Devastatah
12-17-2014, 07:24 AM
A little story for a school assignment that was never finished. I actually got a little bit farther than this, I described his experience leaving his apartment and into his car, but it's cut off because this is the draft version. I do not have the "final" incomplete version anymore but I can remake that short scene if any of you want it that badly. I also got an A+ for this one, regardless of me stopping in mid sentence in the "final" version as well. :biggrin5:
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"The conflict has not yet been resolved, but the efforts from BaltaTek industries has saved the lives of many U.S troops. More updates will be brought to you, this has been Shelly. Back to you."
I flipped the TV off as the bleached headed model warped back into the news studio. I looked down at my Scotch as the dim lighted room began to flicker from the essence of my fireplace's glow. I slowly gave my glass a light shake, the ice cold cubes were already beginning to merge with the Scotch.
I stood up as I began to finish off the last of it, I then felt a light but fierce tremble in my pocket.
I let out a deep sigh as I walked toward the thick fluorescent window overseeing New York. I pressed my hand against the windows cold surface, my breathe began to envelope a small white cloud. I could see times square, the oversized monitor had a picture of me on it- along with BaltaTek industries. The buzzing began to slow down as I walked toward my sidebar to the right of the window. I reached for a bottle of Scotch as I set down my empty glass. I held the bottle close to my face, embedding my forehead into the very tip. It was ice cold, just the way I liked it. My phone began to let out a deep quake again. I really don't want to talk, but I know its important.
I grabbed several small slabs of ice from the ice tray and threw them into my glass. I then uncorked the Scotch and poured myself a generous amount.
I then reached toward my pocket as I took my new Scotch back toward the window. I withdrew my phone as I took a sip.
"Hello?" I asked.
"Well well, don't sound so upset cupcake. You're a star after all- complete with a cherry. Everything will be fine, just like I said," he replied. His slow mellow voice made my back twitch. He always pronounced every syllable precisely.
"I never doubted you," I said as I stared at Times Square. "I'm not sure this is for me. I'm done, this is it," I announced.
"Not so fast," he chuckled. "We'll meet up in your office, I know you wouldn't miss it for the world cupcake," I then heard a click and the line went dead.
I took one big gulp of my Scotch and dropped my phone into my pocket. I don't know why i still drink this, its fierce warmth has hardly any effect now.
"Because you aren't doing what you wish," I jumped as a voice echoed behind me. I quickly turned around to see a man in black robes. How long was he..?
"I've heard enough," his calm voice replied. It was like he was reading my mind.
He slowly walked forward around the chair I was once sitting on. His face still blackened by the dim light.
"You know what's right, why fight it? God will help you. Just let him in," the monk announced.
"Bishop, I've tried. You don't know what its like, he has-"
He raised his hand toward me.
"Stop it. The more you cower yourself, the deeper your punishment will be. Just know that," he threatened. He then turned around and began to leave.
I looked down at my free hand. What have I done? All those lives... I'm no hero.
"Let him..." I stopped as the bishop had already left. Without a sound.
"Guide me..." I whispered.
Maybe i can still catch him this time. I quickly walked toward my sidebar and set down my Scotch. I then headed toward the door and slipped on my Oxford's. I then grabbed my brown trench coat along with my keys. I opened the door, I stared down the narrow hallway. No one. I slowly stepped out.
I could hear faint cheering echoing from outside. Even on the top floor, they seemed so happy. Of what? A killer?
I leaned back inside and grabbed my black fedora. I don't think I can handle anyone seeing me. I flipped the lock on the door and headed toward the elevator. The smooth carpet absorbed my every footstep, each door I passed was like a new life going on inside. One had cheering, one was quiet, one had music pouring out of it, one had people screaming, one had a baby crying, and one had people moaning. All these lives; to think they can just be taken away in a snap.
I got to the elevator and pressed the first floor. As I waited, I heard a door open behind me. I peered over my shoulder to see.
It was the one with the baby crying, it was a woman and a man. The man was standing outside while the lady was inside holding the now quiet baby. He seemed to be leaving, he was dressed up in a suit while carrying a suit case. He was heading for work.
"I know its late but I'll be back safely don't worry," the man said as he kissed her forehead.
"I know... But with all the crime going on at this hour, you can only understand," she replied.
The man smiled and gave the baby a kiss on the forehead.
"I'll be fine," he then began to walk toward me.
The elevator door opened, it was filled with slow grinding music. I walked in swiftly.
I looked at the family man heading towards me, behind him, I saw the bishop waving a small yellow cross in my doorway.
I quickly leaned over and mashed the 'close door' button option on the elevators panel.
"Oh, hey hold that for me!" The man shouted as he began to walk faster.
I ignored his request as the doors shut tight; the man’s smile was replaced with a worried frown. The bishop seemed to have left as well. The elevator began to descend rapidly while the classical music submerged me. That man looked so happy; without a worry in the world. Living a small life like that. It seems so cozy.
I clenched my golden cross hidden beneath my shirt. My chest began to feel heavy. Waving a cross like that... What have I done?
----End.
