Sammarie92
10-07-2014, 02:50 PM
Hey everyone this is my first piece of work just looking for some friendly critiquing and general input! Enjoy :-)
CAGED
His Mind
He had just arrived to the party and he was heading out back where almost everyone already was. Passing by, a few people had stopped him to make idle conversation. After a couple minutes he makes an excuse to get to the party. He walked through the gate and scanned over the crowd.
She caught his eye. She was just breaking out of a cluster of people. He watched her beeline to the only bench that was away from everyone. He saw such beauty in her, from the way she moved to the uncertainty of her eyes. There was just something about her that he knew he wouldn't be able to stop thinking about her if he didn't at least go talk to her. So he started debating on what to say. Should he make small talk? He isn't very good at it. Should it be something meaningful or straight to the point? He wasn't sure which one.
So he stole another look at her. She was just sitting there by herself. She looked more comfortable that way. Should he just leave her alone? He didn't want to intrude. She looked up and he got a good look into her eyes. They seemed to carry a certain kind of silence that begged to be understood. They practically pulled him to her. His feet began moving before he wanted them to.
He still had no idea what to say to her but as he got closer he felt a calming flood wash over him. He stopped a few feet from her, she didn't notice him. Too deep in thought he assumed. So he cleared his throat to get her attention. Slowly she looked up at him, their eyes locked. He was caught off guard by her sheer beauty. Hypnotized by her he blurted out:
"I'm not really good at small talk and I don't really care for it either."
He couldn't believe it! Did he really just say that? He was suppose to keep cool, can he even save this conversation now? She let out the sweetest laugh he had ever heard and said:
"Apparently I'm not either."
He let out the breath that he didn't even realize he was holding in. Any anxiety he had, had vanished. He was relieved that he got some of the awkwardness out of the way, so hopefully they could move forward. Hoping to recover the conversation, with the most sincere look, he said:
"I saw you earlier, you looked deep in thought. I was wondering if you cared to share what you were thinking about with me?"
She went quiet and in that moment he knew it was something personal. With the look she had in her eyes he knew she was at war with herself. So he simply added:
"The best view comes after the hardest climb."
After a few moments of silence between them he saw her change right before his eyes.
He knew that this was just the beginning.
Her Mind
She had been at the party for awhile now. Trying to work past her shyness and out of her comfort zone. Going up to people she barely knew trying to have conversations. After many awkward and failed attempts she decided to retreat back to the comfort of her own thoughts. A place where she didn't have to try to be anyone but herself. She spotted a bench that no one was around and sighed with relief as she made her way to it. Zigzagging through people too engrossed in their own conversations to pay any attention to anyone and anything around them.
Finally! She made it, she sat down and started to watch everyone. Wondering to herself why she couldn't be like them. Words seemed to come so easily to everyone else as well as the pointless conversations. When she is always feeling tongue tied and confused. Someone cleared their throat startling her back to the real world. She looked up and saw him. She saw his anxiousness and knew exactly how he felt, with her feeling that way so many times before. He blurted out:
"I'm no good at small talk and I don't really care for it anyways."
It caught her off guard and made her laugh. She thinks that he is just the most adorable person she's ever seen.
"Apparently I'm not either." She said
As she watched his face relax. This is the most comfortable she has ever felt talking to someone. She finally starts to relax a little. She can really have a conversation with someone without feeling completely awkward. Maybe it's because he seemed more anxious than she did, but that didn't matter to her because she just couldn't look away from him. He started to say something. It took her a minute to fully grasp what he had just said. She had to repeat it back to herself.
"I saw you earlier, you looked deep in thought. I was wondering if you cared to share what you were thinking about with me?"
She panicked. Should she tell him the truth? That she compares herself to the "normal" people. That she thinks she's an outsider or that she might just be broken, never being able to make a connection with anyone. Should she just lie and make up an excuse to go home? She has never told anyone about how she sees and feels about herself. Would he just think she's crazy or would he actually be able to understand? He looked like he truly wanted to know what was happening in her head. Then she heard him say:
"The best view comes after the hardest climb."
Then she knew that maybe he would understand. Maybe everything will be okay if she did let someone have a peek inside of her mind. He already seems to understand her. Maybe, just maybe he would be able to help her understand herself. It was decided. After years of longing to be herself around someone and have them completely understand her. He has given her hope that she could be free of the cage that is her mind.
