Honey

[Jerrybaldy]

She was dripping in honey
Golden globules
From blood scabbed knees
From the hem
Of her poppy populated dress.
The bees were a buzzing
About her golden tears.
Sweetness flowed from her shoulders
Down to the cheeks
Of her peach
Her toes tapped a whispered tune
In the puddle at her feet.
Turned out
It was out of date
Like a sugar mouse with maggots.
A beige rainbow
An orgasm
That never found its way
A simile of something
Like awful
But I remember the honey
It pooled about her feet
And I believed
That life itself was sweet.

[Haunted]

RIP. This is an exceptional piece, Jer. You deal with these difficult subjects like no one else.

[Hawkman]

This poem only has one tiny flaw and its in your word choice of clinging in L2. Clinging doesn't go with from. Things (or people) "cling to" something or someone; "hanging" might be better here, or just possibly, "depending".

Apart from that, I'm more than impressed by this poem. The 'poppy populated dress" is one of my particular favourites, but it's all good. "Sweetness flowed from her shoulders" is so evocative, as is,

"Her toes tapped a whispered tune
In the puddle at her feet."

The extended metaphor is beautifully realised and the last four lines round it off perfectly. It's a stunning poem JB. You are being particularly productive at the mo.

Live and be well - H

[YesNo]

I liked the alliteration in "mousse with maggots", but I didn't know that maggots and mousse went together.

The word "similie" should probably be "simile".

I think the hidden message of this is, "Females are like sweet mousse with maggots giving males the illusion that life is sweet." Did I get it right?

[AuntShecky]

To paraphrase Estelle Reiner's immortal movie line, "I'll have what you're having."

[Jerrybaldy]

Thank you Haunted. RIP indeed..
Hawk. Taken on board and changed. Thanks for your appreciation and suggestions.
YesNo. It's a mouse not a mousse. A sugar mouse is a sweet here ( or candy depending on where you live) It's errmm a mouse made of sugar traditionally with a string tail to hold it by. The whole thing is just a metaphor for the sweetness of love and the bitterness of its demise. Thanks for commenting. I appreciate it.
Thanks Auntie. I will have one with you.

[ampoule]

Drippingly sweet. I, too, liked the shoulder thing. :)

[Bar22do]

I only now read it. Honey is an amazing poem, J., the metaphor reads so spontaneous.
Wanted to quote the best line, but they are all great, encompassed by the beige rainbow.
Thanks J., Bar

[Jerrybaldy]

Thank you ampoule and Bar. Very happy to see you both return!! X