in a simple manner ?
1) And as to their chestys - why ,
you might ' ave put ' em through the
mangle and none ever the wuss -
except the mangle from jerkiness,
where it might ' ave well expected to
take it a bit india- rubbery
what does india- rubbery mean ?
what would happen to the mangle if
you put ladies chestys through it ?
2) Any ' ow , when they ' ad run the
fust companies twice round the
Greats
what is round the Greats ?
3) They used to say in the wardrobe
as ' ow there was a twenty- stun
standard , and no one would be
engyged that couldn' t pass
the butcher .
am i right supposing stun - stone ?
what is the butcher part about then?
4) They was wove that bias . \ ' ow
we was to take up ladders in ' em
About tights . What is wrong with
them?

Well i still have enormous amount of
questions, but that would be enough
for the first time .

Thanks a lot to everyone, who will
answer and help me !

[Pompey Bum]

Hello SmellCat and welcome to the site. We usually don't do homework for others, but your user name is so intriguing that I'm willing to push you a little in the right direction. Some Britons are reputed to have problems pronouncing the letter H, so when the Irish Stoker says things like "'ave" and "'ow" he is trying to show the way such characters would have said the words "have" and "how." Also, many English speakers shorten the word "them" to "'em" in very informal speech. I hope that helps.

Now, fair's fair. Tell me why you call yourself "SmellCat." (And welcome again to the site).