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DATo
09-11-2014, 07:01 AM
Boats That Sail Across The Skies

by

DATo

CHAPTER I

July 1943
A military staging base on the outskirts of Phoenix, Arizona - U.S.A.

"We’re heading west boys, so have your gear packed and be ready to move in forty-eight hours. I can’t tell you when we’ll be on the Pacific or where on the west coast we’ll be shipping out from, that’s classified, but ... we’re a-goin’. This time it’s for real. So if any of you knuckleheads hasn’t filled out his GI life insurance papers or if you have any letters to send home do it now." said Lieutenant Morrison to his platoon of 48 men as they sat congregated in one of the newly built quonset huts.

"One more thing. I’ve been told that we will need an electrician in this platoon. Anybody here an electrician, or do I have to requisition one?"

Private first class Vincent Matteo sheepishly raised his hand.

"How old are you son?" inquired the lieutenant.

"Nineteen years old sir." responded Private Matteo.

"And you’re an electrician?" asked the lieutenant skeptically.

"Yes sir. Got an early start. Finished technical school in ‘40 then me and big brother started a company. We were doing OK and then the Japs hit Pearl and, well, here I am." said Vincent.

There was a slight smattering of laughter and nodding of heads as other members of the assembled group remembered how their own lives had been turned upside-down by the war.

Lieutenant Morrison pointed directly at Private Matteo’s nose and said, "You’re now a sergeant. You’ll be responsible for three trucks and six men."

Once again there was a smattering of laughter by the men, this time accompanied by applause and a few catcalls. The men knew they could get away with this. The unusually close relationship of the men and their lieutenant, though it did not strictly adhere to military protocol, had contributed to the feeling of kindred closeness and the high level of morale in the group.

Vincent, while looking at the ground he sat on and nodding with a silly grin, raised his hand to acknowledge his comrades and then, in all seriousness, saluted Lieutenant Morrison as if to say, Ok with me boss.

July 1943
Kwajalein Island - Marshall Islands - Pacific Ocean

Corporal Katsu Kotako sat in a grass hut overlooking the bay to the north of Kwajalein Island, the largest island of the Kwajalein Atoll. It was a beautiful day. Great billowing clouds of the purest white were accented against the cobalt blue backdrop of the sky. Corporal Katako was charged with the mindless duty of visually monitoring, from his elevated hilltop position, an expanse from the beaches to the distant horizon of the Pacific ocean for signs of an enemy which, on such a perfect day, Kotako was hard-pressed to believe actually existed.

Corporal Kotako was hard-pressed to believe many of the things he had been told but he wisely kept his doubts to himself. He knew, for instance, that any enemy approach would be known long before he sighted them. They would be picked up by radar, patrol planes, and picket ships, but his duty was to sit in this hut and serve as an observer, and Corporal Kotako almost always obeyed orders willingly. He felt a mild pang of uneasiness when he thought of the times he had disobeyed orders however. During the occupation of Guam he had intentionally shot over the heads of the civilians he was charged to kill as they fled in confusion. He had also intentionally missed the people he was once assigned to shoot as a member of a firing squad. He knew the victims lives were forfeit, someone else would see to it, but he could not bring himself to be a killer of the helpless; in fact, to date, Corporal Kotako was unaware of having harmed anyone since the beginning of hostilities. There was always the off chance that one of his bullets fired into the general area of an enemy had found its mark, but so far he had never been aware with any degree of certainty of anyone ever killed as a direct result of his own, intentional efforts.

Corporal Kotako watched the clouds as they passed across the sky and smiled. Since the time when he was a child he had always loved to watch clouds rolling across the sky. He thought of them as sail ships, sailing to unknown destinies.

In addition to knowing that his present duty was a worthless waste of time, Corporal Kotako was also aware that the sun was an enormous fireball in the heavens - one of an apparently infinite number of stars which just happened to be close to the earth. But he had been told that the sun was a god and that his Emperor was descended from this god. Kotako could not reconcile the scientific facts with the beliefs he had been taught - the beliefs his parents and everyone he knew and loved believed and expoused. He tried not to think of it because every time he did he became confused. It was his duty to believe what he had been told by his elders.

Corporal Kotako cleaned his already immaculate Ariska 99 rifle to pass the time. He remembered the lecture he received when he was given the rifle. During the lecture the officer told of a famous and mighty band of warriors who had lived long ago. When going off to war the warriors were told by their own mothers and wives to return with their shields or lying dead upon them. Such was the respect and reverence to be shown by every warrior of the Imperial Army of Nippon to his rifle. Kotako thought it curious at the time to think that a mother would hold the value of a shield to be of more importance than the life of her own son.

