Is Shakespeare Better Than Taking a Good Poop?

[WolfLarsen]

Is Shakespeare Better Than Taking a Good Poop?
Some thoughts by Wolf Larsen

Is Shakespeare better than taking a good poop? I think it depends. I do believe that Shakespeare's plays are better than taking a good poop. Shakespeare's plays are excellent. His writing style in his plays is very good, but that's not surprising, since he wrote so many plays he had lots of practice. However, one of my criticisms of Shakespeare's plays is that his writing style is very repetitive. He is a one trick pony.

When it comes to Shakespeare's sonnets – I think that taking a good poop is better than Shakespeare's sonnets. I believe that Shakespeare's sonnets are overrated.

[HCabret]

Karl Marx is poop.

[grigioverde]

I like Shakespeare's sonnets more than Petrarca's (that I love), and I'm italian. They, even having few subjets hare paradoxical various with excellent musicality.

[Marbles]

Is Shakespeare Better Than Taking a Good Poop?
Some thoughts by Wolf Larsen

Is Shakespeare better than taking a good poop? I think it depends. I do believe that Shakespeare's plays are better than taking a good poop. Shakespeare's plays are excellent. His writing style in his plays is very good, but that's not surprising, since he wrote so many plays he had lots of practice. However, one of my criticisms of Shakespeare's plays is that his writing style is very repetitive. He is a one trick pony.

When it comes to Shakespeare's sonnets – I think that taking a good poop is better than Shakespeare's sonnets. I believe that Shakespeare's sonnets are overrated.

Okay.

[WolfLarsen]

And Now for the Great Debate: Shakespeare Versus a Good Poop – Which is Better?
a literary debate hosted by Wolf Larsen

"Welcome to the our first annual literary debate, where we discuss the burning issues that obsess us all. I Wolf Larsen will be your host this evening. This year's topic is: ‘Is Shakespeare better than taking a good poop?’

Our first debater this evening is Sir Alford Engosexyhunki, who is Professor of English at Cumalot University. Our second debater is a man sitting on the toilet.

"We have three judges presiding over the debate today. They are Genghis Khan, Bozo the clown, and a dog.

And now our first debater, Sir Alford Engosexyhunki, will present his side of the debate – is Shakespeare better than taking a good poop?"

Sir Alford Angosexyhunki begins: "William Shakespeare was born in Detroit in 1953. At first, William Shakespeare was African-American, but later he changed his ethnic identity to Chinese. As a Chinese acrobat and champion nose picker, William Shakespeare was intimately involved in the 20th century classical music of the Sexual Revolution. Later, when the sexual revolution was ended by the marriage of Gloria Steinem with Jerry Falwell, William Shakespeare decided to practice his 20th century classical music by flipping hamburgers at McDonald's. William Shakespeare was soon awarded the Nobel Peace Prize in Literature for his superior hamburger flipping skills. William Shakespeare's hamburger skills while reciting Cubist poetry resulted in Shakespeare being knighted by the Queen of Amsterdam's red light district. When Shakespeare later graduated from the Abstract-Impressionist Academy of Belly Button Studies he was valedictorian, and was awarded a degree in BSing, magnum condoms cuming alot.

"Part of the greatness of William Shakespeare is that he can write plays and poetry with specially imported goose dung from the exotic Southside of Chicago, where due to global warming goose dung is now in ample supply. There have been many imitators of William Shakespeare's goose dung literature, but none have surpassed the great bard. However, Julius Caesar of Nigeria has come close. And for all the reasons I've given and many many more Shakespeare is greater than taking a good dump!"

Camera shows all the Penguins in Antarctica clapping with much enthusiasm. In addition, some drunks & heroin addicts in a nearby flophouse watching on television are also clapping.

Wolf Larsen comes to the microphone and begins: "And now it's time to hear from the other side of the great debate regarding Shakespeare versus a good poop. It's now time to hear from the man taking a poop!"

Enthusiastic applause from the audience as the camera focuses on a man sitting on the toilet with a newspaper in his hands. The man looks into the camera and says: "I love to take a good dump! Even more than that, I love a good shag! But I do have a copy of Shakespeare's sonnets here in case I run out of toilet paper!"

Camera shows all the members of the United States Congress – on both sides of the aisle – give a standing ovation.

