Let's Write a Story Together

[free]

Finish the started sentence and start a new one with a few words.


It was a sunny morning. She looked out of her window and...

[cacian]

It was a sunny morning. She looked out of her window and...

and the road appeared quiet. only one car drove past, a couple of birds, passerines flew by,....

[PeterL]

to land on the shoulders of a statue in the park

[Hwo Thumb]

She yawned and stretched her arms, walking across the room to her closet.

[Sancho]

she stopped at the window and gazed out at the statue in the park across the street. Good lord, she thought...

[Emil Miller]

.....what are those two vultures doing sitting on that statue of Sly Stalone?

[Sancho]

...why he looks positively sinister with a vulture perched on each of his boxing gloves. I wonder why...

[free]

...why he looks positively sinister with a vulture perched on each of his boxing gloves. I wonder why...

she thought and thought, but there was answer to her thoughts from nowhere. She heard Dean Martin...

[Emil Miller]

...he was singing something about being hit in the eye by a big pizza pie.

[Sancho]

...and Bobby Darin was going on about what happens when a shark bites. Something strange was afoot, but...

[Emil Miller]

....ignoring these portents, she turned off the radio and thought about her forthcoming marriage to Tarquin Cholmondeley-de Vere-Watt-Watson.

[cacian]

....ignoring these portents, she turned off the radio and thought about her forthcoming marriage to Tarquin Cholmondeley-de Vere-Watt-Watson.
''that's a long name!!'' she thought 'how am I going to manage'? she was not sure at all she entertained the thought of learning it to fault in case the spelling jolted.

[PeterL]

And what will we use for a family monogram? Oh! the problems that marriage will create.

[Sancho]

..."Oh, pish-posh," she said aloud, "one more hyphen never hurt anybody - I'll be Mrs. Georgette Cholmondeley-de Vere-Watt-Watson de hyphen-S-Patton." Then she wondered if they'd need a bigger or at least longer mailbox and also...

[Emil Miller]

.....whether she should invite Turk Thrust to the wedding.

[cacian]

and also uncle Jim who lived on the boat.

[Emil Miller]

The problem being that, while Turk would make a beeline for the bridesmaids, uncle Jim would do likewise for the champagne.

[Sancho]

...her entire side of the family, armed and drunk. Ah well, she thought, maybe I should...

[Emil Miller]

....give up marriage to a $40 billion fortune and go back to being the innocent young pole dancer I used to be.

[Soulwitch]

im just looking for a chat room not familiar with rthjis site would like to make friends smiles and hugzzzzzz

[Sancho]

Folks - Folks - Folks! Don't touch that dial! Whilst our hero makes up her mind, we're gonna take a short station-identification break. We'll be right back. Y'all don't go nowhere, Y'hear?

>>>Bad music, poorly written and worsely performed, do-be-do-be-do-be<<<

This has been a production of KLIT, broadcasting on WIFI 802.11, 2.5 GHz, or thereabouts.

Buzz-crack: Bad Credit? No Credit? - No Problem! C'mon down to Buck Gently's Used Car Emporium and Skeet Range, where your ride won't cost you your hide.

Whiz-Pop: Lay's n Gemp'mum, Ah wuz lost, but now Ah'm found. Ah wuz a low-down thievin', lyin', cheatin' sinner. But then Ah foun' The Lord God Little Baby Jesus Mary Joseph and The Holy Speerit. And now Ah'm SAVED. Praise be to God in heaven. You kin be saved too. Just send 5 dollars and Ah'll say a prayer for you. Hurry! Send checks to Cletus, c/o Gulf States Correctional Facility, Federal Way, MS 40267

>>>More Bad Music<<<

And now, back to the show, folks!

Sniffle, I just can't decide, what am I to do...

[free]

- What is this?!

Shouted the old man listening to the show. He looked out of...

[stephofthenight]

...His rain covered windshield at the red light ahead, flicking the controls on the radio searching for...