"It’s time Katsu. I am here to relieve you. Go get something to eat." said Corporal Onoda. "How many Americans have you killed in the last four hours?"

Corporal Kotako laughed but said, "I wouldn’t joke about that. We may be seeing them sooner than we think."

"Why would they want this ridiculous atoll? Sometimes I think the army is punishing us for all the infractions we’ve committed and thought we had gotten away with by posting us here." said Onada.

"YOUR infractions Kinji - san. I do not commit infractions." replied a laughing Katsu Kotako, but his smile melted as he once again remembered his dereliction of duty regarding the ordered killing of civilians. Corporal Kotako inspected his rifle one last time before shouldering it and leaving the hut.


March 2014
Jefferson Barracks National Cemetery - St. Louis, Missouri - U.S.A.

An American flag snapped sharply against the wind of a cobalt blue sky - a sky accented by billowing, pure white, cotton candy clouds. The monotonous clanking sound of a halyard against the metal flagpole was interrupted by three barked orders, followed each in turn by the precisely timed reports of three rifles. Sergeant Vincent Matteo, aged ninety, was being laid to rest. The three rifle bearers, in Marine dress blues now stood at parade rest as a white-gloved military officer presented the flag which had covered their father’s coffin to his three middle-aged children, Vincent’s wife having preceded him in death.

As the congregation of friends and family began to depart an elderly man was approached by Joseph Matteo, Vincent’s oldest son.

"Uncle Paul! Did Virginia mention for you to join us back at dad’s house? The girls put together a lot of food for everyone for lunch." said Joe Matteo.

"Yes, yes I’ll be there. Listen, I want to tell you now, before I forget, to stop by my place sometime soon. I have something of your father’s that I want to give to you."

"Yeah? What is it Uncle Paul?"

"This isn’t the time or the place Joey. Just stop in when you can." replied Uncle Paul. "How are you boys and your sister holding up?"

"We’ve been expecting it. After all he was ninety years old. I think he was ready, too. I think he was just tired of living Uncle Paul, and he never stopped missing mom. We’re just grateful that he had his wits right up to the end. Just last week he was telling us again, for the hundredth time, about him and his buddy, Ack-Ack, during the war." laughed Joe.

Uncle Paul laughed too. "He had so many funny stories. Well, he had a gravy assignment for the most part and missed a lot of the carnage. He and his crew used lights and generators to light up the bombed out Japanese runways at night so the Seabees could get them repaired after the islands were taken and secured. Those airstrips were of the highest priority and they had to work day and night to make them operational again as soon as possible, but you already know all this. Your dad probably helped build a couple dozen airstrips during that war."

"Yeah, and he told us about every one of them too." laughed Joe. "I miss him already Uncle Paul"

"See you back at the house." said Uncle Paul as Joe Matteo climbed into the limo with his sister and brother for the ride back.

March 2014
Aichi Prefecture - Honshu - Japan

Sachiko walked carefully over the uneven pathway leading from her home to the commercial district. She was still, despite her age, very spry and healthy though the winter had taken its toll upon her arthritis. She was on a mission to purchase something of extreme importance. If she failed to make the purchase she would be disgraced in her own eyes for the remainder of her life. She was startled as a motor scooter sped closely and noisily past her in the street. She would never allow herself to become accustomed to the modern state of the world. "Japanese children have all become Westernized!" she would often complain, "They lack respect for our traditions and historical way of life." Sachiko knew that her son or daughter would have willingly undertaken the errand to make the purchase for her if she had asked them to, but this was her duty, and her responsibility, to delegate it to anyone else would be disgraceful. Sachiko increased her pace in defiance of the pain she felt in her arthritic ankles.

=================================================

Chapter II

February 1944
Kwajalein Island - Marshall Islands - Pacific Ocean

The American military leaders had learned a bitter lesson on the island of Tarawa, their forces having sustained over six thousand casualties. They were determined not to repeat the errors which had led to those casualties. After a tremendous bombing campaign by air and sea forces the island of Kwajalein was attacked by fifty thousand American GIs effectively outnumbering the Japanese forces by approximately eight to one. Though fighting still continued at the far end of the atoll, on the island of Roi-Namur, the island of Kwajalein had been declared SECURED.

Corporal John Popowski, otherwise known as Ack-Ack by the men in his platoon approached the third of three utility trucks which had just disembarked from the gaping jaws of the LSD beached on the shore. The enormous transport had been disgorging equipment and supplies for the last hour.

"Hey Vinnie! One of the Marines of the Fourth Division just told me that they kicked the crap out of the Japs. They’re estimating over five thousand casualties. We lost only a hunnert or so killed and about eight more wounded."