Wolf Larsen speaks: "And now it is time for us to consult the judges!

First we go to Genghis Khan. Genghis Khan what is your opinion about today's debate?"

Genghis Khan stands up and says: "Invade! Invade the whorehouses on Mars! Invade the clouds! Kill all the men and take all the women into your arms until you have achieved the bliss of correct grammatical structure! Invade invade invade! Invade all the McDonald's restaurants! Invade England from the moon!"

Camera shows all the members of Parliament of a former Soviet country taking a brief timeout from their fist brawling to applaud Genghis Khan's opinion, and then the members of Parliament go back to brawling again.

Wolf Larsen speaks into the microphone: "And now it's time to listen to our second judge, Bozo the clown.

Bozo the clown says: "I like to bing the moon with my 10,000 penises in my ear! And now I will show you all my buttocks! Because it's time for poetry! It's time for Bozo the clown's great statement on Shakespearean literature!"

Bozo the clown unzips his pants, bends over, and moons the audience and the television cameras. Everybody watching throughout the world applauds enthusiastically.

When the applause from around the world dies down Wolf Larsen speaks: "We were going to hear from our third judge, the dog, but apparently there was a misunderstanding. You see, we are holding this contest in Cambodia, and there was a misunderstanding amongst the kitchen staff and..."

Camera shows waiters bringing out platters of delicious-looking meat.

"Well, the bad news is our third judge is no longer with us. But the good news is there's plenty of meat for all! Reader, would you care to join us?"

Copyright 2014 by Wolf Larsen

[HCabret]

And Now for the Great Debate: Shakespeare Versus a Good Poop – Which is Better?
a literary debate hosted by Wolf Larsen

"Welcome to the our first annual literary debate, where we discuss the burning issues that obsess us all. I Wolf Larsen will be your host this evening. This year's topic is: ‘Is Shakespeare better than taking a good poop?’

Our first debater this evening is Sir Alford Engosexyhunki, who is Professor of English at Cumalot University. Our second debater is a man sitting on the toilet.

"We have three judges presiding over the debate today. They are Genghis Khan, Bozo the clown, and a dog.

And now our first debater, Sir Alford Engosexyhunki, will present his side of the debate – is Shakespeare better than taking a good poop?"

Sir Alford Angosexyhunki begins: "William Shakespeare was born in Detroit in 1953. At first, William Shakespeare was African-American, but later he changed his ethnic identity to Chinese. As a Chinese acrobat and champion nose picker, William Shakespeare was intimately involved in the 20th century classical music of the Sexual Revolution. Later, when the sexual revolution was ended by the marriage of Gloria Steinem with Jerry Falwell, William Shakespeare decided to practice his 20th century classical music by flipping hamburgers at McDonald's. William Shakespeare was soon awarded the Nobel Peace Prize in Literature for his superior hamburger flipping skills. William Shakespeare's hamburger skills while reciting Cubist poetry resulted in Shakespeare being knighted by the Queen of Amsterdam's red light district. When Shakespeare later graduated from the Abstract-Impressionist Academy of Belly Button Studies he was valedictorian, and was awarded a degree in BSing, magnum condoms cuming alot.

"Part of the greatness of William Shakespeare is that he can write plays and poetry with specially imported goose dung from the exotic Southside of Chicago, where due to global warming goose dung is now in ample supply. There have been many imitators of William Shakespeare's goose dung literature, but none have surpassed the great bard. However, Julius Caesar of Nigeria has come close. And for all the reasons I've given and many many more Shakespeare is greater than taking a good dump!"

Camera shows all the Penguins in Antarctica clapping with much enthusiasm. In addition, some drunks & heroin addicts in a nearby flophouse watching on television are also clapping.

Wolf Larsen comes to the microphone and begins: "And now it's time to hear from the other side of the great debate regarding Shakespeare versus a good poop. It's now time to hear from the man taking a poop!"

Enthusiastic applause from the audience as the camera focuses on a man sitting on the toilet with a newspaper in his hands. The man looks into the camera and says: "I love to take a good dump! Even more than that, I love a good shag! But I do have a copy of Shakespeare's sonnets here in case I run out of toilet paper!"

Camera shows all the members of the United States Congress – on both sides of the aisle – give a standing ovation.

