Biggus
01-16-2015, 09:34 AM
DIETING TIP # 4
When you eat with someone else
Anything consumed off their plate
Is calorie free, because they will
Cling to the other person’s plate
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 334
Old Father Goose,
Had hands that would wander
But when he couldn’t goose
He had to settle for a gander
ARE YOU WEARING SPANX AGAIN?
Are you wearing spanx again?
But they cause you so much pain
When they’re on you look smart
But they restrict your ability to fart
MY GRANDDADS GREATEST PLEASURE
My granddads greatest pleasure
Was his allotment
So in his will he instructed
His son Peter
To sprinkle his ashes
Over the beloved plot
Lightly forking them in
At one ounce per square metre
MY BROTHER HAS A WANDERING EYE
My brother has a wandering eye
He’s been that way since birth
Not surprisingly I suppose
He now lives in Letchworth
I WAS VITAL AND VIGOROUS
When I was young
I was vital and vigorous
But I was a stickler for rules
Strict and rigorous
But life passes in a flash
Life’s moments are the shortest
Because you go from
Rigorous to rigamortis
SHE THOUGHT I WAS THE ONE
When I married my wife
She thought I was the one
Now she thinks, on a scale
Of one to ten, I am a one
I WAS RAISED AS AN ONLY CHILD
I was raised as an only child
By my father and mother
Which really pissed off
My sister and my brother
SOME YOUNGSTERS ARE BREAKING INTO CARS
Some youngsters are breaking into cars,
They are proper little devils,
They do it in multi-story car parks
And that’s wrong on so many levels
MY OPTICIAN HAS A GIFT FOR STATING THE OBVIOUS
My optician has a gift for stating the obvious
Either that or he’s not very bright
After the eye test he declared forthrightly
“Mr Hooper your left eye isn’t right”
When you eat with someone else
Anything consumed off their plate
Is calorie free, because they will
Cling to the other person’s plate
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 334
Old Father Goose,
Had hands that would wander
But when he couldn’t goose
He had to settle for a gander
ARE YOU WEARING SPANX AGAIN?
Are you wearing spanx again?
But they cause you so much pain
When they’re on you look smart
But they restrict your ability to fart
MY GRANDDADS GREATEST PLEASURE
My granddads greatest pleasure
Was his allotment
So in his will he instructed
His son Peter
To sprinkle his ashes
Over the beloved plot
Lightly forking them in
At one ounce per square metre
MY BROTHER HAS A WANDERING EYE
My brother has a wandering eye
He’s been that way since birth
Not surprisingly I suppose
He now lives in Letchworth
I WAS VITAL AND VIGOROUS
When I was young
I was vital and vigorous
But I was a stickler for rules
Strict and rigorous
But life passes in a flash
Life’s moments are the shortest
Because you go from
Rigorous to rigamortis
SHE THOUGHT I WAS THE ONE
When I married my wife
She thought I was the one
Now she thinks, on a scale
Of one to ten, I am a one
I WAS RAISED AS AN ONLY CHILD
I was raised as an only child
By my father and mother
Which really pissed off
My sister and my brother
SOME YOUNGSTERS ARE BREAKING INTO CARS
Some youngsters are breaking into cars,
They are proper little devils,
They do it in multi-story car parks
And that’s wrong on so many levels
MY OPTICIAN HAS A GIFT FOR STATING THE OBVIOUS
My optician has a gift for stating the obvious
Either that or he’s not very bright
After the eye test he declared forthrightly
“Mr Hooper your left eye isn’t right”