CAGED
His Mind
He had just arrived to the party and he was heading out back where almost everyone already was. Passing by, a few people had stopped him to make idle conversation. After a couple minutes he makes an excuse to get to the party. He walked through the gate and scanned over the crowd.
She caught his eye. She was just breaking out of a cluster of people. He watched her beeline to the only bench that was away from everyone. He saw such beauty in her, from the way she moved to the uncertainty of her eyes. There was just something about her that he knew he wouldn't be able to stop thinking about her if he didn't at least go talk to her. So he started debating on what to say. Should he make small talk? He isn't very good at it. Should it be something meaningful or straight to the point? He wasn't sure which one.
So he stole another look at her. She was just sitting there by herself. She looked more comfortable that way. Should he just leave her alone? He didn't want to intrude. She looked up and he got a good look into her eyes. They seemed to carry a certain kind of silence that begged to be understood. They practically pulled him to her. His feet began moving before he wanted them to.
He still had no idea what to say to her but as he got closer he felt a calming flood wash over him. He stopped a few feet from her, she didn't notice him. Too deep in thought he assumed. So he cleared his throat to get her attention. Slowly she looked up at him, their eyes locked. He was caught off guard by her sheer beauty. Hypnotized by her he blurted out:
"I'm not really good at small talk and I don't really care for it either."
He couldn't believe it! Did he really just say that? He was suppose to keep cool, can he even save this conversation now? She let out the sweetest laugh he had ever heard and said:
"Apparently I'm not either."
He let out the breath that he didn't even realize he was holding in. Any anxiety he had, had vanished. He was relieved that he got some of the awkwardness out of the way, so hopefully they could move forward. Hoping to recover the conversation, with the most sincere look, he said:
"I saw you earlier, you looked deep in thought. I was wondering if you cared to share what you were thinking about with me?"
She went quiet and in that moment he knew it was something personal. With the look she had in her eyes he knew she was at war with herself. So he simply added:
"The best view comes after the hardest climb."
After a few moments of silence between them he saw her change right before his eyes.
He knew that this was just the beginning.
Her Mind
She had been at the party for awhile now. Trying to work past her shyness and out of her comfort zone. Going up to people she barely knew trying to have conversations. After many awkward and failed attempts she decided to retreat back to the comfort of her own thoughts. A place where she didn't have to try to be anyone but herself. She spotted a bench that no one was around and sighed with relief as she made her way to it. Zigzagging through people too engrossed in their own conversations to pay any attention to anyone and anything around them.
Finally! She made it, she sat down and started to watch everyone. Wondering to herself why she couldn't be like them. Words seemed to come so easily to everyone else as well as the pointless conversations. When she is always feeling tongue tied and confused. Someone cleared their throat startling her back to the real world. She looked up and saw him. She saw his anxiousness and knew exactly how he felt, with her feeling that way so many times before. He blurted out:
"I'm no good at small talk and I don't really care for it anyways."
It caught her off guard and made her laugh. She thinks that he is just the most adorable person she's ever seen.
"Apparently I'm not either." She said
As she watched his face relax. This is the most comfortable she has ever felt talking to someone. She finally starts to relax a little. She can really have a conversation with someone without feeling completely awkward. Maybe it's because he seemed more anxious than she did, but that didn't matter to her because she just couldn't look away from him. He started to say something. It took her a minute to fully grasp what he had just said. She had to repeat it back to herself.
"I saw you earlier, you looked deep in thought. I was wondering if you cared to share what you were thinking about with me?"
She panicked. Should she tell him the truth? That she compares herself to the "normal" people. That she thinks she's an outsider or that she might just be broken, never being able to make a connection with anyone. Should she just lie and make up an excuse to go home? She has never told anyone about how she sees and feels about herself. Would he just think she's crazy or would he actually be able to understand? He looked like he truly wanted to know what was happening in her head. Then she heard him say:
"The best view comes after the hardest climb."
Then she knew that maybe he would understand. Maybe everything will be okay if she did let someone have a peek inside of her mind. He already seems to understand her. Maybe, just maybe he would be able to help her understand herself. It was decided. After years of longing to be herself around someone and have them completely understand her. He has given her hope that she could be free of the cage that is her mind.