Wolf Larsen speaks: "And now it is time for us to consult the judges!

First we go to Genghis Khan. Genghis Khan what is your opinion about today's debate?"

Genghis Khan stands up and says: "Invade! Invade the whorehouses on Mars! Invade the clouds! Kill all the men and take all the women into your arms until you have achieved the bliss of correct grammatical structure! Invade invade invade! Invade all the McDonald's restaurants! Invade England from the moon!"

Camera shows all the members of Parliament of a former Soviet country taking a brief timeout from their fist brawling to applaud Genghis Khan's opinion, and then the members of Parliament go back to brawling again.

Wolf Larsen speaks into the microphone: "And now it's time to listen to our second judge, Bozo the clown.

Bozo the clown says: "I like to bing the moon with my 10,000 penises in my ear! And now I will show you all my buttocks! Because it's time for poetry! It's time for Bozo the clown's great statement on Shakespearean literature!"

Bozo the clown unzips his pants, bends over, and moons the audience and the television cameras. Everybody watching throughout the world applauds enthusiastically.

When the applause from around the world dies down Wolf Larsen speaks: "We were going to hear from our third judge, the dog, but apparently there was a misunderstanding. You see, we are holding this contest in Cambodia, and there was a misunderstanding amongst the kitchen staff and..."

Camera shows waiters bringing out platters of delicious-looking meat.

"Well, the bad news is our third judge is no longer with us. But the good news is there's plenty of meat for all! Reader, would you care to join us?"

Copyright 2014 by Wolf Larsenthe difference between you and bozo, is that while bozo allows people to freely think however they want, you try to force your personal thoughts on everyone else and continually get butt hurt about people resisting your attempts at authoritarian rule over art and poetry.

[illiterati]

the difference between you and bozo, is that while bozo allows people to freely think however they want, you try to force your personal thoughts on everyone else and continually get butt hurt about people resisting your attempts at authoritarian rule over art and poetry.

it's sad to me how often people reply in this way to larsen's work.

at least he's doing something different.

[HCabret]

it's sad to me how often people reply in this way to larsen's work.

at least he's doing something different.
No one is above criticism. Freedom of speech is absolute. If i want to ryhme, ill ryhme. I dont like when people tell me what to do.

[Lykren]

it's sad to me how often people reply in this way to larsen's work.

at least he's doing something different.

I never thought doing something differently automatically meant doing it better.

[illiterati]

No one is above criticism. Freedom of speech is absolute. If i want to ryhme, ill ryhme. I dont like when people tell me what to do.

HCabret--Wolf, despite his strong views, has shown a commitment to charitable discourse. He's trying to start a conversation; you're being petty.

Lykren--my criticism was of the vitriol of several respondents, both here and in other threads. Whether or not what Wolf is doing is better, there's no room for that kind of ad hominem attack in a serious intellectual community. It's repulsive--far more obscene than anything Wolf writes.

[HCabret]

HCabret--Wolf, despite his strong views, has shown a commitment to charitable discourse. He's trying to start a conversation; you're being petty.he's threatened to cut off other people's penises on more than one occasion for the heinous crime of expressing one's self in a manner contradictory to how he believes should be done.


Lykren--my criticism was of the vitriol of several respondents, both here and in other threads. Whether or not what Wolf is doing is better, there's no room for that kind of ad hominem attack in a serious intellectual community. It's repulsive--far more obscene than anything Wolf writes.this is an internet forum, not a scholastic institution. Cats rule here, not intelligent human beings. I am simply following Wolf's lead and vandalizing and destroying literature written by those whom i disagree with. As much as Wolf doesn't like Milton or Shakespeare, i don't like him.

[illiterati]

he's threatened to cut off other people's penises on more than one occasion for the heinous crime of expressing one's self in a manner contradictory to how he believes should be done.

this is an internet forum, not a scholastic institution. Cats rule here, not intelligent human beings. I am simply following Wolf's lead and vandalizing and destroying literature written by those whom i disagree with. As much as Wolf doesn't like Milton or Shakespeare, i don't like him.

Here's the difference: Wolf made a broad, inclusive, clearly bombastic claim about castrating for the crime of rhyme in a manifesto-like creative text, but when an individual (YesNo) challenged him on it, he was quick to direct it away from actual people or members of the site. He's not personally attacking individuals--in fact he pretty consistently responds in a way that tries to direct the conversation back to the ideas.

