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DieterM
05-28-2014, 10:50 AM
i just called
because
my white walls were screaming at me
because
an early summer was vibrating through my
sweat-soaked living room

***hello
***this is not a voice

because
eyes shut I was
thinking powdery earth and dry pine needles
thinking lemongrass and coconut oil
thinking sun-hot stone walls

***this is just the record
***of a voice

because
this empty afternoon started to feel
as solid as in ninety-nine remember
when we were walking down that country road
near that Greek village remember
inhaling forty degrees of lime and fig
carrying our t-shirts like flags of surrender

***we’re out
***of town
***of money
***of our minds
***leave a message
***if you must
***after this beep

and that flaming breeze remember
that black, melting, narrow road
the sound of an airplane far away
rippling in waves through the sky
and how painfully happy we were
and how
all that’s left now
is the pain

***—beep—

virtuoso
05-28-2014, 11:13 AM
A winsome serenade to the requiting days of wine and love! I absolutely love the picturesque cascade down lover's lane. This is your best entry, by far, in a long time (your other poems are quiet good, as well). The emotive strain enchains the reader, and carries them on a palpitating ride. The only line that I did not like too much was line 18 (as solid as in ninety-nine remember). In place of "as solid', I think that "as carefree" or "as innocent" would sound better, and bring more continuity to the poem. Nevertheless, a brilliant write, my friend!