rvandehoef
10-09-2014, 08:19 PM
This is a short story I'm working on, please let me know what you think. Any kind of criticism is welcome.
"What’s so important you had me come all this way at this ungodly hour?" a young man asked while looking at the GPS on his phone, clearly realizing he had reached his destination. “I'm sorry" an older man replied out of the darkness of a small alley.
"There was no time to explain, not over the phone”. “We probably shouldn't be talking on the streets either, follow me". The young man followed him through a maze of small dark alleys, tripping over the occasional garbage bags and cardboard boxes people had left there. It was a cold winter night, but for some reason walking through these grim alleys made it seem even colder. The young man tightened his long trench coat and crossed his arms, as if it would make a difference in these temperatures. The older man hadn't spoken a word since they first entered the alley, only looking back to see if the young man was still following him.
"We're here Peter" the older man said while looking at a dead end in an alley. Peter felt like he had passed the same alley several times, but he didn't say anything as all of the alleys looked the same to him anyway. "A dead end?" Peter asked staring at the solid brick wall a couple of meters away from him. "This is what you had to-". The older man interrupted him "No, not there" he said. "Over here" the older man walked towards an old payphone hanging on the wall to the left of Peter. "Are you serious?" Peter asked with a grumpy tone in his voice "you made me come all the way here to make a phone call?". But then he noticed the number Michael dialed. It was too short to be a phone number. After hearing a soft click, he realized his mistake. "Help me out with this will you?" Michael said while pushing with his entire weight against a door-shaped brick wall in between two garbage containers.
Once they opened the door and closed it up from the inside, Michael hit a switch on the wall and a small corridor appeared in front of them. The walls were grey and there were no other doors, as was now visible from the dim light coming from a room up ahead.
When they came closer to the room, a single phrase was carved in the cement floor: Veritas vos liberabit. “The truth will make you free” Peter whispered while walking into the room. Very fitting to the circumstances, he thought. “What did you say?” Michael asked. “Nothing… Nothing…” Peter muttered while sitting down in a simple metal chair. The walls of the room were not grey as the ones in the corridor. These were filled with drawings, maps and pictures of people. However, in the dim light from the single light bulb in the center of the room it seemed like a random collection of strange drawings. “This is where I figured it all out Peter” Michael said, realizing his companion was looking at the walls. “But that’s not why I asked you to come here at this hour”. “Then what is?” Peter asked, clearly still upset being taken away from the warm comfort of is bed. “Our time is up, it has begun”. Peter suddenly didn't care about his bed anymore “we’re too late” he thought.
On the other side of the city, a young attractive woman sat in her car waiting for a stoplight to turn green. “Why the hell did Peter leave without waking me up or leaving me a note” she thought to herself. “That’s nothing like him”. She checked her phone and saw that there were no new messages. “Damn it peter” she said out loud, with a hint of concern in her voice. She had left him several text messages and 3 voice-mails about an hour ago. But she only decided to go look for him when the calls went straight to voicemail. She knew the usual places he went to talk about the greatest secret of the 21st century as Peter called it. The stoplight had turned green, which she only realized because of the honking cars behind her. She pushed the accelerator only to hit the brakes moments after to give way to a rushing ambulance that came from the right. “That’s the seventh ambulance in a hurry tonight” she thought. “What the hell is going on?”.
Peter looked worried “I have to warn Kate” he said while getting his phone out of his pocket. “There is no cell phone reception here” Michael replied “this place is basically a disguised bunker”. Peter didn’t hesitate a second and started walking towards the door he came through reading the texts Kate had sent him. The last text said she was worried which probably meant she went out to look for him. “That’s the last thing she should do right now” Peter thought. As the heavy door hesitated cooperating with Peter’s efforts he noticed the moonlight coming through the small opening. It was a lot brighter than moonlight should be, and the hue was too yellow to be moonlight. There was something there, something that wasn't there when they came in. As he opened the door further he saw a man laying motionless on the floor. He had a flashlight in one of his hands. “I knew him” Michael’s trembling voice said from behind “he was good man”. Peter looked around but didn’t see anyone or anything else. He still had the phone in his hand, ready to call his girlfriend but it seemed like he had forgotten how to use it. Michael had put on a small mask covering his mouth and nose and white latex gloves now covered his wrinkly hands. “Just in case” Michael said while approaching the motionless man.
