What do you think of this poem

[Pope of Eruke]

This isn't mine, but it's from someone I know -here is the page https://www.facebook.com/pages/Michael-Wilson-Poetry-and-Assorted-Writings/1387995814802457?fref=ts It's called The Beggar.

I have my thoughts on it, I'm just curious what the people here think.

[Pope of Eruke]

Well, is it good or bad? Anything?

[illiterati]

it reminds me of a folksy lyric a la early Dylan.

as poetry on the page, it strikes me as simplistic, somewhat immature, technically deficient, and insipidly allegorical without much gravitas. tepid, poetry.com kind of stuff.

[Pope of Eruke]

it reminds me of a folksy lyric a la early Dylan.

as poetry on the page, it strikes me as simplistic, somewhat immature, technically deficient, and insipidly allegorical without much gravitas. tepid, poetry.com kind of stuff.

Thanks for the feedback bud

[illiterati]

what are your thoughts on the poem, pope?

[Pope of Eruke]

what are your thoughts on the poem, pope?

I know the guy personally, though he's not quite a friend, personally I think it isn't very good. It, and all his other stuff read like a nursery rhyme more than a poem. He tries to rhyme at the expense of all other poetic devices, and his subject matter is always attemting to seem intellectual, which makes them come off as a a bit dull, he's trying to come off as wiser than he is. He sounds more like someone trying to write like a poet, than someone trying to write what he feels or experiences. The guy is only 19, but still...

[Lemonade]

Well, it's not that bad, and as you said, he's just 19. Maybe some constructive criticism would be the best reply if you're asked.

He could try to avoid using the same word twice in subsequent sentences (sent. 11 & 12: never) and pay a little bit more attention to sentence structure. Maybe read some poems that show him that a poem does not necessarily have to rhyme, but that it has to 'flow'.

Hopefully he'll try to improve and maybe, one day, we'll all enjoy his brilliant poems. Every writer has to start somewhere.

[Pope of Eruke]

Well, it's not that bad, and as you said, he's just 19. Maybe some constructive criticism would be the best reply if you're asked.

He could try to avoid using the same word twice in subsequent sentences (sent. 11 & 12: never) and pay a little bit more attention to sentence structure. Maybe read some poems that show him that a poem does not necessarily have to rhyme, but that it has to 'flow'.

Hopefully he'll try to improve and maybe, one day, we'll all enjoy his brilliant poems. Every writer has to start somewhere.

He was given some healthy criticism, not by me, when he first starting writing, but he doesn't seem to have taken heed of it. Instead he started a FB page where he posts updates about when the next poem will be, but still writes exactly the same stuff. So i dont think so, sadly perhaps.

[Pope of Eruke]

.......

[virtuoso]

The second stanza does not gel. Being public and open about your penurious lifestyle does not get you ahead in any society. There is nothing there for young people to admire or emulate. You can be humble in any lifestyle or profession. He admires the simple, unassuming persona of the beggar, but the livelihood of a beggar is not appealing in any way. He is trying to make the reader appreciate an exaggerated point of view. The poem is neither didactic nor true to life.

[AuntShecky]

Did the original author give his permission for you to post his verse here? I hope so, because posting someone else's work--even when it's identified as such -- doesn't seem Kosher.

[Pope of Eruke]

Did the original author give his permission for you to post his verse here? I hope so, because posting someone else's work--even when it's identified as such -- doesn't seem Kosher.

Nope, but why should that be a problem? I stated it wasn't mine, and linked to his page. It's on the internet, available for anyone anyway.

Or I could just tell you that I did, and you'd have no way of knowing otherwise.

[English reader]

The beggar sounds like a modern day Socrates to me

[AuntShecky]

Or I could just tell you that I did, and you'd have no way of knowing otherwise.

Yeah, but you wouldn't--because every single word ever posted on the Internet is 100% true.