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MorningForger
10-27-2014, 02:17 PM
I went walking on through the woods during the rain
The whispers of the pines were swirling around me
They said, “Go on and masquerade with us in vain”
I wore façade and felt the moss, but could not see

In fragile, windswept memory I dwelt with her
We waltzed beneath the willows and she softly sang
Her lips desired passion that nostalgia blurred
I danced her through the scene with touches, moans, and pangs

Pallor came upon her as if moonlight filled her veins
Pianos cracked their lonely notes, I upon my knees
Her form became of trees and a wind so frigid came
I blamed the gods who played the tunes to which we seized

And on I walked through quiet cold that chilled the leaves
The time that passed I could not know ‘til passed was grief

© AM Smith March 18, 2014

Carousel
10-28-2014, 08:11 AM
I think you have most of what you intended with this but your word choices struggle a little which are caused with trying to fit within the rhyme. If you know the rhyme doesn’t fit exactly to the line or the line looses the meaning to fit the rhyme it’s a sure bet the readers will know.
Take a little more time to nail the rhyme and the poem will really come to life.

Some poetry Mags. refuse now to accept poems in rhyme, saying their old tat now. Really?
Well I know from experience that to rhyme well takes a heck of lot more work than writing in free verse.