Uncle Peter

[Delta40]

Tho’ foretime
I was piggy-backed
To the Mucky Duck
Ere sullen sunsets
An’ ailing ales
Cast him to the ground,
Now the morrow is come
And The Air That I Breathe
Doth drift across the age
Speedily

[Hawkman]

The archaic language is quirky and creates a slight sense of self-deprecating mockery. There is a slight confusion of personal pronouns though. I and him. "Tho' foretime / he piggy-back'd me" would sort this, but somehow it doesn't read as well.

"speedily?" drifting and speed don't sit well together. Maybe "flow," and I feel you need another syllable in the last line. "right speedily" perhaps.

Just a thought.

Live and be well - H

[Delta40]

Thanks Hawk