Short, Short Story

[DATo]

Acceptance

By

DATo

Professor Halbert had little difficulty finding a substitute for his ten o’clock class. He had always obliged others in this regard and for the first time in his teaching career he was calling in a favor. His appointment with Doctor Barnes was concluded quickly and he now had a little extra time on his hands before his two o’clock lecture. Halbert decided to treat himself to a cappuccino and a bagel at Bernie’s Deli on the way back to the university.

"Pardon me. Can you tell me where the men’s lavatory is?"

"Certainly. Down the hall to your right.

"Thank you so much."

Halbert stood at the urinal, his face inches away from the gleaming marble wall. His eyes focused on a tiny pebble in the mortar between the panels of marble. Where would that pebble be in a hundred years he wondered, a thousand, a million years? What would be found where he now stood relieving himself? Would there be a desert wasteland or a thousand story skyscraper? He smiled to think that questions of this kind had probably been pondered by countless generations of people. Funny that he had never considered it before.

He walked slowly to the wash basin and rinsed his hands and then splashed cool water on his face which felt invigorating. The water brought forth the smell of his aftershave lotion. He remembered patting his face with the aftershave that morning and noticing as he did so a grey hair in his mustache. This time he laughed out loud. That was only two hours ago. Two hours. What the hell is time anyway? It could have been two hours, two minutes or two years ago.

Professor Halbert left the medical building and stepped into the most beautiful spring day he could ever remember. The temperature was mild and a slight breeze wafted the scent of lilac from the meticulously landscaped and flowering path which lined his way to the parking lot. Today John Halbert would not buckle his seat belt. He felt daring and adventurous. Was it the promise of the cappuccino or the smell of lilac which had triggered this swashbuckling attitude? He smiled once more, then chuckled aloud. Would there be enough time to get the dayroom his wife Janice had always wanted done by summer’s end? He began to count on his fingers: June, July, August yes, it could certainly be built before her birthday in September.

I like Doctor Barnes, Halbert concluded. He’s a straight shooter but he is also a poet. "Won’t be here for the holiday season." he had said. Halbert decided he liked that way of putting it; far more poetic than, You got eight months.

Professor Halbert decided to have loads of cream cheese on his bagel. He didn’t think Doctor Barnes would disapprove this time.

[Robert lynn]

This was very good,especially the work you put into Professor Halbert. His thoughts were put into play very well and the restroom break part helped to flesh him out and make him more interesting. Sadly though,i felt there wasn't much of a main event to build up too,it just felt like it went strait to the ending. I think it would have been better if you told about him searching for a substitute and was running out of time,and,or the appointment with Doctor Barnes.

[DATo]

Actually, Robert, it was YOUR story, 'My First Short Story', which inspired me to give this "event" idea a try on my own. This is why my story is shorter than my usual stories. It is a direct shot from an introduction to Halbert to his future demise. It is a bit of a challenge to try to compact a big idea into a very small story length. Thank you for giving me the idea. It was fun to give it a shot and see what I could do with it. Also, thank you for your kind words regarding my presentation of the "Halbert" character.

EDIT: As usual, I couldn't resist adding a twist ending. I must learn to resist the twist *LOL*.

[Robert lynn]

ah,i see,short,short story.I feel like an idiot. XD

[108 fountains]

Very enjoyable, DATo. Amazing that you could capture an entire emotional experience like this - and to do it it in detail (the aftershave lotion, the gray hair in the mustache, the scent of lilac, and the cream cheese) and with understated insight into the main character - in less than 500 words. I suspect the irony of writing this as a short, short story was intentional. Professor Halbert would approve.

[DATo]

Very enjoyable, DATo. Amazing that you could capture an entire emotional experience like this - and to do it it in detail (the aftershave lotion, the gray hair in the mustache, the scent of lilac, and the cream cheese) and with understated insight into the main character - in less than 500 words. I suspect the irony of writing this as a short, short story was intentional. Professor Halbert would approve.

Greetings, and thank you 108 !

