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View Full Version : The Mowers---Horror Story for Halloween



Igor, Froderick
10-11-2014, 12:01 PM
To be festive, thought I'd post something eerie. Hope you like:


The mowers were at it again. Every single morning in the infernal suburban neighborhood he called his home, some gardener flicked the switch of a machine, igniting the racket that would continue for the next few hours. He didn’t mind it much during the week—or did he?
No, he decided. But on the weekend, he didn’t have to leave the perpetual groan of small floral blades behind. The weekend was supposed to be his quiet time.

His wife had heard his complaints, and although she could handle the noise, they both thought the least thing an H.O.A. could do was synchronize a day where everyone’s individually-hired hedge-pruners worked, preferably midday so that incessant mowers weren’t a morning wakeup call. He had voiced this to one of the association’s members, but the man must’ve interpreted it as a half-truth joke.

On this day, he’d had enough. It was 7:30 in the morning on a Saturday and, once again, he was woken by the sounds.

“I’m thinkin’ of takin’ a walk outside the neighborhood,” he said in the kitchen while his wife sipped her coffee. And conspiratorially, “You wanna come?”

“You go ahead, honey. I’ll finish reading the paper.”

The drone in his head inevitably increased as he exited his house. He turned on the country path, leading out his block towards the farmlands adjacent to his neighborhood.The fresh morning air revived him, along with the diminutive hum, ever decreasing and replaced with the chirps of birds and croaks of toads.

At a bend in the dirt trail stood on old abandoned house. Approaching, he admired its historic colonial architecture, despite the paint being faded and cracked. It sat on a knoll, and its lawn was clumpy, uneven and overgrown. Clusters of trees made up the woods behind the edifice, ominous witnesses to those who trespassed.

Something drew him to the front door. He’d always passed by the place when he hiked with his wife. He wondered why he just now was investigating. Amazingly, the door was unlocked. Before he stepped in, he noticed tire tracks at the side path that winded towards the back of the house.

The place smelled antiquated and musty. Old furniture was scattered throughout, covered in decades-old dust and vermin pellets. He walked to the back of the house, bypassing the rickety stairs to the second floor. For a moment he paused and took in the serene silence offered by an old country house, away from all the noise, nosey-bodies, and neatness. As if remembering something, he sauntered to the living area next to the backdoor.

An olfactory assault seized him, death clogging the air. Perhaps a large raccoon had made this area its final resting place. He stopped at the threshold and it clicked. Before him were the bodies of the recently missing gardeners. There were three of them. Three less mowers, he thought. A fourth and differently dressed man lay lifeless at the end of the row. It was Carl Lundegaard, a neighbor a few houses down—whose hobby was gardening. That’s right, he’d gone missing too. People thought there was some connection with the gardeners.

He admired his work with neither smile nor pride, only basking in the silence the dead offered.

He went out the backdoor, following the familiar tire marks down the driveway to the main path, returning to his own home. In the distance, there were only one or two mowers fishing up. A smile crossed his face. He had work to do.

108 fountains
10-16-2014, 11:25 AM
I like the basic idea, especially about how the main character decided to cope with the annoying mowers. It was comedic and at the same time macabre, sort of Alfred Hitchcock-like. But something was not quite right. Often to get to a "twist" ending, a writer will lead the reader to think one way and then surprise him at the end when the story takes another direction, but the writer needs to do that "honestly." In this case, some of the passages designed to lead the reader to go astray, while not quite dishonest, left me feeling somewhat cheated. More importantly, the passages in question are totally unnecessary.

"He wondered why he just now was investigating. Amazingly, the door was unlocked." Well, it turns out he had been there before so he would have known if the door was locked or not, and he certainly had "investigated" previously.

"Perhaps a large raccoon had made this area its final resting place." Well, perhaps - but the main character knows better, so why throw this canard to the reader?

"He stopped at the threshold and it clicked." What clicked? He already knew. Better to have just said, "He stopped at the threshold."

I think the story is really good, but it would be better to just delete the passages I've quoted above. You would still have the twist ending, and in my opinion the entire story would be improved by the deletions.

Also, I think the ending would have been better if you had stopped at "A smile crossed his face." just because there are a bunch of stories out there that end with "He had work to do."

Igor, Froderick
10-17-2014, 01:03 PM
Thank you, 108 fountains, for reading and comments. I appreciate the connection with Hitchcock---love his style. In this short piece, I riddled it with subtext of amnesia that comes with his psychopathy. His memory "clicks" like the mower switch when he sees the bodies and remembers his victims. I agree with critique of the last sentence. I will take it out.

Happy Friday!