That one thing I wrote at 2am

[stephofthenight]

I'm lost in the world
heart, cracked and dry
My past suffocates me
No breath to ask why

Lord, I need you
Don't you know my pain
I'm already drowning
So why make it rain

Open my eyes
Show me the truth
Rain living water
I will seek refuge in you

Cleanse my heart
Make me new
Wash away the lies
I want to live for you.

[YesNo]

I liked the lines about already drowning so why bring in the rain.

[cacian]

very religious in some ways. the third stanza reminded me of the enlightenment. the idea of opening's one's eyes. :)

[qimissung]

I think this is a very good poem, lots of pain and searching and heart.

[Lykren]

I didn't like this much. I appreciate your directness but it seemed too plain with nothing to distinguish it in particular - the phrasing wasn't especially beautiful or ugly, there wasn't any logical turn or train of thought that made me think twice. Don't feel bad though, I know that I for one have written worse. Keep trying.

[prendrelemick]

I disagree with Lykren. There is quite a lot in there that is expressed with simple economy. The imagery of rain and washing clean is an old one , but that doesn't mean it is redundant, a cliche becomes a cliche because it works. I think it succeeds because it peaked my interest in the narrator - I want to know what happened next morning