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Helen O'Reilly
07-05-2014, 07:44 AM
~ Princess ANTgeline ~

By: Helen O'Reilly

Once upon a time, in one of the many ant colonies, there lived an ant queen who had twelve beautiful daughters. The youngest daughter, Princess ANTgeline, was the prettiest of all.

Princess ANTgeline was known as a day dreamer princess. Instead of playing or doing other things like her sisters did, she sat on a twig of a tall tree every single day in order to day dream. She loved sitting on her twig facing the brook where she saw a beautiful place that she would love to go. It was a very beautiful meadow with lots of colorful flowers growing on the greenest, tallest grass she had ever seen, inviting butterflies, bees and birds to come and play there. The grass looked much greener than the grass on this side. The flowers seemed more beautiful. The water and the air were cleaner.

She knew that one day she would become a queen and ruled her own kingdom (As you may probably know, an ant kingdom is ruled by a queen). When that day came, she thought, she would build the most powerful kingdom of all. In order to make this dream come true, she had to find the strongest, the bravest and the smartest knight whom she would marry.

She so believed that the meadow across the brook was a perfect place to build her dream colony in which she would build the most beautiful palace any queen ant had ever built. So, when she was alone, she drew sketches of her future palace and wrote down all her dreams and plans in a sketch book.

When it was time for her to find a husband she told her parents that she would only marry the bravest young ant in the kingdom. As she was a very pretty lady ant, all the knights in the ant world wanted to win her over.

The news spread quickly. A contest was soon held and all the bravest young ants from wide and far enlisted their names to try their luck to marry this beautiful princess.

The knights were placed in groups and the contest lasted for days. The winners of each group had to fight against the winners of the other groups until there were just two ants left. The final contest was a big event, especially as the two finalists had a life or death combat.
The winner was a knight named ANThony, but what he, or anybody didn’t know was Princess ANTgeline’s hidden agenda.

As soon as they were married, the princess told her husband and her parents that she wanted to move and build her own kingdom. Her parents were very happy about this for it was the tradition of ant society that a married princess had to leave her parents and set up her own colony. But as soon as they heard her plans, The King’s and the Queen’s faces turned pale. They never dreamed that their daughter had this strange wish.

“Why don’t you build the colony close to us?” Her mother inquired. “We have an abundant supply of food and water. We have been living in this place safely and happily for generations. Why would you go to a place so far away?”
“Do you realize how far it is? The most dangerous part of you plan is that you have to cross the brook. How will you cross the water? “Her father asked.
“We shall cross the bridge over there.” The Princess pointed westward.
“ Do you know how dangerous it is to go there, my dear? Don’t you remember the stories of the elders? They told us there are big hideous monsters passing the bridge every day. Added to this, You will need at least three-day journey to cross the bridge. Please cancel your plan. It’s too dangerous.” Her father added.
“No,” she replied, her eyes lit up with strong determination. “I have been waiting for this my whole life. I will go with or without your consent. I will make my dreams come true no matter what the cost,”

Her father gave in. Taking a deep breath, he said, “Do whatever you wish. I will give you a thousand troops of ant soldiers and another ten thousand troops of ant workers to accompany you and help you build your colony. But wait until I tell you when to start the journey because I have to make sure that the weather is good.”

One sunny morning, Princess Antgeline said good bye to her parents and started the journey. It was a fine summer day. There were no grey clouds in the sky, so they would have a wonderful journey. By evening, they arrived near the bridge and decided to sleep there and continued the journey early in the morning.

At dawn the next morning, they arrived at the bridge. The leader of the party was Sir ANTonio, having no experience taking his troops on the bridge, told the party not to walk too close to the edge of the bridge for fear of falling to the river. So they walked almost near the middle of the bridge. They had been walking safely for two or three hours when all of a sudden, they heard a thunderous rumbling voice. The earth was shaking. The voice was getting nearer and nearer. “A monster!” Sir ANTonio shouted and immediately ordered them, “Run to the edge of the bridge! Quick!” It was a very narrow escape. A cart, whose wheels rolled exactly on the path where the ants were walking, was passing over the bridge.