I have been kicking around the premise of this story for some time. I'm glad I waited before writing it. Robert lynn's story, My First Short Story, prompted me to try something similar thus prompting me to cram a big idea into a very small space. I wrote this quite spontaneously and might have done a better job if I had taken more time. "Time" - that is the underlying motif of my story - Halbert's sudden awareness of time.

The title of the story is taken from what has been called "the five stages of grief": denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. It leaves open the question of whether or not Halbert has bypassed the first four stages or if he will visit them in reverse order.

Did you see the comment I left for your last story, A Sprig Of Lilac? I had been very busy and had not visited the forum for awhile. I only saw it recently.

[An11]

Really enjoyed the story. I lecture at a University in the UK and found myself mentally walking into the urinals, looking in the mirror...walking out on the car park and calling into the local cafeteria. Just started writing myself so hopefully I have more time left on this earth than Professor Halbert...........learning so much from pieces like yours. Thank you for sharing.

[DATo]

Really enjoyed the story. I lecture at a University in the UK and found myself mentally walking into the urinals, looking in the mirror...walking out on the car park and calling into the local cafeteria. Just started writing myself so hopefully I have more time left on this earth than Professor Halbert...........learning so much from pieces like yours. Thank you for sharing.

Thank you for the kind words An11. I have found this to be the best internet forum I have yet found for displaying one's short stories and I encourage you to submit some of your own projects. Your recent submission, The Letters Of LOVE, in my opinion, was a good start.

The criticisms I have received here regarding my own submissions have been spot-on correct in most instances thus enabling me to view my deficiencies as they appear through the eyes of other, like-minded writers. What better filter can one hope for? In addition to having a vehicle for feedback of my own writing this forum also offers an excellent and variegated compendium of writing by others which I always find a joy to read and experience. It never ceases to amaze me how far-ranging in scope, subject, and style have been the contributions I have read here.

I look forward to reading more of your work!

[AuntShecky]

I read this story yesterday but decided to hold off on a reply in order to give myself time to think about it. So from time to time today I did exactly that.

First, please do not construe the following comment to be in any way critical. Indeed, you have the basic mechanics of fiction writing down; thus there is nothing wrong with this story. Just a couple of things about it bother me.

Interesting you should mention the 5 Stages of Grief, because that's one of the points I considered. I wondered why your professor, upon hearing the bad news, skipped over the first four and went straight to "acceptance." No anger? In the same situation, I'd be mad as hell! After ranting and raving, I'd try to pull myself together to get a second opinion. My point is the acceptance comes pretty damn quick. He must be some kind of saint, your professor.

Another puzzling thing-- he made arrangements for a sub to take over the morning class from a colleague. Is this how it's done on college campuses? It's a bit informal, right? He didn't need to check in with the academic dean for the sub to be paid overtime? That's not the main issue, though. The professor had to have the morning class covered in order to go to the doc's appointment, but nonetheless planned to show up at his 2:00 class? That's some devotion to duty! If I were he,
I would have rushed right home, broke the bad news to the spouse, put my head on her shoulder, and cried. I'm almost certain the wife would prefer that he told her rather than worried about the dayroom.

Both of these concerns are probably moot, since this is such a short, short story, but they detract from the emotional impact of the situation (at least for me.) Instead of cursing his fate, or at least plunging into existential despair, we see your professor displaying exquisite serenity by noticing the little things in life (akin to "stopping to smell the roses") and ordering extra cream cheese on his bagel. No lox? If his time is limited, that's an extremely modest way to "live it up."

As I say, there's nothing at all wrong with this story. It's competently written. But from the pieces I read from you so far, I believe you have the ability to create greater things. So I'll repeat to you what I recently suggested to one of our fellow NitLetters -- kick it up a notch.

I'd say more, but it's just about time for Last Comic Standing.

Sincerely yours,
Auntie

[DATo]

Greetings Auntie !

I have worked for a university for the last 38 years and I assure you that at least at the one I work for it is possible for a professor to arrange for a sub to take his place for one morning class much the same as a doctor arranging for a sub to take his hospital rounds for one night. Individual departments within a university are, for the most part, autonomous islands and a dean would consider himself pestered to have to make such decisions. It is highly probable that Halbert would have selected a sub who had at one time taught the same course. Halbert would inform the sub of the points he was going to make in the course for that day and the sub would take it from there. There is no such thing as "overtime" in academia.