The corners of Sergeant Matteo’s thinly trimmed mustache lifted in a smile as he said, "Just be glad your working for me Akkie or you might have been one of them. I think all that praying my mom does finally paid off. You got to admit Ack-Ack, we got it good back here. I feel awful bad for those poor bastards who are the first to set foot on these damn islands."

As Sergeant Matteo was speaking the piercing wail of the alert siren sounded.

"What the hell is going on?" said Ack-Ack. "This HAS to be a drill. There ain’t no Jap airbases around here that haven’t already been taken."

Then they saw the small speck in the sky to the northeast as it began its descent in a trajectory pointed directly at the beachhead.

"RUN FOR IT ACK-ACK !!!" shouted Sergeant Matteo.

They both ran to the promising protection of a wall of supply crates fifty yards away as the sound of the lone enemy plane and anti-aircraft fire became audible. Soon a half-dozen small bombs began exploding upon the beach, and then the lone plane veered northward directly into the sun to blind the antiaircraft gunners as it made its escape.

"You OK Vinnie?" said Ack-Ack.

"Yeah. You?" replied Vincent.

They then looked about them and noted for the first time that in addition to the crates, and beside them, were stacked what could be estimated to be two hundred artillery shells.

"You stupid Da-go!!! Why the hell did you lead me to these shells. If they had been hit and gone off there wouldn’t be enough of us left to ship home in an envelope!!!" screamed Corporal Ack-Ack as he grabbed Vincent by the lapels of his shirt and shook him.

"You goddamned Po-lock!!!! I WAS FOLLOWING YOU!!!!" screamed back Sergeant Matteo as he threw himself upon Ack-Ack and wrestled him to the sand. Their fighting strength was soon sapped by their laughter.

They lay smiling on their backs in the sand looking up at a cobalt blue sky, euphoric in the knowledge that they were both still alive. Sergeant Matteo raised his arm and pointed.

"Look at those beautiful clouds Akkie. That one looks like a camel."

"The hell it does," Replied Ack-Ack. "It looks like a porterhouse steak, smothered in mushrooms and onions, with a baked potato and pie ala mode. And look ... look right there ... a cold beer. See the foam on top? NO! A WHOLE CASE OF BEER!"

They both laughed once more, like the couple of kids that they were, as the ‘all-clear’ sounded.


March 2014
St. Louis, Missouri - U.S.A.

"Hey, Joey! You should have called and told me you were coming. I would have fixed some lunch for us." said Joseph Matteo’s uncle.

"That’s OK Uncle Paul. Just ate."

"Everything getting back to normal?"

"Yes, pretty much so. We still have to decide what to do with dad’s house and go through his stuff to determine what to keep and what to get rid of. There are so many memories associated with all that furniture that it’s going to be hard to part with it, but we can’t keep it all." said Joe.

"Speaking of stuff," said Uncle Paul. I want to give you something of your father’s - what I mentioned to you that day at the cemetery. Have a seat. I’ll be right back."

A few moments later Joe’s uncle returned bearing his brother-in-law’s property.

"Woah! Was that dad’s? I never knew he ever hunted. Looks like a deer rifle." said Joe.

"No, Joey. He brought it back from the war. I guess he figured me, being so much younger than his own brothers, would be around longer to pass it on to you when he was gone. I wrote up an explanation just in case I caught it before I had a chance to explain things to you, but it seems that wasn’t necessary now."

"Was it his rifle during the war, Uncle Paul?"

"No Joey. No, it wasn’t." Paul Torralino had to sit down before he could continue. He ran his hands over the ancient relic tenderly as he awkwardly began the tale, "He wanted ... he wanted ... Oh, Jesus Christ!!! .... he wanted you kids to know what happened. He ... he had trouble talking about it. He cried when he told me what happened. He didn’t even tell his own brothers. I really don’t know why he even told me, but he did, and now, at his request, I must tell you. There is one war story of your father’s that you’ve never heard before."

March 2014
Aichi Prefecture - Honshu - Japan


Sachiko heard the tiny bell ring over the door as she entered the shop. The elderly proprietor, Aito Hirayama bowed deeply and smiled warmly at Sachiko as she made her way to the counter.

"Ahh, Sachiko!!! You have not been in my shop for some time. Have you renounced me? said Mr. Hirayama.

"You know why I am here, and if you tell me that you have none I shall pray that this roof collapse upon your stupid and irresponsible head." said Sachiko angrily.

"We have been friends since childhood dear Sachiko. Why do you speak to me this way? If you are angry with me please tell me what I have done." replied Mr. Hirayama.