Thoughts? This is the first time I've touched this story ever since. My goal was to describe my characters thought process and what he see's from his eyes in 1st person. Third person is unique, but I personally want a more "you felt like you were there" writing experience.
-------------------------
"The conflict has not yet been resolved, but the efforts from BaltaTek industries has saved the lives of many U.S troops. More updates will be brought to you, this has been Shelly. Back to you."
I flipped the TV off as the bleached headed model warped back into the news studio. I looked down at my Scotch as the dim lighted room began to flicker from the essence of my fireplace's glow. I slowly gave my glass a light shake, the ice cold cubes were already beginning to merge with the Scotch.
I stood up as I began to finish off the last of it, I then felt a light but fierce tremble in my pocket.
I let out a deep sigh as I walked toward the thick fluorescent window overseeing New York. I pressed my hand against the windows cold surface, my breathe began to envelope a small white cloud. I could see times square, the oversized monitor had a picture of me on it- along with BaltaTek industries. The buzzing began to slow down as I walked toward my sidebar to the right of the window. I reached for a bottle of Scotch as I set down my empty glass. I held the bottle close to my face, embedding my forehead into the very tip. It was ice cold, just the way I liked it. My phone began to let out a deep quake again. I really don't want to talk, but I know its important.
I grabbed several small slabs of ice from the ice tray and threw them into my glass. I then uncorked the Scotch and poured myself a generous amount.
I then reached toward my pocket as I took my new Scotch back toward the window. I withdrew my phone as I took a sip.
"Hello?" I asked.
"Well well, don't sound so upset cupcake. You're a star after all- complete with a cherry. Everything will be fine, just like I said," he replied. His slow mellow voice made my back twitch. He always pronounced every syllable precisely.
"I never doubted you," I said as I stared at Times Square. "I'm not sure this is for me. I'm done, this is it," I announced.
"Not so fast," he chuckled. "We'll meet up in your office, I know you wouldn't miss it for the world cupcake," I then heard a click and the line went dead.
I took one big gulp of my Scotch and dropped my phone into my pocket. I don't know why i still drink this, its fierce warmth has hardly any effect now.
"Because you aren't doing what you wish," I jumped as a voice echoed behind me. I quickly turned around to see a man in black robes. How long was he..?
"I've heard enough," his calm voice replied. It was like he was reading my mind.
He slowly walked forward around the chair I was once sitting on. His face still blackened by the dim light.
"You know what's right, why fight it? God will help you. Just let him in," the monk announced.
"Bishop, I've tried. You don't know what its like, he has-"
He raised his hand toward me.
"Stop it. The more you cower yourself, the deeper your punishment will be. Just know that," he threatened. He then turned around and began to leave.
I looked down at my free hand. What have I done? All those lives... I'm no hero.
"Let him..." I stopped as the bishop had already left. Without a sound.
"Guide me..." I whispered.
Maybe i can still catch him this time. I quickly walked toward my sidebar and set down my Scotch. I then headed toward the door and slipped on my Oxford's. I then grabbed my brown trench coat along with my keys. I opened the door, I stared down the narrow hallway. No one. I slowly stepped out.
I could hear faint cheering echoing from outside. Even on the top floor, they seemed so happy. Of what? A killer?
I leaned back inside and grabbed my black fedora. I don't think I can handle anyone seeing me. I flipped the lock on the door and headed toward the elevator. The smooth carpet absorbed my every footstep, each door I passed was like a new life going on inside. One had cheering, one was quiet, one had music pouring out of it, one had people screaming, one had a baby crying, and one had people moaning. All these lives; to think they can just be taken away in a snap.
I got to the elevator and pressed the first floor. As I waited, I heard a door open behind me. I peered over my shoulder to see.
It was the one with the baby crying, it was a woman and a man. The man was standing outside while the lady was inside holding the now quiet baby. He seemed to be leaving, he was dressed up in a suit while carrying a suit case. He was heading for work.
"I know its late but I'll be back safely don't worry," the man said as he kissed her forehead.
"I know... But with all the crime going on at this hour, you can only understand," she replied.
The man smiled and gave the baby a kiss on the forehead.
"I'll be fine," he then began to walk toward me.
The elevator door opened, it was filled with slow grinding music. I walked in swiftly.
I looked at the family man heading towards me, behind him, I saw the bishop waving a small yellow cross in my doorway.
I quickly leaned over and mashed the 'close door' button option on the elevators panel.
"Oh, hey hold that for me!" The man shouted as he began to walk faster.
I ignored his request as the doors shut tight; the man’s smile was replaced with a worried frown. The bishop seemed to have left as well. The elevator began to descend rapidly while the classical music submerged me. That man looked so happy; without a worry in the world. Living a small life like that. It seems so cozy.
I clenched my golden cross hidden beneath my shirt. My chest began to feel heavy. Waving a cross like that... What have I done?
----End.
Thoughts? This is the first time I've touched this story ever since. My goal was to describe my characters thought process and what he see's from his eyes in 1st person. Third person is unique, but I personally want a more "you felt like you were there" writing experience.