The Nuclear Fallout from her Radioactive Eyes

[virtuoso]

A blink from your eyes
but momentary blip
that traced the coordinates
of a solitary figure
shrouding a lonely heart

The optical nerves flickered
a bright twinkle glowed
highlighting the gaunt lines
of a fragile skeleton
shadowing an interred spirit

Lava lamps flared
blue irises shot out sparks
the heat penetrated my brain
mapping the bipolar dots
connecting a tortured mind

The bulbs switched off
the singed dust fluttered
around your drawn lamp shade
leaving only the blank form
of an invisible soul

[tailor STATELY]

The Nuclear Fallout from her Radioactive Eyes

A blink from your eyes
but momentary blip
that traced the coordinates
of a solitary figure
shrouding a lonely heart

then the optical nerves flickered
a bright twinkle glowed
highlighting the gaunt lines
of a fragile skeleton
shadowing an interred spirit

Subsequently, lava lamps flared
blue irises shot out sparks
the heat penetrated my brain
mapping the bipolar dots
connecting a tortured mind

Suddenly, the bulbs switched off
the singed dust fluttered
around your drawn lamp shade
leaving only the blank form
of an invisible soul
I enjoyed this poem on a few levels: lava lamps; "the heat penetrated my brain" (I get a similar electric "stabbing" on occasion with eye to eye contact); the idea of ascribing personal interaction on a quantum level.

A few things distracted me from (my perception of) the way your poem flowed: L3 - that; L6 - then; L11 - Subsequently, L16 - Suddenly.

The descriptor "sparks" seems a bit naive to me - though the lexicon of atomic particles might detract from the tone you're setting.

All in all a worthy read.

Ta ! (short for tarradiddle),
tailor STATELY

[virtuoso]

Thanks for stopping by and commenting, Tailor. I will drop the connective/conjunctive words from the beginning of the last, three stanzas. I do not want to distract your discerning eyes (just kidding). The descriptive word "sparks" I think is an apt word. It begins to describe the decrypting of the shallow core (his mind). I thank you for your worthy suggestions, and your close reading. Your advise is appreciated.