Biggus
09-28-2014, 05:03 AM
I HEARD ON THE GRAPEVINE THAT YOUR BIRTHDAY
I heard on the grapevine that your birthday
Was cancelled due to lack of aging!
But now I give you a closer look
I can see that they were exaggerating
MILESTONE 60 # 6
Your body is showing signs of wear
But you're still young at heart
And you’re in good shape to be fair
It’s hard to tell that you’re an old fart
THE DIVORCE COURT JUDGE SAID
The divorce Court Judge said “Mr. Curtis,
I have decided to give your wife £500 a week”
“That’s very fair, your honour,' Mr Curtis said
“I can manage a few quid myself at a squeak”
WE WERE SHOPPING FOR HOLIDAY CLOTHES
We were shopping for holiday clothes
And we were very nearly done
When my wife reached the swimwear
“Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?”
She asked me so I replied “get a bikini”
'You will never get it all in one”
THE GRAVESIDE SERVICE WAS OVER
The graveside service was over,
When there was a clap of thunder,
Followed by a bolt of lightning,
Then a louder clap of thunder
The old man turned and said
“Well she’s arrived then Vicar”
DARLING LET ME JUST SAY THIS
Darling let me just say this
For your future information
If you expect me to follow
The flow of the conversation
Then you must at least try
Whenever possible, please say
Whatever you have to say
During the commercials, ok?
LISTEN I AM NOT A MIND READER
Listen I am not a mind reader
And I never will be to be fare
But if I ask you what is wrong
My lack of mind-reading skills
Does not prove that I don’t care
MY ACUPUNCTURIST ATTACKED ME
My acupuncturist attacked me
When she proper lost her temper
She stabbed me with a needle
But you know, I’ve never felt better
MY FRIEND RAVED TO ME
My friend raved to me
About his orthopaedic shoe
But I think he built them up
Too much in my view
ONE IN FOUR WOMEN IN THIS COUNTRY
One in four women in this country
Are on meds for mental illness
So the rest are running around
Undiagnosed more or less
I heard on the grapevine that your birthday
Was cancelled due to lack of aging!
But now I give you a closer look
I can see that they were exaggerating
MILESTONE 60 # 6
Your body is showing signs of wear
But you're still young at heart
And you’re in good shape to be fair
It’s hard to tell that you’re an old fart
THE DIVORCE COURT JUDGE SAID
The divorce Court Judge said “Mr. Curtis,
I have decided to give your wife £500 a week”
“That’s very fair, your honour,' Mr Curtis said
“I can manage a few quid myself at a squeak”
WE WERE SHOPPING FOR HOLIDAY CLOTHES
We were shopping for holiday clothes
And we were very nearly done
When my wife reached the swimwear
“Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?”
She asked me so I replied “get a bikini”
'You will never get it all in one”
THE GRAVESIDE SERVICE WAS OVER
The graveside service was over,
When there was a clap of thunder,
Followed by a bolt of lightning,
Then a louder clap of thunder
The old man turned and said
“Well she’s arrived then Vicar”
DARLING LET ME JUST SAY THIS
Darling let me just say this
For your future information
If you expect me to follow
The flow of the conversation
Then you must at least try
Whenever possible, please say
Whatever you have to say
During the commercials, ok?
LISTEN I AM NOT A MIND READER
Listen I am not a mind reader
And I never will be to be fare
But if I ask you what is wrong
My lack of mind-reading skills
Does not prove that I don’t care
MY ACUPUNCTURIST ATTACKED ME
My acupuncturist attacked me
When she proper lost her temper
She stabbed me with a needle
But you know, I’ve never felt better
MY FRIEND RAVED TO ME
My friend raved to me
About his orthopaedic shoe
But I think he built them up
Too much in my view
ONE IN FOUR WOMEN IN THIS COUNTRY
One in four women in this country
Are on meds for mental illness
So the rest are running around
Undiagnosed more or less