Bjornnesss
10-25-2014, 05:55 PM
I want legit feedback from other people on this short story that I made.
Although it was warned, nobody expected it. The White Plague, the plague that internally tortured and eventually killed over 80 percent of the worlds population over a time span of two months. The only survivors live on an island eighteen miles away from the mainland. The luscious, mountainous , evergreen-filled haven is the only inhabitable place left on Earth (or so we know). Even now as I speak, the unlucky beings on the desolate mainland are dying off one by one. Sometimes I sit down by the old oak tree near the shore of the island and grief about all the lives lost, the famine, the torture, the pain that everybody experienced during the plague. Although, I cannot dawn on the past forever, as there is much to be done in order to secure our lives on this island.
At three o’clock in the morning, I was awaken by John, one of my best pals. He told me that I must go to the Town Hall as soon as possible, I knew something was terrible wrong because, even though John was a good friend of mine, he barely ever spoke. I quickly got out of my cot and put on my only pair of jeans, which were ratty and dirty, I then quickly put on muddy muscle shirt. As I was about to walk out, I found a bees nest located in the top corner of my wooden hut. I knew I couldn’t deal with it now, so I left, trying not to dawn on it as there was clearly a more serious issue that confronted our island. When I got to the Town hall, which is the biggest hut in the island, almost everybody from the island was in a circle surrounding surrounding something. As I weaved my way through the awe struked crowd, I finally saw what they were looking at, it has Danny, he was dead. I gasped when I saw a huge, bloody gash on his head. I wanted to know what had happened to him, but everybody seemed to question the same thing. Eventually the chaos was subsided by the village elder Elaine when she slowly came out of the Town Hall. Everybody respected our elders, as they are the wisest and smartest of them all. “Please calm down, fussing over Danny’s death will solve nothing. If we are to solve the problem, we must work together in a calmly fashion” exclaimed Elaine. The whole crowd was now dead silent as they listened to what Elaine had to say.
As I went back to my hut for the night, everybody was still discussing what had happened to Danny. I myself was curious too, but when I got back to my hut, my curiosity was broken by a bee sting to the leg. I jumped out of my hut, screaming in pain, I knew this was not some ordinary bee sting. I then fell to the ground, writhing in pain. My neighbors scrambled toward me and tried to help me, but it was too late. In a matter of seconds, my leg leg felt like nothing. “He lost circulation!” panicked one of my neighbors as he tried to give me water. A second later, I completely fell unconscious and everything else after that incident was a blur.
Although it was warned, nobody expected it. The White Plague, the plague that internally tortured and eventually killed over 80 percent of the worlds population over a time span of two months. The only survivors live on an island eighteen miles away from the mainland. The luscious, mountainous , evergreen-filled haven is the only inhabitable place left on Earth (or so we know). Even now as I speak, the unlucky beings on the desolate mainland are dying off one by one. Sometimes I sit down by the old oak tree near the shore of the island and grief about all the lives lost, the famine, the torture, the pain that everybody experienced during the plague. Although, I cannot dawn on the past forever, as there is much to be done in order to secure our lives on this island.
At three o’clock in the morning, I was awaken by John, one of my best pals. He told me that I must go to the Town Hall as soon as possible, I knew something was terrible wrong because, even though John was a good friend of mine, he barely ever spoke. I quickly got out of my cot and put on my only pair of jeans, which were ratty and dirty, I then quickly put on muddy muscle shirt. As I was about to walk out, I found a bees nest located in the top corner of my wooden hut. I knew I couldn’t deal with it now, so I left, trying not to dawn on it as there was clearly a more serious issue that confronted our island. When I got to the Town hall, which is the biggest hut in the island, almost everybody from the island was in a circle surrounding surrounding something. As I weaved my way through the awe struked crowd, I finally saw what they were looking at, it has Danny, he was dead. I gasped when I saw a huge, bloody gash on his head. I wanted to know what had happened to him, but everybody seemed to question the same thing. Eventually the chaos was subsided by the village elder Elaine when she slowly came out of the Town Hall. Everybody respected our elders, as they are the wisest and smartest of them all. “Please calm down, fussing over Danny’s death will solve nothing. If we are to solve the problem, we must work together in a calmly fashion” exclaimed Elaine. The whole crowd was now dead silent as they listened to what Elaine had to say.
As I went back to my hut for the night, everybody was still discussing what had happened to Danny. I myself was curious too, but when I got back to my hut, my curiosity was broken by a bee sting to the leg. I jumped out of my hut, screaming in pain, I knew this was not some ordinary bee sting. I then fell to the ground, writhing in pain. My neighbors scrambled toward me and tried to help me, but it was too late. In a matter of seconds, my leg leg felt like nothing. “He lost circulation!” panicked one of my neighbors as he tried to give me water. A second later, I completely fell unconscious and everything else after that incident was a blur.