[Emil Miller]

.....the somewhat painfully titled 'Daisy Pulls It Off' now rewritten and broadcast as 'Virgin on the Verge.'

[Sancho]

...and just like that, there it was, those first few glorious notes of Virgin on the Verge. The old man closed his eyes and let the music wash over him, but...

[Emil Miller]

.... as he drove off, he was thrilled to hear Georgette forswear pole dancing for Tarquin and the $40billion.

[Sancho]

...Georgette was ecstatic to be having a June wedding, especially since it would be held at Tarquin's country estate near South Wakefordtonshireville-upon-Chatsworthybroughampool (such a classy place). Her only concern was...

[Emil Miller]

....what Tarquin would think of Turk Thrust's tattoos and earring.

[Sancho]

...Turk will just have too wear a long-sleeved shirt, hmm, with a high collar, hmm, and maybe some gloves (tattooed knuckles gonna spell his fate, one said LOVE and the other HATE). I sure hope cousin Cletus can get sprung from the GSCF by my wedding day, or else...

[free]

Georgette thought, understanding nothing from the 'Remind me' notebook which she had been given by the cousin Cletus . 'Who on Earth', she continued...

[Emil Miller]

....as Tarquin entered the room, 'has painted a moustache on Andy Warhol's orignal painting of Elvis Presley that's hanging over the fireplace?'

[Sancho]

...Georgette, looking guilty, came up behind Tarquin and looped her arms around his waist, "Oh baby, I'm sorry, I'll get you a new one - this time in color, on black velvet, it'll glow in the dark!" And so...

[Emil Miller]

...Tarquin was very pleased, as he'd been surrounded by Warhols for most of his life.

[Sancho]

(Hahaha! ^)

...Such a witty fellow, Georgette thought, she knew she'd made the right decision. "Tarquin, did I mention that I've gotten Ozzy to play the wedding?"...

[free]

'Ozzy!!!'

She screamed, took off her engagement ring and threw it. The ring flew in the air, made a few circles and fell right into...

[Emil Miller]

....the glass of Châteauneuf-du-Pape that uncle Jim was drinking in a corner of the room.

[Sancho]

...said Jim, "Whoa there, little lady! Simmer down... Oh and fetch me a refill, will Ya?" Georgette for her part then...

[Emil Miller]

....said, as she refilled Jim's glass, that she'd been planning on a small group like the Boston Symphony Orchestra to play at the wedding.

[Sancho]

...what to do? What to do? - orchestral music or Ozzy Osbourne, the head or the heart, champagne or beer, black tie or polyester, it all speaks to the duality of man...uhh...whoa, waxed a little philosophical there for a minute. So let's get this party started and...

[Emil Miller]

... move forward to June 6th when the wedding of Georgette Snuggins of Detroit to Tarquin Cholmondely de Vere Watt Watson of New York is taking place at the cathedral of St John the Divine, Manhattan.

[tonywalt]

The wedding cake looked like a white cruiseship on the turquoise table.

[Emil Miller]

It was a replica of the USS Taxhaven that was to take the newlyweds off on their honeymoon to the Cayman Islands where Tarquin kept his $40 billion piggybank.

[Sancho]

Tarquin's friends, an odd assortment of investment bankers, bond traders, pyramid schemers, grifters, racketeers, and politicians, were all highly impressed with the couple's the wedding cake.

[free]

The bride's maid was an actress of soundless movies and the groom's best man was little Johnny. Although they called him little, he was tall and as old as the jokes about him. Therefore,

[Emil Miller]

...most of the guests' attention was turned to Tarquin's business associate, Wayne McSwain, hedge fund CEO and owner of the worlds largest snake oil production company.

[Sancho]

The recently paroled Cletus Snuggins, smiling a winning smile and displaying his impressive gold grillwork, quickly made his way across the lawn towards the the Snake-Oil magnate. He...