To answer another question: since this is a university a professor might teach a graduate class in the morning to a select group of graduate students and give a full blown lecture in the lecture hall with props (demonstration devices, charts etc) in the afternoon to a much larger body of undergraduates. The interesting point about the 2 o'clock lecture, as presented in the story, is that despite the news Halbert has received he intends to lecture anyway.

If you wonder why the professor bypassed the first four stages of grief then I have at least in part succeeded in what I was trying to accomplish. I am trying to stimulate as many circuits in the reader's mind with the fewest number of words. It was precisely my intention to provoke the question you have stated. Was Halbert's brain in denial or had he taken a philosophical view with regard to his plight much the same as Socrates did? Halbert even seems amused by the whole thing. The grey hair in his mustache which may have alarmed his egotistic sensitivities two hours ago is now a moot point, and his realization of this evokes a laugh. The whole point is that Halbert does NOT react the way you expect him to. Please explain to me how a writer can hope to create an interesting story if the reader gets exactly what he or she expects to get. It is precisely the original, the unexpected, even the shockingly-unusual or bizarre that stimulates the reader's interest.

Frankly, I thought I had blown the twist when describing Halbert's thoughts about the day room. "Would there be time ..." - I covered by stating "... BEFORE HER BIRTHDAY in September." Halbert, we may assume, is intent on keeping a promise before his demise.

As always, thank you for your thoughts and critique.

[AuntShecky]

[QUOTE=DATo;1267278]

I have worked for a university for the last 38 years and I assure you that at least at the one I work for it is possible for a professor to arrange for a sub to take his place for one morning class much the same as a doctor arranging for a sub to take his hospital rounds for one night. Individual departments within a university are, for the most part, autonomous islands and a dean would consider himself pestered to have to make such decisions. It is highly probable that Halbert would have selected a sub who had at one time taught the same course. Halbert would inform the sub of the points he was going to make in the course for that day and the sub would take it from there. There is no such thing as "overtime" in academia.

To answer another question: since this is a university a professor might teach a graduate class in the morning to a select group of graduate students and give a full blown lecture in the lecture hall with props (demonstration devices, charts etc) in the afternoon to a much larger body of undergraduates. The interesting point about the 2 o'clock lecture, as presented in the story, is that despite the news Halbert has received he intends to lecture anyway.
QUOTE]

The filling-in for a colleague was the way profs did it when I was in college way, way back when, just as you described. In the many decades since, however, things have changed, and the bureaucratic protocols are more like those of a public school district. Nowadays teaching at a college is hardly better than working for a public school district. Full and tenured professors (with contracts and yearly salaries) are becoming a vanishing breed. More and more colleges and universities are hiring --WHEN they are hiring--" instructors" rather than tenure-track professors. Look at the want ads. If you've seen any of the current listings for academics, the positions are often listed as "Part-time" or some crazy decimal configuration. So while they haven't as yet been reduced to hourly wage slaves, a la Walmart workers, many college teachers are at the mercy of the bursar. Picking up extra dough by subbing for a class might require clearance with the business office. But again, that's a moot point.


The whole point is that Halbert does NOT react the way you expect him to. Please explain to me how a writer can hope to create an interesting story if the reader gets exactly what he or she expects to get. It is precisely the original, the unexpected, even the shockingly-unusual or bizarre that stimulates the reader's interest.

You are 100% right about writing something that is original and unexpected and never before done. If it's not new, why bother? But within that realm we've got to retain some element of believability, plausibility, or that other $50 word -verisimilitude.

Your professor's reaction to impending doom is indeed "bizarre," but that fact alone neither intrigues nor grabs the reader's sympathy. (Well, this reader anyway.) His reaction --laughing over his earlier worry over gray hair and considering extra cream cheese on his bagel as living it up -- seems so low-key as to be bland. Yes, it's different from the so-called "expected" reaction, but it is like trying to hold back a tsunami with an umbrella.