He looked for a heartbeat in the man’s neck, but when he couldn't find one he searched his pockets. Michael held up a small piece of paper he found in one of the pockets “It’s a message for us” he said.
Kate had continued her search after letting the ambulance pass. She had been to several of Peter’s favorite places but had found no trace of him. “Where are you?” she thought while getting back into her car after visiting a bar named the lonely shepherd. She put her phone on speaker and dialed the number where she left several voicemails already. A confused man answered the phone “H-Hi Kate, I’m – I’m sorry I didn't call you. I've been very-” he hesitated as if he had suddenly lost the ability to speak English “-busy” finally came out. “Where are you?” she asked, very worried at this point. Peter was a man with a silver tongue, it was nothing like him to speak like this. “Don’t worry about me, go to the place we've discussed – don’t talk to anyone” he replied.
“But I’ve just been there” she said very upset “and you were not there!”. She checked her phone to see the time. Almost 4am. “I know, but I’ll be there as soon as I finish up here” Peter said “Trust me, just for once”. Where is ‘here’ Kate thought but she noticed Peter was afraid of something so she only answered “Okay, but I’ll wait up until you get there and explain me what’s going on”.
Peter only replied with “I will, I love you” and he hung up the phone. “Was that Kate?” Michael asked. “Yes it was, she is going to our sanctuary” Peter replied. “That’s probably good enough for tonight, but not for long” Michael said while holding up the note. Mutantur omnia nos et mutamur in illis. “All things change, and we change with them” Peter said. “Yes, it means they know that we know” Michael answered “and our friend here died getting this message to us”.
"What’s so important you had me come all this way at this ungodly hour?" a young man asked while looking at the GPS on his phone, clearly realizing he had reached his destination. “I'm sorry" an older man replied out of the darkness of a small alley.
"There was no time to explain, not over the phone”. “We probably shouldn't be talking on the streets either, follow me". The young man followed him through a maze of small dark alleys, tripping over the occasional garbage bags and cardboard boxes people had left there. It was a cold winter night, but for some reason walking through these grim alleys made it seem even colder. The young man tightened his long trench coat and crossed his arms, as if it would make a difference in these temperatures. The older man hadn't spoken a word since they first entered the alley, only looking back to see if the young man was still following him.
"We're here Peter" the older man said while looking at a dead end in an alley. Peter felt like he had passed the same alley several times, but he didn't say anything as all of the alleys looked the same to him anyway. "A dead end?" Peter asked staring at the solid brick wall a couple of meters away from him. "This is what you had to-". The older man interrupted him "No, not there" he said. "Over here" the older man walked towards an old payphone hanging on the wall to the left of Peter. "Are you serious?" Peter asked with a grumpy tone in his voice "you made me come all the way here to make a phone call?". But then he noticed the number Michael dialed. It was too short to be a phone number. After hearing a soft click, he realized his mistake. "Help me out with this will you?" Michael said while pushing with his entire weight against a door-shaped brick wall in between two garbage containers.
Once they opened the door and closed it up from the inside, Michael hit a switch on the wall and a small corridor appeared in front of them. The walls were grey and there were no other doors, as was now visible from the dim light coming from a room up ahead.