[Emil Miller]

.....shook hands with McSwain and said, 'How would you like to invest in my new product for the follically challenged ? It's called 'Baldness Begone', with a profit margin of 200%.

[tonywalt]

"Does it have approval from the HMRA and/or FDA - and if he does, wouldn't you already have investors?"

[Sancho]

"Ah, the old baldness-cure racket, screw the FDA" said McSwain. "Count me in, but you're thinking too small, Cletus, old boy, think exponentially. Here's what we do: first we incorporate; then we hype your potion through the media, which I own; then we find an underwriter and offer it as an IPO on the Nasdaq; the stock will go wild; then we short the hell out of it, and leak the story that your formula is a sham. We'll make millions. Are you with me?..."

[tonywalt]

Maybe

[Emil Miller]

Well, OK Wayne, we could say that it contains the secret ingredient 'Bristletone VO7' based on an ancient formula found in an Aztec tomb in Wisconsin.

[Sancho]

Good thinking, Cletus, old chap, and I'll have my people leak that the 'V' in 'Bristletone VO7' stands for 'virility', that way we'll cut into Viagra racket as well. Now...

[Emil Miller]

...I've just thought of a TV jingle for Baldness Begone:

While your hair begins to grow
Your libido retrieves its glow
From a dying ember
VO7's just the thing
It puts a veritable spring
Back in your tired member.

[Sancho]

Brilliant! We can't lose, but we're gonna need a fall-guy, a sap, a sucker, you know somebody with more money than sense. Hmm...and then all eyes fell on...

[Emil Miller]

....George Walker Bush who was drinking champagne with brother Jeb among the other guests at the reception.

[Sancho]

...We're gonna make a lot of money, McSwain, Dubya's perfect. He's unimpeachable, also gullible, and oh yes he has a full head of hair...

[Emil Miller]

'But would he be able to get the word order right in the adverts? I mean, he'd probably say :

While your hair begins to glow
Your libido retrieves its grow.....etc.etc.'

[Sancho]

"You know, McSwain, that statement almost works either way."

Meanwhile, across the lawn, next to the ice sculpture, not far from the taco bar, just across from the chocolate fountain, a commotion was brewing...

[Emil Miller]

.....it appeared that some gatecrashers had hauled down the union flag and hoisted the flag of the confederacy.

[Sancho]

As it turned out, the civil war reenactment in the adjacent valley had spilled over into the wedding party, and as folks are prone to do, sides were chosen and the whole thing turned into a real brouhaha; and of course the ever present fog of war was evidenced by the confusion over which battle was being re-enacted, with the men in gray believing it to be the Battle of First Manassas and the men in blue believing it to be Gettysburg. At any rate...

[Emil Miller]

....in the course of the melee George W Bush was knocked out by a well-aimed Coca Cola bottle from the Northern forces while Jeb counter attacked for the South by braining Tarquin with a bottle of Southern Comfort.

[Sancho]

With Dubya down twitching and drooling like a crack baby, and bloodied Tarquin trying mightily to regain control of his sphincter muscle, the Blues and the Grays engaged each other in total warfare. Jeb led his men right trying to out maneuver the left flank of the Union men, who were clustered around a little round table topped with baked goods and confectionary treats.

[free]

The wedding fairies were flying around, invisible to people. One of them smiled seeing the bride's maid snoring with her head on the table. She touched her with her fairy stick and the maid, immediately, got up, took a microphone from the wedding singer, went up on the table and started to sing 'I Want to be a Billionaire'. All the guests...

[bouquin]

. . . sat dumb with pain and motionless with astonishment as Rihana walked in in her jaw-dropping, flesh-baring, titillating, diaphanous gown that looked like it had been fashioned by a team of fairies out of silk spiderwebs and glittering dew drops.

As it turned out . . .

[Emil Miller]

......it was all a dream taking place in mind of G.W. Bush, who awoke just in time to be hit in the eye by a big pizza pie thrown by a Union sharpshooter.