Sachiko's attitude was at once mollified. "I am not angry with you Aito-san, I am angry with myself. I am old now and my mind does not work as it once did. I thought I had saved a second packet but I cannot find it. The anniversary approaches and I am in a panic. If you do not have any you must get some for me immediately! Please Aito-san, please do not disappoint me." Sachiko appeared ready to cry.

"Sachiko, Sachiko, please calm down, I have a goodly supply. I always overstock just for you. You know that I have always had a special place in my heart for you since we were children. Have you forgotten Sachiko? I have never forgotten."

For the first time Sachiko smiled. "May the gods of my ancestors bless you Aito. Please forgive my behavior."

Aito Hirayama took two packages from a drawer. "This you will pay for." said Aito Hirayama as he extended the small parcel wrapped in brown paper with his right hand. "And this extra portion is a gift, from me to you." he said as he extended his left.

"I'm sorry Aito." said Sachiko.

"Oh, go on! You have already said that." replied Mr. Hirayama.

"No, Aito. I mean for the other. You know I always thought fondly of you but …"

"Yes Sachiko." Mr. Hirayama whispered quietly. "I know."

... to be continued

DATo
09-12-2014, 01:50 PM
======================================

Chapter III


February 1944
Kwajalein Island - Marshall Islands - Pacific Ocean

Sergeant Matteo jumped off the truck before it had finished rolling to a stop.

"OK Keaton, this is where I want the trucks tonight. Right here. The engineers made a hell of a lot of progress today and I want everything to be set up tonight half-way between where they are now and where we expect them to finish tomorrow morning so we can light em up in both directions. Drive back and get O'Malley, and Ack-Ack to bring up the other trucks." said Sergeant Matteo.

"Sure thing sarge. We got plenty of time though - five more hours before sundown." said, Private Keaton.

"Yeah but I want to be already done setting up by sundown in case we have any glitches in the hardware we might have to fix like last time."

"Whatever you say sarge." replied Private Keaton as he sped away in the truck they had just arrived in.

Vincent stood all alone beside the tree line of jungle growth and decided this would be a good time to empty his bowels. As he walked toward the tree line he stumbled upon a fallen branch. He threw his arms outward to balance himself and froze in that position. Twenty feet in front of him was a Japanese soldier with a rifle pointed directly at his chest. Sergeant Matteo's mind raced to remember the prayer he was taught to say in Catholic school when one is aware of impending death but he could not remember it. He remained standing with his arms outstretched, weaponless, and devoid of all hope.

The Japanese soldier was extremely dirty and his clothes were torn and filthy. His left arm and head were wrapped in blood soaked bandages. He walked with a limp out of the tree line and stood facing Sergeant Matteo with his rifle elevated. And then he spoke ….

"Bee-Bee Root chan-dy bah. Me-eat one-time." he then, impossibly, winked. He lowered the Ariska 99 rifle, smiled, and then ejected the shell. With the breach left open he held the rifle horizontally, despite the pain in his arm, and presented it to Vincent Matteo. Corporal Katsu Kotako had decided that the reverence he owed to the prospect of being reunited with his wife and daughter was more sacred to him than the reverence he held for his rifle.

Vincent slowly lowered his arms and had taken two steps forward when sound of the rifle blast exploded in his ears. He saw the Japanese soldier lurch backwards and looking over his own right shoulder saw a Marine soiled in dirt and mud, with one pant leg of his trousers torn off, and his right leg bandaged.

"You owe me one, Flashlight. I just saved your life." said the Marine.

"What the hell you talking about you stinking piece of sh*t? The kid was surrendering!" said Sergeant Matteo.

Sergeant Matteo ran to the fallen Japanese soldier and in his own ignorance of battlefield wounds resulting from his lack of battlefield experience was unaware that the injury was mortal. The soldier was still lucid but fading fast.

"You're gonna be OK kid. I got some trucks coming any minute now We'll get you to a field hospital."

Corporal Katsu Kotako raised his arm and touched Vincent's face. He then pointed over Vincent's shoulder at the sky.

"Do you see? Do you see, American soldier? Look up into the sky. Do you see the pretty clouds? They are boats which have come to take me home."

"I don't know what you're saying kid. You'll be OK. We'll fix you up good as new." said Sergeant Matteo.

Corporal Katsu Kotako then began to sing, "Boats sail on the riv-er, ships sail on the sea. Boats that sail a-cross the skies are pr……."

Corporal Kotako's lips stopped moving, his face became serene - a white, alabaster monument to his times, his gentle eyes were fixed upon boats sailing upon a cobalt-blue sky.

"Hey that's a nice rifle. The little monkey must have taken good care of it." said the Marine. "This is the one I'm gonna send home to my kid brother."

