AnonymousP
05-29-2014, 01:23 PM
This is a short story , but its also true .... Its about myself ....
New years passed I attempted suicide . I was in a dark place but have received proper help from professionals and who encouraged me to join a site like this.
Imagine one of your so called best friends kissing the face off your very recent and still in love with ex in front off you ..... right now imagine that you got mugged a week after ......leaving you battered and bruised .
Now imagine that when you explained you got mugged to your Mam , she batters again you with a 2 by 4 stick because the phone worth €70 she got you was taken .
Then imagine hearing that your only friend isn't coming home for Christmas....
imagine sitting in your room alone in the dark crying because your on rock bottom,nobody to trust nowhere to go and all you
think of is that when we die we don't go to heaven it just ends a nothingness
pure darkness washes over your eyes and your an alcoholic at age 19 ..... these thing natural to any teen , not me hear why
I dropped out of college to stay close to my girlfriend who I loved and she loved me too (now ex)
I went into the nightclub with that "friend" who kissed her to get her out of my head
I was mugged walking the same way I always did for all my life
My own mother revisiting childhood memories by beating me over a piece of plastic that accepts calls
Your best friend who happens to be your brother is staying on the other side of the world because "life is great"
Your lost at age 19 although you know exactly where you are .............. at deaths door .
This is no ordinary door ,nobody opens the door for you , its locked until its your time
but you know a back entrance to death : A cheat.
Easy, fast, and then its all done ..... what would you do.
That same Complete nothingness you felt for this time opens like light behind a curtain that's being ripped down the middle as you cut deeper and deeper
You see the vein ... slice hard.....its open .....a relief .
Then you look at the blood and say hey ive come this far so I may as-well open up the other one to be sure ........slice harder.
Your now gushing blood from your main veins in both wrists ...feeling dizzy and nausea kicks in as the blood drips like tears. Something happens ..... your dying .
And when your dying your life flashes before your eyes... every little thing and event that brought you happiness in your life up to now appears on the wall in-front of you like a bright beam of light in a theatre and your the only one sitting in it .
the darkness is ripped open , "is this is what you wanted ? "you hear in an evil voice from the dark seats ....you don't feel any pain , because your in shock now your still dying ... the more of the film you watch ...the more you bleed .
Then either one of two things happens , you write a note explaining why and give them an explanation so they can have closure
Or
You see too much of the film showing in this theatre and decide "hey that was kinda good, I wanna make more scenes and films "
I couldn't find a pen or paper to write a note but I could see while falling around the with blood all over the room from the cuts was a phone
I rang an ambulance " hello ...... yea I just made a huge mistake " My first words.
The Ambulance comes I walk downstairs still gushing blood but with cloth around both wrists trying to stop it
I enter the ambulance calm and alone .... my mother was asleep in the neighbouring room and I chose not to wake her up
"its not her fight " I said to the ambulance man and woman .
"This is my fight , I entered the ring with this darkness and im ready to go the rounds ....." they stitched me up and got me straight to a therapist.
Who helped me see that same wonderful happy film any time im feeling low .
This was my fight .
I have some battle scars , two actually ......on both wrists .
Everyone gets hurt in battle but even the hurt ones win
I won .
I won .
New years passed I attempted suicide . I was in a dark place but have received proper help from professionals and who encouraged me to join a site like this.
Imagine one of your so called best friends kissing the face off your very recent and still in love with ex in front off you ..... right now imagine that you got mugged a week after ......leaving you battered and bruised .
Now imagine that when you explained you got mugged to your Mam , she batters again you with a 2 by 4 stick because the phone worth €70 she got you was taken .
Then imagine hearing that your only friend isn't coming home for Christmas....
imagine sitting in your room alone in the dark crying because your on rock bottom,nobody to trust nowhere to go and all you
think of is that when we die we don't go to heaven it just ends a nothingness
pure darkness washes over your eyes and your an alcoholic at age 19 ..... these thing natural to any teen , not me hear why
I dropped out of college to stay close to my girlfriend who I loved and she loved me too (now ex)
I went into the nightclub with that "friend" who kissed her to get her out of my head
I was mugged walking the same way I always did for all my life
My own mother revisiting childhood memories by beating me over a piece of plastic that accepts calls
Your best friend who happens to be your brother is staying on the other side of the world because "life is great"
Your lost at age 19 although you know exactly where you are .............. at deaths door .
This is no ordinary door ,nobody opens the door for you , its locked until its your time
but you know a back entrance to death : A cheat.
Easy, fast, and then its all done ..... what would you do.
That same Complete nothingness you felt for this time opens like light behind a curtain that's being ripped down the middle as you cut deeper and deeper
You see the vein ... slice hard.....its open .....a relief .
Then you look at the blood and say hey ive come this far so I may as-well open up the other one to be sure ........slice harder.
Your now gushing blood from your main veins in both wrists ...feeling dizzy and nausea kicks in as the blood drips like tears. Something happens ..... your dying .
And when your dying your life flashes before your eyes... every little thing and event that brought you happiness in your life up to now appears on the wall in-front of you like a bright beam of light in a theatre and your the only one sitting in it .
the darkness is ripped open , "is this is what you wanted ? "you hear in an evil voice from the dark seats ....you don't feel any pain , because your in shock now your still dying ... the more of the film you watch ...the more you bleed .
Then either one of two things happens , you write a note explaining why and give them an explanation so they can have closure
Or
You see too much of the film showing in this theatre and decide "hey that was kinda good, I wanna make more scenes and films "
I couldn't find a pen or paper to write a note but I could see while falling around the with blood all over the room from the cuts was a phone
I rang an ambulance " hello ...... yea I just made a huge mistake " My first words.
The Ambulance comes I walk downstairs still gushing blood but with cloth around both wrists trying to stop it
I enter the ambulance calm and alone .... my mother was asleep in the neighbouring room and I chose not to wake her up
"its not her fight " I said to the ambulance man and woman .
"This is my fight , I entered the ring with this darkness and im ready to go the rounds ....." they stitched me up and got me straight to a therapist.
Who helped me see that same wonderful happy film any time im feeling low .
This was my fight .
I have some battle scars , two actually ......on both wrists .
Everyone gets hurt in battle but even the hurt ones win
I won .
I won .