My first short story

[Robert lynn]

John was siting on a rock next to the river,sharping his sword and taking in the warmth provided by the rising sun half visible at the tree tops,when he heard the thundering roar of a war horn.He jumped from the rock and ran for the camp as fast as his legs would allow and upon arrival he was greeted by men running back and forth from tent to tent,strapping Armour on while running,and then john was alone,everyone had rushed towards battle,john kept standing there fear building up inside him,realizing his death was likely.He finally ran to his tent,where he strapped on his armor and grabbed his helmet,and then started running up the forest covered hill.at the top the trees abruptly stopped and was met by a large open field that was littered with hundreds of men clashing swords.John was terrified but he reluctantly pulled out his sword,tossed on his helmet and ran towards the battle and as soon as he reached it a man covered in furs,wielding a axe ran at him.The man raised the axe over johns head and swung,and john met the strike with his sword,and before he could react the man flung john to the ground and swung again,this time it sliced through johns shoulder,eating flesh and bone.John screamed in terror as the man reached for a dagger on his belt,and john closed his eyes,waiting for the dagger to strike,but it never came.He opened his eyes and there was the man laying on the ground with a sword through his chest.John then remembered the blow to his shoulder and quickly look at it.It was a very deep cut,red with blood and a bone visible in the center,he passed out from the shock.


John woke in a tent,staring at the roof,he tried raising up but pain shot through his shoulder and he feel back onto
his furs,he then turned to his side and saw 4 wounded men covered in bloody bandages laying on furs across the tent.He
closed his eyes and was happy to be alive.
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Its not really much of a story,its more like a little exercise i did to see how good i can write,so what do you
think of it? im i decent writer?

[DATo]

Yes, you are a decent writer. The story you tell is good but it lacks depth. Rather than a story you have described an event ... a scene, but you did it quite well. I'm fairly sure that you are trying to describe a young man's FIRST battle. As I was reading this I inferred that this is what you wanted to say but you did not do so explicitly. I'm sure you would agree that this makes all the difference in the eye of the reader for the reader's sympathies are much greater for a frightened novice who has been thrust into battle than they would be for an experienced fighter.

Your story reminded me of Steven Crane's novel, 'The Red Badge Of Courage'. If you have not read it I strongly recommend that you do so. I think, based upon the theme you chose for your story that you would like it. In this book the main character is also a youth thrust into battle who actually flees the battle scene but then later in the story he finds courage quite unexpectedly and leads a victorious attack. He goes from being a coward to a hero.

Now, perhaps, in YOUR story, you might have added something which would give some closure to the "event" you describe; for instance, as John is laying with the other wounded soldiers after the battle one of the old and experienced soldiers might strike up a conversation with him about the battle and other experienced veterans would add their thoughts. This would make it appear to the reader that though John was inexperienced and contributed nothing of significance to the battle his wounds now made him a veteran ... an equal... in the eyes of the other soldiers. Maybe you could close the story with John realizing that he has earned the right, by virtue of his wounds and his decision to participate and risk his life in the battle, to consider himself on equal terms with the other warriors.

Nice job though. I enjoyed reading it!

[Robert lynn]

Thank you for your insight and i will start focusing on those areas more often,also thanks for the recommendation,i will see if my library has it.