I've seen too many people close to me go through this very situation and I'll tell you that the certainty of death is nothing to be taken so lightly. The platitude that death is a "natural part of life" is always uttered with exquisite abstraction. Your professor's "acceptance" is not human. I don't care who you are or how enlightened you may be-- Nobody is that strong.

E.M. Forster's famous advice about fiction "Only connect" refers (I think) to connecting the elements of the narrative together but also (I think) connecting to the reader. By that I DON'T mean reading only those works which validate our own prejudices or values or allow us to "identify" with the character, but rather to force us to see an aspect of the human condition which we all share but seldom express effectively. Yes, your professor is unusual, but I don't believe in him. I'm sorry.

And another thing is your writing, while competent and certainly light years better than what usually appears on a web page, is rather conventional. The ending, for instance, is way too "pat." Take some risks, not only with subject matter but with form. That's what I meant by "kick it up a notch."

My two replies seem blunt, I know, and I'm sorry for that. But the reason I'm spending so much time on this is that I truly believe you are capable of producing something great.

Sincerely,
Auntie

PS I'm still wondering why the Professor didn't get a second opinion.

[DATo]

Your professor's reaction to impending doom is indeed "bizarre," but that fact alone neither intrigues nor grabs the reader's sympathy.

There is no writing rule that I know of that says a writer must always attempt to evoke sympathy for his character(s). I never had any intention of provoking sympathy on the part of the reader with regard to Professor Halbert's plight. What I was attempting to do was show an "event" - a profound event - in a man's life and his reaction to it.


His reaction --laughing over his earlier worry over gray hair and considering extra cream cheese on his bagel as living it up -- seems so low-key as to be bland. Yes, it's different from the so-called "expected" reaction, but it is like trying to hold back a tsunami with an umbrella.

EXACTLY ! but he is not trying to hold back what he believes to be the inevitable by these actions. It was never my intention for the reader to assume this. This consideration is at the heart of the story and why it is called Acceptance. Now, WHY he is so accepting is a question for the reader to answer for herself. Perhaps in this isolated case the precursors to acceptance i.e. denial, anger, bargaining, depression have been switched off in his psyche. He is certainly not in denial. Or perhaps he has a stoic disposition which is capable of accepting the calamities of life bravely. Another consideration, one which I alluded to in an earlier response, is that he has not yet had time to fully assimilate the enormity doctor's prognosis.


I've seen too many people close to me go through this very situation and I'll tell you that the certainty of death is nothing to be taken so lightly. The platitude that death is a "natural part of life" is always uttered with exquisite abstraction. Your professor's "acceptance" is not human. I don't care who you are or how enlightened you may be-- Nobody is that strong.

You are profoundly wrong. All of the people who died at the Alamo had the choice to leave unharmed. The German officer who plotted the assassination of Hitler knew what his fate would be if he failed but did it anyway, and paid the price. Nathan Hale's only regret, as stated from the scaffold, was that he had only one life to give for his country. Shall I go on?

Granted - Halbert has no choice as the people above did but perhaps he is made of the same stuff. Further granted - Halbert is an exception and not the rule. There have been people on Death Row who have created art or spent their final days reading classic books. Does this mean that they did not take their future execution seriously? It is all about choices. Some will rage against the dying of the light and others have to be prompted to by their recalcitrant-to-fate sons.


Yes, your professor is unusual, but I don't believe in him. I'm sorry.

There was once a young man who had accomplished everything he had ever set out to do. He was married to the woman of his dreams, he had recently been accepted by an employer which assured his future financial success, he was loved by all who knew him and he reciprocated that love in many rivulets of word and deed. He was a young man who cannot be remembered without a smile on his face by all who knew him. And then one day he killed himself with a shotgun. This is not the premise of a future story ... it is fact. I knew that young man. I do not mean this disrespectfully Auntie, but I require no tutoring in believing the unusual. If we are observant we see the unusual occurring all around us each and every day.


And another thing is your writing, while competent and certainly light years better than what usually appears on a web page, is rather conventional. The ending, for instance, is way too "pat." Take some risks, not only with subject matter but with form. That's what I meant by "kick it up a notch."

