In Memories

[Mnemosyne33]

An echo as a whisper old
Breaks peace and lies.

Then, as I wait counting the dreams
Of memories I lost for time,
I feel myself to winds enslaved,
To endless pains I never braved,
As fragile feathers start to climb.

And, as the shadows that they bear
Break loose and start my hands to tie,
A raging scream from longing’s deep,
Arousing monsters from their sleep,
Devours pain and makes me sigh.

But, as I see the moon collapse,
Old memories can rest no more,
For now a silver feather’s hit
My breaking soul began to split,
And made me crave my sleep of yore.

Then a whole different world came forth,
Where all the earth and all the stone
Became a crimson sea, and all
The feathers of my nest now fall
To whence they came, and like a moan

An echo as a whisper old
Breaks peace and dies…

[virtuoso]

An excellent poem describing the rip tide-effect of old memories. There are some verb tense problems. You are combining past and present tense verbs in some of the stanzas. Here is a proper rendition of the poem:




An echo as a whisper old
Breaks peace and lies.

Then, as I wait counting the dreams
Of memories I lost for time,
I feel myself to winds enslaved,
To endless pains I never braved,
As fragile feathers start to climb.

And, as the shadows that they bear
Break loose and start my hands to tie,
A raging scream from longing’s deep,
Arousing monsters from their sleep,
Devours pain and makes me sigh.

But, as I see the moon collapse,
Old memories can rest no more,
For now a silver feather’s hit
My breaking soul begins to split,
And makes me crave my sleep of yore.

Then a whole different world comes forth,
Where all the earth and all the stone
are a crimson sea, and all
The feathers of my nest now fall
To whence they came, and like a moan

An echo as a whisper old
Breaks peace and dies…

[Mnemosyne33]

Thank you a lot for your comment ^_^ . I often have problems with the right tense since english is not my natal language, but people are usually too nice and don't point it out and I end up repeating them :D I'll definitely change the poem to a correct form :)

[virtuoso]

It is a riveting poem. The changes will make it sparkle even more.