You, on the other hand, along with several other respondents in various threads, characteristically do the opposite: shut down the conversation by directing it away from the ideas and towards personal attack.

An intellectual community is wherever two or more come together to prize inquiry over self-regard--good luck finding that as general practice in most scholastic institutions.

If you'd really like to follow Wolf's lead, try some basic conversation etiquette.

[HCabret]

Here's the difference: Wolf made a broad, inclusive, clearly bombastic claim about castrating for the crime of rhyme in a manifesto-like creative text, but when an individual (YesNo) challenged him on it, he was quick to direct it away from actual people or members of the site.thats doesn't take away the fact that he said it. Im against castrating anyone for any reason. Physically, metaphorically, or otherwise.


He's not personally attacking individuals--in fact he pretty consistently responds in a way that tries to direct the conversation back to the ideas.like comparing me to Joseph McCarthy for criticizing his ideas on socialism/communism? Sounds personal to me. Just saying.


You, on the other hand, along with several other respondents in various threads, characteristically do the opposite: shut down the conversation by directing it away from the ideas and towards personal attack.and i will continue in the same fashion as i have until if i spontaneously change my mind. As i have said before: freedom of speech is an absolute.


An intellectual community is wherever two or more come together to prize inquiry over self-regard--good luck finding that as general practice in most scholastic institutions.i don't think i want this to be a place like that. This a place for art, not politics.


If you'd really like to follow Wolf's lead, try some basic conversation etiquette.its not my fault i have a wide set vagina.

[illiterati]

thats doesn't take away the fact that he said it. Im against castrating anyone for any reason. Physically, metaphorically, or otherwise.

like comparing me to Joseph McCarthy for criticizing his ideas on socialism/communism? Sounds personal to me. Just saying.

and i will continue in the same fashion as i have until if i spontaneously change my mind. As i have said before: freedom of speech is an absolute.

i don't think i want this to be a place like that. This a place for art, not politics.

its not my fault i have a wide set vagina.

OK well at least now y're being funny.

Couple of points -- actually, freedom of speech isn't ABSOLUTE absolute anywhere, and certainly not here. Not that I think yours should be restricted. But it does tend to shut down a conversation.

And help me understand how trying to understand and engage with each other honestly and charitably is somehow about politics? That's the antithesis of politics.

[HCabret]

OK well at least now y're being funny.

Couple of points -- actually, freedom of speech isn't ABSOLUTE absolute anywhere, and certainly not here. Not that I think yours should be restricted. But it does tend to shut down a conversation.i think i pretty obviously disagree with you on this one. Go and burn all the copies of mien kampf you can find. My local public library has several copies.


And help me understand how trying to understand and engage with each other honestly and charitably is somehow about politics? That's the antithesis of politics.art is about weirdness and innovation and creation. Theres no reason or logic to it. This is. Ot a debate forum, it a lit forum. Everything written here is art.

[illiterati]

i think i pretty obviously disagree with you on this one. Go and burn all the copies of mien kampf you can find. My local public library has several copies.

art is about weirdness and innovation and creation. Theres no reason or logic to it. This is. Ot a debate forum, it a lit forum. Everything written here is art.

You don't actually want a community that doesn't care about charitable discourse. You want a community where making an honest attempt to engage and understand is the norm. That goes for an aesthetic community just as much as an intellectual one (some of us don't distinguish between the two).

As to the first part, I wasn't debating a principle, but describing a reality. There are checks on certain kinds of speech in any society. In this particular society of internet cats with wide set vaginas, it doesn't take much to get yanked. I personally have been banned (sometimes temporarily) from three different forums, often for things I thought, at the time, were relatively innocuous.

[HCabret]

You don't actually want a community that doesn't care about charitable discourse. You want a community where making an honest attempt to engage and understand is the norm. That goes for an aesthetic community just as much as an intellectual one (some of us don't distinguish between the two).understand? Is it possible to understand art? Or that even the point in the first place?


As to the first part, I wasn't debating a principle, but describing a reality. There are checks on certain kinds of speech in any society. In this particular society of internet cats with wide set vaginas, it doesn't take much to get yanked. I personally have been banned (sometimes temporarily) from three different forums, often for things I thought, at the time, were relatively innocuous.stop trying to make fetch a thing.