I'm afraid I do not know what you mean Auntie, but I am eager to learn. Could you please give me an example of what I could have done with the ending? I seriously DO respect your opinion on this point.


My two replies seem blunt, I know, and I'm sorry for that. But the reason I'm spending so much time on this is that I truly believe you are capable of producing something great.

My responses may seem blunt as well but please know that I respect ALL opinions and take them all seriously. You do me both honor and service by responding to my stories and I would not intentionally offend you for the world but it is clear that we disagree on some points. I have attempted to explain my method in these posts but if you (or ANYONE) feels I have dropped the ball in my writing efforts then I have clearly not succeeded. I intend to revisit your comments and see how I could have rewritten this story more effectively. Many, many thanks !

[AuntShecky]

You are profoundly wrong.


All of the people who died at the Alamo had the choice to leave unharmed. The German officer who plotted the assassination of Hitler knew what his fate would be if he failed but did it anyway, and paid the price. Nathan Hale's only regret, as stated from the scaffold, was that he had only one life to give for his country. Shall I go on?

Hi DATo,
I concede that even today we have war heroes who sacrifice their own lives in order to save their buddies, and we commend them, rightfully so. They do this willingly, I grant you. At the risk of sounding obvious, though, I firmly believe that in the act of saving their comrades, if they could have also saved themselves, they would certainly have so. They did not intend to be "heroes," but weighing ends against means, they decided to do what they had to do, by "any means necessary." Yes it was a choice, but a choice no one really wants to make. Not even suicides.

The examples you gave are part of received wisdom, history as it is taught --part fact, part propaganda.
They remind me of a great line from the movie, The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance:
Ransom Stoddard: You're not going to use the story, Mr. Scott?
Maxwell Scott: No, sir. This is the West, sir. When the legend becomes fact, print the legend. [/QUOTE]

I'm afraid that I'm still convinced that, apart from saints and the profoundly disturbed, the body's natural instinction for self-preservation is such a powerful force that, unless it happens instantaneously as in an accident or a murder, it compels us to try to hang on until the last breath. In the case of terminal illness, death is a drawn -out siege of Ivan Ilyich type suffering. Death is inevitable and certain for every last one of us, but fortunately most of us don't know beforehand when or where, nor --as in your Professor's case--do we even get a ballpark figure of a time frame. I suspect that knowing that death is imminent must carry a special kind of sorrow, which could have been addressed but wasn't apparent in your story.

As I said before, I've seen two many loved ones die before my eyes. I do wonder, if the poor souls had been conscious, they would have been dragged away kicking and screaming. I know I would have! When the person slips away during a coma, death steps in so quietly that we delude ourselves into believing that she died "peacefully." Our grief is so painful that we try to convince ourselves that the poor soul serenely "accepted" her end as-a "natural part of life"--that cold abstraction, again! In our distress, we announce, "She's in a better place" or "At last, her suffering is over." These bloodless platitudes are feeble stabs at making ourselves feel better about the loss.

You're not going to like this, but I'm going to say it anyway--the human condition is an existential quality in which Man is the only living creature (as far as we know) who is aware of his own eventual death. The awareness of death is so profound that some (rare) human beings are both blessed and cursed with a vision which screams out for expression. This is why we make art. In my increasingly humble opinion, I would have no right to attempt to write fiction if I didn't detest death with every strand of my DNA. (That's just me.)



Could you please give me an example of what I could have done with the ending? .

What I would have preferred was a punchline with more emotional impact, more "oomph." Forgive me, but the final line seems bland, if not banal. Maybe something with an ironic bang would have taken it to the finish line rather than merely stopping with what struck me as a half-hearted whimper.

But as the whole story stands, his stoic "acceptance" -- willingly embraced without even taking the prudent step of seeking a second opinion-- does not alas inspire sympathy nor admiration but merely sits there. It is -- as they say -- what it is.

Again, I think you are capable of much, much more.

