The Dog Walker

[Carousel]

The Dog Walker

An old man and his dog
Age in tandem
Not worth a second glance, hurry past
Just a dog, nothing to write home about
A leg on four corners, a shaggy coat
Just a dog

Look a little closer
Commitment tied by a braid of leather
Not love, he would frown at the word
The dog measures his step
To his masters faltering gait
Gentle on the leash

A kind morning
June, heavy with honeysuckle
Summer or the salt winds of winter
It matters little
The twice daily duty must be performed
I smile as they turn the corner

[DATo]

Very nice. I experienced a flashback of The Little Lame Balloon Man by E.E. Cummings as I was reading this.

Enjoyable. I wish all poetry was this accessible.

[Earnest Eremite]

Nicely written the flow felt perfect.

[blank|verse]

I was intrigued by the subject of the poem, Carousel, but feel there's more to say here.

For me, the second stanza is the strongest - if I'm honest, I would suggest cutting the first stanza and the first line of the second stanza altogether. This would be no great loss to the poem as it would remove two clichés - 'not worth a second glance' and 'nothing to write home about' - both of which raise the question of why you are telling us about such an unremarkable character in the first place. The phrase 'age in tandem' is worth keeping though.

I enjoyed the questioning of their relationship and the attempts to define it (commitment? love?) but I'm not sure of the phrase 'he would frown at the word' - how do you know as the narrator doesn't know the character? I feel you're on the right tracks though, so perhaps that just needs rephrasing.

The third stanza slackens the poem - you'd started getting somewhere in the second stanza (that's where the poetry lies I would suggest) only to pan out from a close-up to some time-spanning generalisations. And the last line is weak and, if I'm honest, rather trite.

In terms of form, I'm also not sure why you've decided to centre the poem in the middle of the page; it seems an arbitrary decision, rather than one based on a sound reason to enhance the poem.

I find your use of punctuation distracting as well, particularly in the lines quoted below. I think you're using line-breaks to act as full-stops (like after 'leather', which reads oddly as it stands) but then use commas as well. As the tone of the poem is quite conversational, I would suggest using standard punctuation. Either way 'masters' needs an apostrophe:

Commitment tied by a braid of leather
Not love, he would frown at the word
The dog measures his step
To his masters faltering gait

I wonder if you've read any poetry by Billy Collins. He's an expert at taking the quotidian and making it magical, in a very accessible style.

[Lykren]

This was strong. A little sentimental for my taste, as well as slightly self-consciously ambiguous, but all in all confidently put together.