3 Girls in Red

[Manninu88]

The composition of ‘third girl’, positioned in the corner of the artist’s least favourable studio was incomplete compared to the artists other two creations, ‘first girl’ and quite consecutively, ‘second girl’. The artist knew this would be a challenge when the imagined idea of ‘3 girls in red’ sprung to mind in the late hours of a warm and sticky summers night – For ‘third girl’ had to be constructed in a dark, unideal, and loathsome room to procure the desired effect, and that chamber was the cursed studio which always produced dreck works of art.

Being a relatively simple configuration in the form of a tall, slender and talented young model, it was an easy decision for ‘First girl’ to begin her existence in the loft conversion where numerous velux windows gifted the room with natural light, enabling the artist to create an impressionistic sentiment concerning the hardships of a life in front of the camera.

The rumpus mistrust strained throughout the troubled mind of a teenage prostitute with ‘second girl’, sought its inauguration from within the complexities of the artists main studio, which was a melee of half broken manikins and discarded canvasses, but also a room which embodied an air of inner city life, given the availability to look across London’s skyline through an open window.

‘Third girl’ was deficient in so many ways that the artist had almost given up any thought of a finished product, yet alone the entire assembly of ‘3 girls in red’. The cursed studio of this particular artist, had once again won the battle of wits when trying to overcome the challenging prospect of creating a young black girl shot dead in the middle of a suburban street, which in effect, had turned her once spotless white dress into a blood soaked figure of death. The thought alone sent the artist into a frenzy of disparity, as the old master sat upon a wooden stool whilst peering into a blank canvass of ill-fated abyss.

[Carousel]

I got thoroughly confused reading this please, take he girls one by one though if this constitutes a story is somewhat debatable.

[Manninu88]

Thanks for your feedback. Can i ask what you found thoroughly confusing? And did you find it in anyway engaging? Thank you.

[Delta40]

I don't see how in it's current form it is a story. Firstly the reader is unable to connect with the artist in any real way. It is lacking in detail in that regard apart from the challenge of trying to produce a piece of work which is rather obscure. This could be your story if you cared to take the time, create the character of the artist for the benefit of the reader and showed the challenge he faced with each girl character and the various settings. You have the opportunity to travel the depths of the abyss you mention in the telling of this overview. I imagine it would take some work and thought when attempting to create the artists own creative trials and tribulations but I understand that is what you are trying to do.

Good luck

[108 fountains]

Proving yet again how we all have different tastes and look at the same thing in different ways, I thoroughly enjoyed the story, which as Delta40 mentioned is probably more of a vignette than a story. It was a unique touch, I thought, that the artist needed to do his work from a different location depending on the subject matter of his painting, and I found it ironic that he purposely chose an unfavored studio to create "The Third Girl," precisely because he wanted the "dark, loathsome" atmosphere, but that in the end it was precisely the atmosphere of the room that prevented him from completing his work. I also really just liked the artist's concept of the "Three Girls" - comparing and contrasting the life story of three very dissimilar girls through their portraits.

One thing that might have led to some confusion is that you describe the composition of "Third Girl" as "incomplete" in the first sentence of the story and "deficient" in the beginning of the last paragraph, but at the end the artist is staring at a "blank" canvas - it's a minor point, but I had the impression until the end, that the artist had at least begun work on "The Third Girl" but was dissatisfied with it.

One last observation on diction - you have the artist in "a frenzy of disparity" when I'm sure you mean to say he was in "a frenzy of despair" - important to correct this since it is key to the story. Also, you use the word "gift" as a verb, which doesn't work (although many writers make this mistake) - "afforded" or "provided" would work better here. On the other hand, you use the word "rumpus" as an adjective, which it is not, but it seems to work - "rumpus mistrust" - it works for me anyway, I like it. And "dreck" is not a word - at least I didn't find it in my dictionary - but it also works for me here; it somehow conveys through its sound exactly what you mean. I generally don't like made-up words, but in this case I concluded, "Well, if 'dreck' is not a word, then it ought to be."

Oh, and one other thing - better to spell out the word "Three," rather than use the number 3, in the title and also when you refer to it in the body of the story.

Overall, I really liked this short piece.