[illiterati]

understand? Is it possible to understand art? Or that even the point in the first place?

stop trying to make fetch a thing.

You lost me.

[HCabret]

You lost me.
Everyone is lost but me.

[WolfLarsen]

Shakespeare Experiences Technical Difficulties
a something-or-another by Wolf Larsen

Shakespeare was sitting in the audience watching one of his plays. Suddenly, a spaceship crashes through the ceiling and lands on stage. Out steps a space alien, and he stands in the middle of the stage and screams, "Shakespeare is a Meow-ist!"

Immediately, Shakespeare stood up and yelled, "get out of my play! Get off the stage! What the hell are you doing?!"

But instead of getting off the stage the space alien screamed as he pointed at Shakespeare, "but he threatened me with castration! He's a Meow-ist! And the Meow-ists want to castrate us all!"

That's when some space aliens in white jackets ran on stage chasing after the first space alien. The first space alien began running everywhere as the other space aliens in white jackets chased after him. The space alien was screaming: "Shakespeare is a Meow-ist! Shakespeare is a Meow-ist! He wants to castrate us all!"

Suddenly, a boat crashed through the wall. A bunch of shirtless gay men from Fire Island jumped off the boat and began a happy homoerotic cha-cha-cha dance on stage. All the shirtless gay men were singing: "IT'S FUN TO GO TO THE YMCA! IT'S FUN TO GO TO THE YMCA!"

Shakespeare was livid with anger. He screamed: "get the **** off my stage! Get out of my play all of you!"

That's when the doorbell sounded. Shakespeare went to open the door. There are two nicely dressed people standing there.

Shakespeare said, "I'm sorry, we're experiencing technical difficulties with the play. Can you come back tomorrow?"

The two nicely dressed people said, "We're Jehovah's censored. We would like to give you a lobotomy. Do you have a moment?"

Shakespeare felt his stomach go bad. He left the two people standing there and went to the bathroom. He began reading the newspaper as he sat on the toilet.

Suddenly, the door opened. And the space alien ran into the bathroom and pointed at Shakespeare, "you're a Meow-ist! Don't you dare castrate me!"

Shakespeare screamed, "get the hell out of here! Leave me alone!"

That's when the two Jehovah's censored walked into the bathroom behind the space alien and greeted Shakespeare sitting on the toilet. The two Jehovah censored said in unison: "Hi! Do you have a moment? We'd like to tell you about our friend. He lives in the clouds above the sky. He phrase censored."

That's when Shakespeare grabbed the space alien and he phrase censored and the space alien landed on the moon. On the moon all by himself the space alien screamed: "Shakespeare is a Meow-ist! He wants to castrate everybody! I will not stand for this violence!"

Shakespeare wiped his rear end while the Jehovah's censored told him the beautiful word of their friend in the sky. Shakespeare carefully washed his hands, and then since there were no paper towels he dried his hands on one of the nice pressed shirts of one of the Jehovah's censored.

Shakespeare went downstairs to see how the play was going. There was now a homoerotic orgy on stage. (AIDS did not exist yet.) Michelangelo was painting the orgy on the ceiling. Some of the play's attendees had assembled in a mob below the painter and they were screaming at Michelangelo: "that's pornographic! That's vulgar! Such indecency cannot be tolerated!"

Michelangelo tried to address the mob, to explain things to him, that he was only painting what his creativity drove him to paint, but he could not make himself heard. Suddenly, Michelangelo grew frustrated and unzipped his pants, pulled out his penis, and then he began urinating on the mob of angry screaming people that had assembled below him.

The mob suddenly surrounded Shakespeare and began shouting abuse at him, and demanding their money back.

Meanwhile, the space alien on the moon kept screaming, "Shakespeare is a Meow-ist! He will castrate us all!"

And then the Jehovah's censored came up to Shakespeare and said, "would you like that lobotomy now?"

Shakespeare walked out of door with the mob following quickly behind. They were all taunting him, and demanding their money back.

Shakespeare jumped into a cab and got away from them. The cab drove up a volcanic mountain in Guatemala and left Shakespeare off at the top. Shakespeare contemplated the sunset. It was the most beautiful sunset he had ever seen.

