Biggus
10-17-2014, 08:53 AM
ARE THESE KNICKERS SATIN?
A woman asked “Are these knickers satin?”
To an assistant who was chattin
She replied loudly for the whole shop to view
“No of course not, they’re new”
IF I ASK YOU WHAT IS WRONG
If I ask you what is wrong
And you reply “nothing’s wrong”
I will act as if nothing’s wrong
Even though I know you are lying
I will not continue prying
It’s just not worth the hassle trying
IF YOU ASK A QUESTION
If you ask a question, you
Don’t want an answer to,
Then to be perfectly clear
Expect an answer you don't want to hear
IF SOMETHING I SAID, CAN BE
If something I said, can be
Interpreted two ways, and one
Of the ways makes you sad or angry,
I meant the other one
I HAVE A VERY POLITE DOCTOR
I have a very polite doctor,
Nice to the point of folly
He won’t tell me I’m obese
He says I’m morbidly jolly
WHEN THE WINE BOX IS EMPTY
When the wine box is empty
I am one of the thorough types
I rip open the cardboard
To reveal the Pinots tripe’s
And squeeze it dry as I play
The alcoholics bagpipes
I LIVE IN A SMALL WINDMILL
I live in a small windmill
I’ve never lived in one before
It’s in a little seaside town
On the promenade by the shore
It’s nice, apart from the golf balls
That keep coming thru the door
WE HAVE A NEW MARKET IN TOWN
We have a new market in town
And they do Korean street food
One customer ordered poodle noodles
Which I thought was quite rude
THERE WOULD BE MORE RESERVES
There would be more reserves
Remaining in the North Sea
If the Scots didn’t have
Such a deep frying tendency
WHEN I SAW MR MESSI PLAY
When I saw Mr Messi play
I was disappointed I must say
I had to take a second look
But he was nothing like in the book
A woman asked “Are these knickers satin?”
To an assistant who was chattin
She replied loudly for the whole shop to view
“No of course not, they’re new”
IF I ASK YOU WHAT IS WRONG
If I ask you what is wrong
And you reply “nothing’s wrong”
I will act as if nothing’s wrong
Even though I know you are lying
I will not continue prying
It’s just not worth the hassle trying
IF YOU ASK A QUESTION
If you ask a question, you
Don’t want an answer to,
Then to be perfectly clear
Expect an answer you don't want to hear
IF SOMETHING I SAID, CAN BE
If something I said, can be
Interpreted two ways, and one
Of the ways makes you sad or angry,
I meant the other one
I HAVE A VERY POLITE DOCTOR
I have a very polite doctor,
Nice to the point of folly
He won’t tell me I’m obese
He says I’m morbidly jolly
WHEN THE WINE BOX IS EMPTY
When the wine box is empty
I am one of the thorough types
I rip open the cardboard
To reveal the Pinots tripe’s
And squeeze it dry as I play
The alcoholics bagpipes
I LIVE IN A SMALL WINDMILL
I live in a small windmill
I’ve never lived in one before
It’s in a little seaside town
On the promenade by the shore
It’s nice, apart from the golf balls
That keep coming thru the door
WE HAVE A NEW MARKET IN TOWN
We have a new market in town
And they do Korean street food
One customer ordered poodle noodles
Which I thought was quite rude
THERE WOULD BE MORE RESERVES
There would be more reserves
Remaining in the North Sea
If the Scots didn’t have
Such a deep frying tendency
WHEN I SAW MR MESSI PLAY
When I saw Mr Messi play
I was disappointed I must say
I had to take a second look
But he was nothing like in the book