When they came closer to the room, a single phrase was carved in the cement floor: Veritas vos liberabit. “The truth will make you free” Peter whispered while walking into the room. Very fitting to the circumstances, he thought. “What did you say?” Michael asked. “Nothing… Nothing…” Peter muttered while sitting down in a simple metal chair. The walls of the room were not grey as the ones in the corridor. These were filled with drawings, maps and pictures of people. However, in the dim light from the single light bulb in the center of the room it seemed like a random collection of strange drawings. “This is where I figured it all out Peter” Michael said, realizing his companion was looking at the walls. “But that’s not why I asked you to come here at this hour”. “Then what is?” Peter asked, clearly still upset being taken away from the warm comfort of is bed. “Our time is up, it has begun”. Peter suddenly didn't care about his bed anymore “we’re too late” he thought.
On the other side of the city, a young attractive woman sat in her car waiting for a stoplight to turn green. “Why the hell did Peter leave without waking me up or leaving me a note” she thought to herself. “That’s nothing like him”. She checked her phone and saw that there were no new messages. “Damn it peter” she said out loud, with a hint of concern in her voice. She had left him several text messages and 3 voice-mails about an hour ago. But she only decided to go look for him when the calls went straight to voicemail. She knew the usual places he went to talk about the greatest secret of the 21st century as Peter called it. The stoplight had turned green, which she only realized because of the honking cars behind her. She pushed the accelerator only to hit the brakes moments after to give way to a rushing ambulance that came from the right. “That’s the seventh ambulance in a hurry tonight” she thought. “What the hell is going on?”.
Peter looked worried “I have to warn Kate” he said while getting his phone out of his pocket. “There is no cell phone reception here” Michael replied “this place is basically a disguised bunker”. Peter didn’t hesitate a second and started walking towards the door he came through reading the texts Kate had sent him. The last text said she was worried which probably meant she went out to look for him. “That’s the last thing she should do right now” Peter thought. As the heavy door hesitated cooperating with Peter’s efforts he noticed the moonlight coming through the small opening. It was a lot brighter than moonlight should be, and the hue was too yellow to be moonlight. There was something there, something that wasn't there when they came in. As he opened the door further he saw a man laying motionless on the floor. He had a flashlight in one of his hands. “I knew him” Michael’s trembling voice said from behind “he was good man”. Peter looked around but didn’t see anyone or anything else. He still had the phone in his hand, ready to call his girlfriend but it seemed like he had forgotten how to use it. Michael had put on a small mask covering his mouth and nose and white latex gloves now covered his wrinkly hands. “Just in case” Michael said while approaching the motionless man.
He looked for a heartbeat in the man’s neck, but when he couldn't find one he searched his pockets. Michael held up a small piece of paper he found in one of the pockets “It’s a message for us” he said.
Kate had continued her search after letting the ambulance pass. She had been to several of Peter’s favorite places but had found no trace of him. “Where are you?” she thought while getting back into her car after visiting a bar named the lonely shepherd. She put her phone on speaker and dialed the number where she left several voicemails already. A confused man answered the phone “H-Hi Kate, I’m – I’m sorry I didn't call you. I've been very-” he hesitated as if he had suddenly lost the ability to speak English “-busy” finally came out. “Where are you?” she asked, very worried at this point. Peter was a man with a silver tongue, it was nothing like him to speak like this. “Don’t worry about me, go to the place we've discussed – don’t talk to anyone” he replied.
“But I’ve just been there” she said very upset “and you were not there!”. She checked her phone to see the time. Almost 4am. “I know, but I’ll be there as soon as I finish up here” Peter said “Trust me, just for once”. Where is ‘here’ Kate thought but she noticed Peter was afraid of something so she only answered “Okay, but I’ll wait up until you get there and explain me what’s going on”.
Peter only replied with “I will, I love you” and he hung up the phone. “Was that Kate?” Michael asked. “Yes it was, she is going to our sanctuary” Peter replied. “That’s probably good enough for tonight, but not for long” Michael said while holding up the note. Mutantur omnia nos et mutamur in illis. “All things change, and we change with them” Peter said. “Yes, it means they know that we know” Michael answered “and our friend here died getting this message to us”.