The Princess began to realize that this journey was indeed dangerous, especially when she received the news that they had lost hundreds of their men in that horrible accident.
After the incident, they continued the journey very carefully. Each time they heard a cart approaching, they stopped until it passed.

That day, many of the soldiers were trampled by human and animals who were crossing the bridge and unaware they that they walked over some ants.
The party spent the night sleeping under the grasses on the bridge over the brook. Fortunately, there was no more cart or human being passing the bridge during the night, so they could rest very well.

The second day was not a good day to continue the journey because it was very windy. Strong gusts sometimes swept the surface of the land. They had been walking one third of the bridge, therefore they were walking on the open without any trees protecting them from the wind. The wind blew from the east end of the bridge, so Sir ANTonio ordered the party to walk on the east end, so that even if they were blown by the wind, they could still land on the land. If they walked on the west side, they would be blown down straight to the brook.

But that day, many more lives were lost. They were either run over by the carts or trampled by human and animals or blown by the wind. Luckily, the princess had very loyal troops who guarded her day and night to ensure her survival. The journey had to continue anyway, and there was no turning back.

The next day, they decided to rest by day and continue the journey by night. It was safer as there were no carts or human passing the bridge at night.
But towards afternoon, the sky grew very dark and the wind blew strongly. They could hear the thunder rolling and lightning flashed in the darkened sky. A summer storm was coming, so they all hid under the grasses to protect them from the rain. They clang to the plants very tightly as It rained quite heavily for hours.

When the rain ceased, the princess realized that some ants had been carried away by the torrent. Only the strongest could survive the storm. She was lucky because she was guarded by her knights all night long. They canceled the plan to journey at night but restlessly wait for the sunrise.

They had a glorious morning the next day, so they were determined to finish the journey that day. It was a very hard journey because the ground was wet and slippery. They met some puddles on the way. This slowed down their journey because they had to walk round the puddles if they did not want to drown. The journey was very dangerous because besides humans, animals and carts, they had to face nature as well. Fortunately, Prince ANThony was a great husband. He comforted her day by day showing her how much he loved her and how much he cared. That was the only reason she was strong enough to continue this journey.

At last, they arrived at the end of the bridge. The troop rejoiced because they succeeded in achieving their goal of escorting their princess to her dreamland. They walked another one day journey to find a place to build a palace for their queen. It was right across their former home.

Then, from scratch they started building a colony. They worked very hard day and night. And, in the end, when all her dreams were realized by the help of her wonderful husband and people, her kingdom became the most powerful Ant kingdom in the whole wide Ant world.


The end

Iain Sparrow
07-05-2014, 11:25 AM
I'm not sure this is the message you want to be sharing with young children... when they're all grown up, not to stray too far from home.:)

Nice story though!

YesNo
07-05-2014, 11:47 AM
I enjoyed the fable. You could add to it by saying one of her own children wanted to go back across the brook.

DATo
07-05-2014, 07:10 PM
I agree with with YesNo. A very nice fable indeed! I find it to be sort of reminiscent of Krylov or Aesop's fables.

Helen O'Reilly
07-06-2014, 01:52 AM
Dear Iain Sparrow, YesNo and DATo, thank you very much for your comments. the proverb "the grass is always greener on the other side" is actually the theme of this story but ,of course, everyone is allowed to have his own interpretation. Again thank you very much for reading the story.

Pumpkin337
07-06-2014, 03:26 AM
There are more than a few grammatical errors that need fixing (plurals and tense). I think you also built up too much anticipation to the whole contest / knight thing only to drop it rather abruptly. If it isn't THE theme, then treat it lightly. Basically focus on the theme and only add information that takes the theme forward.

