A Little Bit Of Humour # 86

[Biggus]

ARE YOU WEARING A SLEEPSUIT?

Are you wearing a sleepsuit?
Well on a baby it looks cute
Even on my girlfriend it can
But not on a fifty year old man

THE DRUG MULE SURPRISE

The drug mule
Smuggled cocaine
In little plastic eggs
More accustomed
To holding a toy
And that’s what I call
A Kindle Surprise


IF YOU WANT TO AVOID

If you want to avoid
Disaster on a plate
Even though
They are first rate
Avoid eating Lobsters
On a first date

I COULDN’T GET THE OLD BANGER

I couldn’t get the old banger
Started this morning
I tried to get her to turn over
As the day was dawning
But to no avail, she just
Lay there yawning

ON A FIRST DATE DO NOT CHOOSE

On a first date do not choose
A restaurant to meet her
Because it’s not conducive
With your being a messy eater

THAT DRESS IS QUITE REVEALING

That dress is quite revealing
Your breasts it’s barely concealing
I think perhaps your teasing
Offering them up for squeezing
Your bust does look rather ample
Go on let me have another sample

ALWAYS READ STUFF THAT

Always read stuff that
Will make you look good
If you are struck with death
Earlier than you should

ARE YOU WEARING A TARTAN SKIRT?

Are you wearing a Tartan skirt?
And what’s above your socks?
If I were able to take a look
I could maybe see the Trossachs

THE SLIMMER OF THE YEAR

The Slimmer of the year
To her absolute surprise
Was last night presented
With the no Belly Prize

ARE YOU WEARING A SELF-IMPORTANT LOOK?

Are you wearing a self-important look?
Well I would say you are in my opinion
And further more I will bet my house
On the fact that you are a politician

[YesNo]

The "no Belly Prize" and the one about the revealing dress were my favorites.

[Biggus]

Thank you

[AuntShecky]

You can't say you've really visited Maine until you've experienced the Full Lobster. Unless you're savvy enough to order the lobster tail or Newburg or the like, the waiter brings you the entire animal on a plate. You've got to be extremely careful when you crack the creature open or you'll get the surprise of your life. Contrary to popular opinion, the lobster bib is not there to catch drops of melted butter; it's to protect your shirt from the inevitable explosion. Fortunately, when it happened to yours fooly, we were having our meal on a picnic table of an outdoor restaurant. There wasn't a comedian scheduled that afternoon -- nonetheless the custormers had plenty of laughs.

Lots o' laughs here, too, Biggus. Nice job.

Auntie

[Biggus]

Thanks Auntie
Eating the full lobster sounds like a job for the full body armour like bomd disposal people use.
It all sounds like a very hasardous activity.
You painted a very vivid picture though