"He was surrendering, you son of a b;tch! What did you have to shoot him for? He could have killed me but he didn't!"

"Do you know what these bastards do to our men when they capture them? They behead them, that's what. What's your problem Flashlight? Get out of the way, I want that rifle."

"You're not gonna touch that rifle!" said Sergeant Matteo as he hurled himself upon the Marine.

Back home Vincent was a street-wise kid who could more than hold his own in a fist fight, but he was no match for the crusty, battle-hardened, and trained killing machine embodied in the Marine. Half-maniacal from battle the Marine soon had Vincent on his back, and as Vincent squeezed upon the Marine's throat with both his hands the Marine delivered the first blow to Vincent's jaw. Vincent saw an explosion of stars but he did not release his grip on the Marine's throat. The second blow landed on the side of Vincent's head sending a shockwave through him which caused his arms to fall. The Marine had lifted his fist to land a final, devastating punch but restrained himself at the last moment. Rolling off of Vincent he stood looking down at him.

"OK Flashlight. The rifle's yours. You earned it the hard way. But every time you look at it just remember that I saved your life. I saved your life - get it? Leave things where they are Flashlight. Your word against mine. You'd never, ever make it stick. You'll only make a fool of yourself." said the Marine, as he trudged back into the undergrowth.

In the distance, twenty men who had heard the rifle report were hurrying to the scene from the airstrip with weapons.

March 2014
St. Louis, Missouri - U.S.A.


Uncle Paul and his nephew, Joseph Matteo sat together for fifteen minutes without speaking. Then, Uncle Paul rose wordlessly and left the room. A moment later he returned with a bottle of bourbon.

"I know it's pretty early in the day for this ..." began Uncle Paul.

"Pour it out. Pour it straight, and pour it big." said Joe Matteo. "Is there anything we can do? It might mean something to the soldier's family if they knew what happened ... that he refused to kill dad I mean. I feel we owe them. We owe them at least something."

"Your dad said they couldn't find out anything about him. Your dad tried, too. He tried very hard. We will never know who they are, and they will never know who we are either Joey. I imagine they must have wondered how he died. Maybe it would mean something to them to know what happened, but there's nothing to be done about it. Now it's up to you to pass the story on to your own kids. Explain to them how even in the hell of war there is often to be found mercy and gallantry. Unfortunately there will never be enough of it to offset the evil of war, but perhaps just enough to offer some measure of hope for our sad human condition."

The two men sat in silence on Uncle Paul's back porch, sipping bourbon as they watched a graceful and leisurely procession clouds passing over the hillside.

April 2014
Aichi Prefecture - Honshu - Japan

Sachiko dusted the butsudan - the shrine to her ancestors located in the corner of the visiting room of her home - for the fourth time. She must change into her kimono before the guests arrive. She had placed the picture of her father in the center of the butsudan for this evening's gathering of friends and family.

She did not know the day her father died. After the war the military records proved very difficult from which to obtain information even of his posting. She knew he had been in Guam for her mother had told her so, but beyond that the waters were murky. As a result she had chosen the month of April - the entire month of April - to honor her father.

She was reminded of a day she had spent with her father in April. It was one of only very few memories of him that remained with her. She had been three years old and he had taken her to see the cherry blossoms in bloom. As he carried her in his arms beneath the beautiful canopy of pink-flowered branches which lined either side of the path through the city gardens he sang to her a song. She remembered it well though it was sung to her so many years ago.

Sachiko opened one of the small, brown papered parcels she had obtained from Mr. Hirayama and poured some of the brown crystals into the incense cup and lit it. Next she lit the tall candles on either side of her father's picture. She would repeat this ritual daily for the remainder of the month. Sachiko watched the sweetly-scented smoke of the incense as well as the darker smoke of the candles rise before her father's picture and then drift to the left of the butsudan, and then further trail to a window which opened upon the sight of her own cherry trees which were now in full bloom.

Sachiko began to sing her father's song.

Boats sail on the rivers.
Ships sail on the seas.
Boats that sail across the skies
Are prettier far than these,
Than ... these
Than-these,
Than-these.

Sachiko smiled to see the incense smoke rise and mingle with the puffy white clouds framed in the window between the flowering cherry branches ... all painted upon a cobalt-blue sky.

Finis

108 fountains
09-15-2014, 04:23 PM
I loved it DATo. I have an interest in history, especially mid-20th century history, and especially the effect the War had on ordinary people. I’m of the generation born of WWII veterans, so while I don’t have first-hand experience, I remember the stories, and I have an inkling of how it affected my parents and their family and friends. This brought back the memories of some of those stories. The writing was nostalgic and sentimental, but I think not overly sentimental (although it did come close).