Sincerely,
Auntie

[DATo]

Auntie, I totally agree with you with regard to survival being man's greatest instinct. We are hard wired through aeons of evolutionary attrition to be frightened of the things which may harm or destroy us. Primordial humanoids who were oblivious to danger ran a much higher risk of dying sooner than they normally would and statistical probability suggests they did die younger, thus producing less offspring with the same fearless genes. Humans have a natural fear of snakes. This is probably because our distant ancestors who did not fear snakes were bitten more often than those who did fear them and died as a result, once again, before they had achieved their full reproductive potential. Now it would seem a few humanoids dying of snake bite would not necessarily affect the entire gene pool but when protracted over millions of years, slowly and methodically, the atavistic gene which triggers the fear of snakes has come to be dominate in our population.

So you are quite correct to assume that it would be a stretch to believe that a man chosen at random (Professor Halbert) would react in so blasé a manner about news of his impending demise. It would appear to go against his very instincts for self preservation, and if I were in your shoes I must confess that I would probably feel the same way. My comment about the people at the Alamo, Nathan Hale et al was a shot below the belt which I regret and I beg to retract. The stature of these people was indeed heroic and I never intended Professor Halbert to be an heroic figure. Perhaps a better analogy would be the memory of the people stranded on the Titanic. They know they are going to die and there is nothing they can do about it. We are led to believe from the historical record which remains of that event that many, though they realized their fate, conducted themselves in the time they had left with stoicism and dignity.

You know Auntie, in my own life I used to rail against adversity which seemed to beset me every time I turned around. Over the years I have come to be more accepting of the inevitable when it could not be altered. I have learned to accept what cannot be changed. I suppose it is this attitude, much like the people on the Titanic, that I am attempting to illustrate through Halbert's own situation.

Now with regard to your recommendation about the ending: you know something Auntie, I agree with you totally. I too would prefer, and in fact would have normally delivered, an ending with considerably more "punch", but I was trying to remain constant with Halbert's flippant attitude at this time in the story.

* Now an interesting possibility, adding further to the twist, would be to place the ending of the story in Bernie's Deli, describe Halbert's ridiculous protest of smothering his bagel in cream cheese, and then have him experience a breakdown in which he gives full vent to what is now revealed as his repressed fears.

You stimulate the juices of my imagination Auntie *LOL* .... THANK YOU !!!!

Edited *

[Ramona Tudor]

Hello, DATo, we meet again *I shall insert a virtual smile here*
I read your story, Acceptance, and enjoyed it very much. I can't as much as give advices, or point out things to you, as I think you are superior to me in terms of writing, but I can at least express my appreciation. I enjoyed the story very much and I was also surprised to see you could catch so many things in such a little time (or, to me more precise, in so little words). I was -totally- into your story and wondered what this is all about (I haven't read the title, so the ending seemed like a major twist to me). I especially liked how you could make it sound so... careless, and yet so overwhelming. It seems to me that the atmosphere throughout the story is very slice-of-life like: a very normal situation, common circumstances, everything seems natural, a pure combination of warmness and realism. Even though the ending could surely be called ”a twist”, I personally don't believe that to be a bad thing. On the contrary, I think it's great if one can create a good twist at the end -and by that I mean that it is rather hard to create a great ending, one always expects so much, and the writer might get overwhelmed and lose something on the way. I don't believe you lost anything on the way - from the beginning to the end, you've kept an interesting, natural pace, and the twist at the end, even though a surprise, came natural and appropriate to the entire story.

I liked the character, and I also enjoyed his thinking about his wife and what he could do with his time left. It's probably a very realistic turn over; even though I haven't met many people that knew their death was soon coming, I believe there are many people in this world who would behave the way your character did. And if they do so, I can't but think they are wonderful, happy people. However, I am missing my point, I only think you did a good job with the story, and I had a good time reading it. It made me think about an old classmate who still came to school, even though he knew he was dying. He didn't do anything special, he just behave like he always did: not very social, he kept taking notes at school, listening closely to whatever his classmates were saying, smiling distantly as he always used to, fingering his classmates on the shoulder before asking them something. Even though none of us knew he was going to die, when he actually did, I figured that he still acted as himself, accepting his death the only way he could (or the best way he could). Maybe this is the reason why I find your story quite accurate; and even though it's tragic (moreover when I think of my deceased classmate), it's a very good short story. At least, that's what my reader-eyes are saying.