Copyright 2014 by Wolf Larsen

[WolfLarsen]

WARNING: THE FOLLOWING POST MAY BE OF UPSETTING TO READERS WITH A MORE PURITANICAL AND/OR RELIGIOUS SENSIBILITY, AND THEREFORE SHOULD BE READ BY NOBODY! Thank you for your understanding.

from the 1,643 page book of literary criticism:
A Bunch of Bull**** that Nobody Gives a **** About
by Sir Charles Cunnilingus III, Poofezzer of Inglish, Olxsocks University (a.k.a. Wolf Larsen)

Shakespeare, is to lollipops, what orgasms are to fish. To prove this hypotheses I have studied all of the marijuana leaves in the Northern California mountains, and I have come to the conclusion that Shakespeare is really the son of one of Salvador Dali's dreams.

This shocking discovery, along with all the toads on my roof barking & barking at the clouds floating on by, is exactly why we need to eat more delirious adjectives spreading across the landscape, as delirious adjectives spreading across the landscape will save Inglish literature from invasions of hordes of oversexed space aliens. Now, about my hemorrhoids, my hemorrhoids are what kite flying is to Elizabethan literature what gunshots are to Swiss cheese. Anybody familiar with Aleut literature (in comparison to Elizabethan literature) prior to the Middle Ages can testify to this, particularly if their two eggs come with a big Polish sausage.

As Elizabethan spaceships became more common amongst Martian orgies, Shakespearean rap music became the true source of inspiration and communication for frogs, especially the frogs in your medicine cabinet. This is why John Milton could not possibly have married a surrealistic painting, as the latter was clearly implicated in the academic scandals of two eggs with a big Polish sausage during the Elizabethan era.

Oh the whim-bang-boom of the Elizabethan Era, especially where ziPity-quAck-meOw is concerned, as nobody can fOOooOOOOoop when their brains & thoughts are in their testicles. This is known as the academic theory of racecar driving while smoking pinKie-zitTy-Oink in literary criticism, which can be found at your local supermarket in the feminine hygiene section.

Once literary criticism and Shakespearean scholarship has advanced to the stage of atomic hamburger flipping, then we will truly understand the Elizabethan Era as being a time when doOm-dAngs and giant-surrealistic-dildo-machines were common, as common as giant 10 foot long cockroaches flying around your imagination. Of course, this is very controversial with dogs making Immaculate Conception in the streets of certain countries, where Shakespeare is known to wander around at night frequenting bordellos where the walls are being painted at this very moment by Lautrec, Modigliani, and Picasso.

But this brings to mind certain questions: do orangutans think of Shakespearean grilled cheese sandwiches when they're scratching their balls at academic conferences where everybody smears themselves with sexy Elizabethan literature? Does smearing sexy Shakespearean literature all over your naked body cause the sunlight to become as insane as baboons with humongous testicles? These, and other questions, will be answered in my next book, the 2,785 page long epic of literary criticism entitled: Some **** That Nobody Will Ever Bother to Read but Will Help My Academic Career.

Copyright 2014 by Wolf Larsen

[YesNo]

I am becoming more and more convinced, thanks in some part to your posts, that I should get off my butt and write that airplane novel.

I searched for how long adult fiction is supposed to be and I hear it should be 90K words, which I'll admit is longer than I wanted to write. I was aiming for something around 30K which is about where I stop in a book. From a profit perspective it should be better to sell three books of 30K words each rather than one of 90K words.

My friend, Alice, insists I put in three poems she wrote. Although I reminded her that this was a "novel", she reminded me it was still an imaginary novel and unless I think up some plot it won't even be that. Here's a poem she wants included. I'm thinking it would work best at the beginning of chapter 10:


Alice’s First Contribution to my Airplane Novel

Roses are red.
Violets won’t do.
If you've read this far,
No wonder you’re blue.

[WolfLarsen]

WARNING: THOSE WITH A PURITANICAL NATURE MAY FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE WITH THE FOLLOWING POST. Thank you for your understanding.

Wolf Larsen's Bookstore
a Why Not? By Wolf Larsen

It was gray outside. Dreary. Then the rain started coming down hard...