I like the way you structured it (and I have to say, I also like the way you presented it with chapters in bold font and headings in colored italics – visual layout unfortunately is too often neglected), moving back and forth between geographical settings and time periods.

I’m curious about your choice of title and of the song. I Googled it and found it was written by Christina Georgina Rossetti, a 19th century English Anglican poet. Do you know if the song/poem was known or popular in Japan in the early/mid 20th century? Perhaps it had been brought by Christian missionaries? I have a feeling that there may be an untold story behind this.

DATo
09-16-2014, 04:30 AM
Howdy 108,

Thanks for taking the time to read my story. I know it is long and I knew when I was writing it that this would put a lot of people off, but there was no other way to tell it and maintain the structure. With regard to the structure: I am borrowing a page from the authors David Mitchell and Audrey Niffengger who wrote Cloud Atlas and The Time Traveler's Wife (respectively). Their stories jump back and forth in the timeline and I've always wanted to try something similar. The challenge of trying to do this with a short story is a formidable one. I think I pulled it off but only by the skin of my teeth. This type of structure, by its very nature, creates some level of confusion on the part of the reader till they acquaint themselves with what the author is doing; thus, I used the blue formatting to alert the reader when a setting change was taking place as did Niffengger and Mitchell.

Corporal Kotako tells Sgt. Matteo that he once ate a Baby Ruth candy bar, he is also aware of the song 'Boats Sail On The Rivers'. The reader is not told how he knows of this song but the suggestion represented by the candy bar and the song is that somewhere in his history he has been made to be acquainted with bits of Western culture. I cannot believe that you actually looked up the song *LOL* I really did this out of my own, anal, predisposition for historical accuracy. Having gone this far I am sure you noted that the song Corporal Kokako taught his daughter differs from the original song, the lyrics of which were taken from the poem by Christina Rossetti (1830 -1895). This was to symbolize that Kotako had only brushed upon Western culture but much like his broken English was not steeped in it. Borrowing yet another page from David Mitchell I will refer you to one of his novels, The Thousand Autumns Of Jacob de Zoat. This is a novel I think YOU ESPECIALLY would really enjoy, 108. It is set in the time when the British and Dutch East India Companies were trying to get a foothold on Japanese trade. The Japanese resisted any change to their culture and quarantined the representatives of the European commissions to an island, not allowing them to intermingle any more than necessary to conduct their business with Japanese people. The implication in my story is that during this period small portions of Western culture seeped into the Japanese mainstream much as it does in Mitchell's novel.

The lesson of my story is to show that some people we automatically assume are good may not be and some who we might consider evil also may not be.

Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. - John 15:13

I do not agree. There is a greater love.

Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his enemy. - Corporal Katsu Kotako

Glad you liked it 108 !

AuntShecky
10-02-2014, 05:29 PM
I finally had a chance to read this and I do understand the time and effort it must have taken you to compose it.

Because so many war stories have appeared since the end of WW II, there is always the danger of inadvertent influence from past works. If a writer's knowledge of the war primarily from movies he's seen or books he's read, then the work is (obviously) less authentic than direct experience. As an example of the latter, you can scarcely pick up an anthology from the past couple of decades that doesn't include Tim O'Brien's "The Things They Carried." The minute you start reading that work you know that the author actually saw combat in Vietnam. Rather than a straight memoir, however, the story is particularly moving through the artful use of a central metaphor. The result is thus a blend of personal recollection and artistic creativity. Of course, imagination is another crucial factor, and certainly we can see your imagination at full throttle in this work.

To me, the genre of war stories has three main sub categories-- the superpatriotic, almost jingoistic
gung ho stance of the John Wayne movies; the sentimental view of the impact of the war upon both the battlefront and the home front a la The Best Years of Our Lives; and the relatively recent (since the 1960s) satiric novelists such as Kurt Vonnegut, whose Slaughter-House Five is like your story, "unstuck in time" and Joseph Heller's Catch-22, which changed everything. A briliiant yet often overlooked short story in this category is "Defender of the Faith" by the great Philip Roth. The first category
served to build support for the war effort, whereas the last two in their distinctive ways express why "war is hell."

I'm trying to place your story into one of the categories. I think it fits squarely in the middle category in its emotional appeal, exploring the effect of the war upon two soldiers from opposing sides as well as the farther reaching impact upon later generations. In a way your story reminded me of the two companion movies about Iwo Jima by Clint Eastwood -- Flags of Our Fathers and Letters from Iwo Jima, one from the American point of view (including the sad story of Ira Hayes) and the other from the Japanese point of view. Although I wasn't overly impressed by Eastwood's direction in those miovies -- like yours fooly is a cinematic expert!-- but found the emotions in the film to be heartfelt.