I do think that you lost sight of the theme. "The grass isn't always greener on the other side' doesn't come through. What does come through is a message of don't dream, don't struggle to achieve your dreams because the cost isn't worth it and you will spend your whole life regretting trying. Instead of being a very positive little story about follow your dreams. don't listen to the nay-sayers and the sacrifice involved is worth it - it becomes a rather unpleasant little tale on not dreaming. Sorry, but that is how it comes across. Perhaps you need to think more deeply about the meaning of 'the grass is always greener' and how to convey that message in a more positive way - because it isn't a negative message. There are times when you gaze longingly at some one else's life, or another place, or job or ... and think oh it would be so much better if, and fail to appreciate the blessings you do have right here. It would be better if instead of going and failing and being miserable Princess ANTgeline stayed home and learned that the flowers grow here, the butterflies are also here and the water is clean here too etc.

Helen O'Reilly
07-06-2014, 10:46 AM
Dear Pumpkin337, thank you very much for your valuable advice and comment. I promise when I write a story next time, I will remember everything you told me except about the grammar mistakes because although my husband is an American, we don't live in America and my mother tongue is not English. People say practice makes perfect. I hope the more I practice, the better stories I will produce,especially with friends who are willing to teach me how to write a better short story.

Pumpkin337
07-06-2014, 01:07 PM
There are a number of online grammar tools that are very helpful to use.

https://www.google.co.za/search?client=opera&q=online+grammar+check&sourceid=opera&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&channel=suggest&gws_rd=ssl <- search results rather than links because there are several.

Helen O'Reilly
07-07-2014, 12:53 AM
Dear Pumpkin337, you're really a sweetheart. thank you for the link, it will be a big help for me. I will change the ending of the story like this:

"Then, from scratch they started building a colony. They worked very hard day and night. And, in the end, when all her dreams were realized by the help of her wonderful husband and people, her kingdom became the most powerful Ant kingdom in the whole wide Ant world. "

What do you think?

Pumpkin337
07-07-2014, 02:04 AM
Oh MUCH better! See how that changes the whole tone and message? Now its the kind of story you can read to kids or be an allegorical tale for adults?

Helen O'Reilly
07-07-2014, 02:38 AM
Done! I edited the ending of the story already. thank you very much for your help. I really appreciate it. May God bless you.

Pumpkin337
07-07-2014, 03:41 AM
its a pleasure to help. keep writing! and especially when writing short stories keep your eye on the ball :)

108 fountains
07-07-2014, 12:25 PM
Welcome to the Forum! I thought this was a really sweet children's story. You painted vivid descriptions using simple sentences and keeping the vocabulary at a child's level. Yes, some errors in grammar, etc., which can be corrected easily by a native English speaker.

I was surprised that nobody complained about how "In order to make this dream come true, she had to find the strongest, the bravest and the smartest knight whom she would marry." - sort of goes against modern feminist ideas, but for me, it's okay. I'm more of a traditionalist.

I also thought the original "grass is always greener on the other side" theme was obvious - pretty much explicit in the second paragraph: "The grass looked much greener than the grass on this side." A traditional theme told in a traditional but engaging manner. You can change the message, of course, if that is what you wish to do, but not all fables or fairy tales have a happy ending or have a message that is uplifting to all readers - the Little Mermaid comes to mind, not the Disney version, but the Hans Christian Anderson version. Whether the message is to follow your dreams or the grass is always greener theme, the main thing as a writer, in my opinion, is to be true to yourself.

Helen O'Reilly
07-07-2014, 09:59 PM
Hi 108 fountains, thank you for your warm welcome and encouraging comments. I love children. I'm a Sunday school teacher. sometimes besides telling my Sunday school students stories from the Bible, I also tell them stories with morals that I make up myself, sometimes the idea comes just like that, without me preparing it at home. Then I thought, why didn't I try to write them down? So, Here I am. an inexperience writer coming to your website.