You saw a bookstore. One of the small bookstores. Normally, you wouldn't bother; airport novels, sleepy literary fiction, each book & each writer practically the same as the next one. Endless monotony. You had stopped going to bookstores a long time ago. But the rain was starting to come down hard, and you are not dressed for it.

You opened the door of the bookstore and you're shocked: first of all there are naked & near-naked people all over the floor making love to each other. Then, a nearly-naked twenty-year old female in lingerie stands before you and says, "Welcome to Wolf Larsen's bookstore!" Standing next to her is a 20-year-old man with no shirt on. He's smiling at you. You can't decide which of the two you like the most.

"Feel free to browse the store," says the bare-shirted young man. He has a nice body with some muscles, but not too many. "All our books are three dollars! And browsing is free!" says the young lady cheerfully.

<Browsing could be fun!> you thought to yourself, looking at all the people making love on the very-clean-plush-carpeted floor. There were lots of pillows!

A stream of brightly-colored paint flowed through the middle of the bookstore. They are happy sensual colors! You can hear a waterfall somewhere – a waterfall in a bookstore?? It sounded so nice, so sensual, so soothing...

You picked up a book. The book started pulsating with life the moment you picked it up, and it changed color too! You opened the book, and suddenly butterflies & kangaroos & a deer jumped out the book! You began reading, and the words started floating around you as you read... The words took on so many colors and languages and... But it felt rather childish – it was a children's book.

You looked around you. You still couldn't get over all the couples making love around you. Some were sharing wives, or maybe they were sharing husbands. The books didn't seem to be organized in any way. They just lay about you everywhere. There was only one price for all the books: three dollars. A sign said: "two dollars of each book goes to the author, and one dollar goes to other expenses". The bookstore attendants – the attractive nearly-naked man & woman that had greeted you at the door – smiled at you in a way that seemed to say: "need anything?" You smiled back in a way that silently said, "I'm okay thank you!"

You wanted to explore this mystery fantasyland yourself!

You wandered around picking up books. Each book was different, no two were alike. One book you opened suddenly SCREAMED when you opened it up. Another book moaned & moaned when you opened it. Another book began laughing when you opened it! Another book was drum beats and penises and vaginas – all in tropical colors beckoning you further into the book!

You found some books repulsive – and you quickly put them down. But other books drew you in with open arms & open legs. Still other books flew you off into giant imaginations...

No two of these books were even remotely like! You could spend your whole life here in this little bookstore and never be bored!

Some books used conventional grammar. Other books had completely disposed of grammar. Other books used musical beats as grammar. Still other books used sexual moaning & sighs as grammar.

A sign on the wall said: "censorship not tolerated here!"

For the first time in years, you chose an arm full of books – as many as you could carry – and you bought them with enthusiasm, and without hardly making a dent in your wallet either. When you were purchasing the books you made a startling discovery: the bookstore attendants were robots!

"Come anytime!" said the attractive man & woman robots in unison. "We're open seven days a week 24 hours a day." They smiled.

"Mind if I join in the orgy before I go?" you asked.
"As long as your partner gives his or her consent it's fine!" said the woman robot smiling.
"Is there prostitution involved?" you asked.
"Oh no! Not here! Wolf Larsen's Bordello Bookstore is down the street – if that's your thing," said the woman robot. "This is Wolf Larsen's Free Love Bookstore – the love here is free."

You looked around you. The people on the floor making love appeared to be human. They had to be. There was no way you were going to be making love to some goddamn robot!

"Are you all human?" you asked. It was the strangest question you ever asked in your life – even stranger than the time you asked a bed partner if she or he were a man.
"I'm a human!" said a middle-aged woman in the crowd. She was very attractive.
"I'm a human too!" said a 25-year-old man in the crowd. He was also very attractive. He was a bottom, you could just tell.

Now he had to choose. Or did he? Why not have both of them?

Copyright 2014 by Wolf Larsen

[Eiseabhal]

Ah Mr Wolf what IS the time? Time for a laugh again methinketh.

[Insane4Twain]

Is wiping your a$$ with pages from Wolf Larsen's books better than using toilet paper?

[HCabret]

Is wiping your a$$ with pages from Wolf Larsen's books better than using toilet paper?

It burns a little(lot), but it gets the job done. I like reading them afterwards! Now that's vandalism!