And that's the overall impression of your story --that it was heartfelt. My favorite scene was how the American soldier reacted when his companion killed the Japanese-- it rang true.

If you get a chance, please read the aforementioned Tim O'Brien and Philip Roth stories. Hope you can find them easily!

Auntie

PS -- I forgot to mention a wonderful movieI recently caught on Turner Classic Movies about how the war affected individual lives : Bridge to the Sun, starring Carroll Baker as an American wife of a Japanese diplomat in the midst of World War II. Evidently it is based on a true story and I highly recommend it. Touches on similar themes as your story, of course in a different way.

DATo
10-02-2014, 10:09 PM
Thanks so much for your comments Auntie. Always worth waiting for.

Since it seems your post has resurrected this story from total oblivion I am fairly confident that I will, with this post, be closing the discussion by saying; there was a real Vincent, Joseph, rifle ... and you already know "Uncle Paul". No doubt, somewhere in Japan there really is (or was) a real family as represented by "Sachiko".

EDIT: I have already seen all of the movies you mentioned in your post and I've made a note of the books you've recommended. I'll definitely look for them.

DickZ
10-03-2014, 12:34 PM
Great story, DATo. It was a distinct pleasure to read, especially when compared to most of the postings here - very well organized and written. While I've done a lot of reading, I don't remember coming across very many stories that showed how two men on opposite sides came to touch each other in the war, and each other's families back at home.

Hawkman
10-04-2014, 06:25 AM
Hi DAto: I've read this three times now and have given some thought to what works and what doesn't.

The plot and theme of the tale are, as has been observed, engaging, if not entirely original. I too made the connection with Letters from Iwo Jima and Flags of Our Fathers. However, The sylistic layout actually reminded me of Eric Van Lustbader's The Ninja, The Miko, Shan and Jian. This is primarily because of the device of switching between timeframes, which he employed extensively. However, on these occasions the passages were much, much longer as a result of these novels being two-inch thick airport thriller fodder. I'm not entirely convinced that the device works in a short story, where what are effectively episodic snapshots, give insufficient time for the reader to engage with the characters. This is particularly the case with Kotako and his daughter. I agree with Auntie that the scene between Vincent and Kotako is the most vivid and "real". My personal feeling is that making the the individual stories longer segments would definitely enhance the reading experience. As it stands there is too much chopping and changing between timeframes. This is particularly noticeable when you introduce Sachiko at the end of Chapter 1 in a single paragraph. You then proceed to chapter 2 and hop back to Vincent in 1944. Quite frankly, this Sahciko paragraph is in the wrong place. Much better to add it to the section dealing with her in chapter 2.

I'm also a little concerned about the "authors message" caption (a la What's New Pussycat) flashing above this bit: "Explain to them how even in the hell of war there is often to be found mercy and gallantry. Unfortunately there will never be enough of it to offset the evil of war, but perhaps just enough to offer some measure of hope for our sad human condition."

One is reminded of, though not quite as nauseated by, James Coburn's little speech in Cross of Iron where in the middle of a battle he pauses and pontificates on the evils of war.

There is something that bothers me a bit about the relationship between "Uncle Paul", Vincent and Joseph. Is uncle Paul a maternal uncle? He doesn't really read as such. Consequently the line, "He didn’t even tell his own brothers. I really don’t know why he even told me, but he did, and now, at his request, I must tell you." comes over as confusing. If he wouldn't tell his own brothers, why would he tell his wife's? Is "Uncle" an honorific title for a family friend? if so I think this needs elaborating.

I also think it's a mistake to chop to Sachiko at this point. You have provided a perfect segue into the story of the rifle and then then you take us somewhere else. I feel this is a mistake, as it disrupts the narrative sequence.

There are only a couple of awkward sentences in the piece which grab my attention: "In addition to knowing that his present duty was a worthless waste of time..." a bit tautologous, and "After the war the military records proved very difficult from which to obtain information even of his posting." which I think you could find a more elegant way of expressing.

Lastly, I'm not convinced by the opening paragraph. I know I'm not an American, but as an ex serviceman it feels... well a bit tame really. Sort of bowdlerised and prettified for a younger audience.

To summarise then, my biggest problem with the piece is in the presentation, the story itself is sound and engaging, and for the most part, vividly and sensitively portrayed, but reading it is a bit like assembling a jigsaw from very small pieces.

