Dimensions

[free]

I have lived in this house since I divorced my husband, a green eyed man with high expecations concerning our equality. I never noticed before that he thought of himself as more equal in our relationship. But it occured to me one day when I saw him drunk. He just considered it to be his right to drink and get drunk, but the same experience was not welcomed by him when I tried it. No, women don't drink. It was just a begining of our separation. After that other misunderstandings kept going on and on, until the divorce.

I think, sitting alone and not liking it. I have been listening to the music all day, walking around in the house like a person lost in the space. I feel no gravitation towards anything. In fact, most of the time I fly in my imagination trying to calculate how much money and time I need to pull myself together and start another kind of life. "You can ring my bell", sings somebody in the garden and I get up to see who is it. Nobody there. How strange! Nobody to see, just the singing voice. Am I going mad?

"Please, don't disturb me if you have nothing smart to say." I say and listen. The singing stops.

"Ha", I think, "so, you can hear me."

Silence.

"Do you hear me?" Then I say.

"I hear you." The previous singer answers.

"Can we communicate by thoughts?" I ask loudly.

"No," he says, "we are not on the same thoughts wave level."

"Where do you live?" I ask.

"In the fifth dimension." Says the voice.

The alarm clock rings and I wake up all confused. My husband is snoring by me and I kiss him tenderly, he moves a bit and turns to another side. I get up and go to the kitchen. It is Saturday, he is not working, but I left something to finish today. I drink coffee and silently walk out of our home.

[108 fountains]

Well, it was interesting enough, but I have to admit I didn't understand it and don't get what the story is trying to say. Is everything prior to the last paragraph part of the dream, including the details on the relationship between narrator and her husband? Is the first paragraph suppose to be a glimpse into the narrator's future? What is the point of hearing the voice at all, since it doesn't appear to have anything to say? What is it that the narrator has left to finish in the last paragraph? I don't mind stories that present questions or puzzles for the reader to figure out, but here I just don't find anything to guide me towards the writer's intention. I feel like I'm missing something, but I can't figure out what it is.

[WolfLarsen]

I love this!

It's a kind of bizarre! I like the kind of bizarre!

Please the more bizarre the better! Please serve us bizarre bizarre bizarre! Please shove it down the throats of the conventionalists. They need it!

[free]

Well, it was interesting enough, but I have to admit I didn't understand it and don't get what the story is trying to say. Is everything prior to the last paragraph part of the dream, including the details on the relationship between narrator and her husband? Is the first paragraph suppose to be a glimpse into the narrator's future? What is the point of hearing the voice at all, since it doesn't appear to have anything to say? What is it that the narrator has left to finish in the last paragraph? I don't mind stories that present questions or puzzles for the reader to figure out, but here I just don't find anything to guide me towards the writer's intention. I feel like I'm missing something, but I can't figure out what it is.

This story is a product of an instant inspiration. Thanks for giving me the opportunity to add this comment. I wrote it only to see the reaction of possible readers. Most of the time I write stories as if somebody else tells them to me. There is a book written by my friend and its title is very humorous and witty, but says a lot: 'Don't Ask me I am Only the Driver'. I hope it tells a lot about my writings, too. Thank you for reading and commenting.

[free]

I love this!

It's a kind of bizarre! I like the kind of bizarre!

Please the more bizarre the better! Please serve us bizarre bizarre bizarre! Please shove it down the throats of the conventionalists. They need it!

:)))) I am glad you like it WolfLarsen. You think it is bizarre... hmmm... I'll accept it as a compliment to my story, thanks. :)

[AuntShecky]

I never noticed before that he thought of himself as more equal in our relationship. Despite of the famously quoted line from Animal Farm, nothing can really be "more equal" than something else. Equal means both sides of the equation are exactly the same. Maybe you mean the husband thinks he's superior.

Aside from that, the writing is fairly competent, except for the awkward use of present tense. . In any event, try to keep your verb tenses consistent. You've got a mix of past and present in the first paragraph, then it shifts to all present tense. To deter pitfalls in flashbacks and the like and to avoid confusion, it's usually a good idea to keep to the past tense in short stories

The situation is not really "bizarre" but rather familiar to a fault. Framing the narrative around some variation to the old "It was only a dream" premise is pretty much a clichéd device.

What I would have preferred to see is how this couple's relationship is unique, that is, different from anything we've read about before.

Good try, though.

Auntie

[free]

Despite of the famously quoted line from Animal Farm, nothing can really be "more equal" than something else. Equal means both sides of the equation are exactly the same. Maybe you mean the husband thinks he's superior.

Aside from that, the writing is fairly competent, except for the awkward use of present tense. . In any event, try to keep your verb tenses consistent. You've got a mix of past and present in the first paragraph, then it shifts to all present tense. To deter pitfalls in flashbacks and the like and to avoid confusion, it's usually a good idea to keep to the past tense in short stories

The situation is not really "bizarre" but rather familiar to a fault. Framing the narrative around some variation to the old "It was only a dream" premise is pretty much a clichéd device.

What I would have preferred to see is how this couple's relationship is unique, that is, different from anything we've read about before.

Good try, though.

Auntie

Thank you, Antie. I simply adore your comments. Best wishes.