Live and be well - H

DATo
10-04-2014, 06:39 AM
Great story, DATo. It was a distinct pleasure to read, especially when compared to most of the postings here - very well organized and written. While I've done a lot of reading, I don't remember coming across very many stories that showed how two men on opposite sides came to touch each other in the war, and each other's families back at home.

Thank you so much for your kind words DickZ. I'm glad you liked it. Like many people who post stories here I write "just for the hell of it" and I harbor no false pretensions of being a real writer, but it is always spiritually elevating to know that my modest efforts have touched someone, somewhere in a positive way.

Once again, many thanks!

DATo
10-04-2014, 07:25 AM
Greetings Hawkman, and thank you so much for your reply and critique. It appears you and I think very much alike.

I am my own worst critic Hawkman and believe it or not I have already considered and castigated myself for almost every single item you have mentioned in your post, but I have a rule which I try not to break - once written I almost never rewrite any passages of my stories after they have been made public unless they contain an obvious inconsistency or an historical error - even when I know that some of the contents reek to high Heaven. I sort of consider it cheating in a way.

Uncle Paul, as you have logically deduced, is Joseph Matteo's maternal uncle. The "Uncle Paul" character explains that he was given the responsibility of passing the rifle on because he was much younger than Vincent's own brothers and would probably outlive them, thus assuring that Joseph would get the rifle and hear the story when he became a grown man. Let it suffice to say that this was one story Vincent did not want to relate to his children personally, perhaps because he was ashamed, despite his own deportment at the time of the event, that he had been in any way a part of what had happened.

The individual vignettes are indeed short. You are correct to say that they would be better served in a novel. The challenge was to attempt to make this work in a short story. I did the best I could without turning the story into an epic tome which would tax the patience of the short story aficionados who visit this site, but I agree, it does seem choppy.

The opening part of the story may not have resonated well with you and perhaps did seem "bowdlerized" but I assure you that this part of the story happened in real life exactly as I described it (as related to me by Vincent himself). You must remember that this was a different time in history and the ethos of those times differed in many ways from the ways in which we live and behave today. Oftentimes just the opposite occurs and writers inject recently coined phrases and mannerisms into historical pieces which grate upon an informed reader's literary sensitivities. The corniness we find in those old black and white movies was natural to its time and well-recieved in its day.

The two paragraphs above are the only viable rebuttals I can offer - you are 100% correct in your other criticisms of my writing with regard to this story.

Thank you for replying and thank you even more for the criticisms you've pointed out. They have served to validate my own criticisms.

EDIT:

One thing more ...

You may find it interesting to know that the scene on the beach during the air raid happened exactly as told. It was one of my brother-in-law's favorite stories.

Hawkman
10-04-2014, 08:16 AM
Hi DAto, and thanks for your response. I can sympathise with your attitude towards amendments! However, I do try to sort out awkwardly worded bits, and of course, typos. I made the mistake of getting a historical detail wrong in one of my stories on here, but it involved a substantial rewrite so I compromised and put in an explanation at the end :D I did, however, rewrite my original to sort out the bugbears.

I hear what you're saying about past and present sensibilities vis that opening paragraph. Two things you mention explain your reasons succinctly, but If I might suggest, adhering rigidly to the truth (as received in anecdote) doesn't necessarily mean that in a piece of writing it reads with sufficient drama or contextual veritas. My father, who was in bombers, never swore in front of me until I was 45 years old, largely because I didn't see much of him from the time I was 16 until I was 45, but it didn't mean that he couldn't swear like a trooper when he felt he was allowed to! There is room for creativity on the author's part to make it more convincing. Yes, the public perception was filtered through the censorship of the media, but the reality wasn't so far removed from contemporary sensibilities. Interestingly, it has emerged in recent memoirs that all those battle of Britain fighter pilots, who in the movies were occasionally allowed to say, "Tally ho!" actually swore like dockers in the middle of dog-fights, live, over the air, remembered vividly by the girl controllers monitoring their frequencies! The fact that you say Vincent told his brother-in-law (a much younger man) presumably some time closer to the events described, may also account for a degree of censorship on his part, leaving the moment feeling a bit weak many years later. However, this is speculation on my part. After all, it's your story. By the by, I'm not actually advocating that you pepper the narrative with f words... I think it's more that you're trying to cram too much information into one relatively short speech. Perhaps if the LT made a starker announcement and the passage was broken up with questions from the men it could work more dramatically. Just a thought.

I wish to explain my remark about the author's message, which doesn't read as very courteous. The point I'm making is that you have already shown us the sentiment expressed by Uncle Paul. I feel we don't really need to be told as well.

Lastly, I found the description of the men's reaction to the air raid entirely convincing. I was a nice touch, and I can see it happening! I'm not surprised to learn that it was true.

Live and be well - H