[Sancho]

Having exhausted their ammo supply (cake squares), the union men in an unconventional maneuver fixed bayonets (baguettes) and charged the confederate line, cutting off Jeb the Reb, and forcing Dubya to use nuke-u-ler option. In a very un-diaphanous manner he...




(I had to look up diaphanous, bouquin)

[Emil Miller]

. . . threw back his head and gave out with the Dallas cattle call that caused the herd in a neighbouring field to come crashing through the fence and trample the Union marauders into the ground.

[Sancho]

And so it was, with the help of outside interlopers this time, the South was victorious and had risen again. Diaphanously, Georgette surveyed the wreckage and...

[Emil Miller]

.....with only $40 billion to her name, she married Wayne McSwain and had a statue erected on the spot where Tarquin fell. It was of Sly Stallone her favourite film star.

[Sancho]

And so the story ends, with birds chirping, bees buzzing, and Mother Earth rounding the Sun once again with Copernican accuracy...or does she? A scant seven months later, the planet wobbles wildly out of control when Georgette gives birth to the twins...

[tonywalt]

who drafted plans to invade Poland and Russia with the aide of George W Bush.

[Sancho]

...,but that was still far in the future, after the twins had opened their consulting firm in D.C., which had essentially become the policy wing of the new grass-roots political party in the United States known as The Coffee Party, after they had both graduated with honors from Detroit City Community College, after they had driven their mother, Georgette, to the sanitarium and their surrogate father, Wayne McSwain, to an early grave, after Washington Dulles International Airport had been renamed Washington Dubya International Airport, which was odd since George W. Bush was still living (owing largely to advances in anti-aging pharmaceutical technology at Bristol-Glaxo-Myers-Smith-Merck-Squib-Kline-Bayer International Corporation), long after The Dow had hit 100,000, and long-long after it had become apparent that the twins would both have a richly thick monobrow that even the 43rd President of the United States could envy. First there was the problem of...

[Emil Miller]

.... .

[Emil Miller]

A black politician called Obummer who was threatening to promote state funded health care to the detriment of the McSwain Snakeoil Corporation's Zip-a-Dee-Doo-Dah reinvigorating drinks division.

[neilgee]

so they all clubbed together, I mean they had a whip-round, and

[Emil Miller]

... backed by a further $10 million from Wayne McSwain they took out a contract on Backup Obummer, using Palladio Piccolino, the Godfather of the Piccolino clan, aka Poppa Piccolino.

[Sancho]

But after a couple of shots of McSwain's Magic Elixir, just to settle his nerves, Poppa Pico, with a glazed look in his eye, wandered off more-or-less in the direction of the East River, singing (somewhat off key) his own version of O' Sole Mio.

[Emil Miller]

Meanwhile, Backup Obummer was seated in the oval office trying to figure out a knotty problem
that had bugged him for weeks, but he set aside playstation 4 when he got a call from his personal
security adviser to say that the mob were gunning for him.

[Sancho]

...and it was at that precise moment in time that the sitting President of the United States of America, the first openly Gay-Athiest-Muslim-Socialist Commander-in-Chief that anyone could remember, had a Eureka moment...

[Emil Miller]

If Papa Picolino could be made head of the Federal Reserve, he could print as much money as he wanted and thus the threat posed to Obummer would be immediately lifted. The president reached for the phone....

[Sancho]

...and in the midst of that reach, his eureka moment was quickly followed by a crisis-of-confidence moment. Poppa Pico as Fed Chief could easily bring down the entire global monetary system, and for what, thought POTUS, to save my skin, so rather than dialing up Janet Yellen El Presidente punched in a well-known number, and after ringing only once a man at the other end of the line picked up and said...

[Sancho]

"How-De-Do? State of Texas here, Gov-ner's Mansion, Austin, Texas, J. Richard Perryballs Proprietor, J. Richard Perryballs speaking, call me Dick for short. What can I do fur ya?..."

[Emil Miller]

Hi Dick, it's the President here. I want to discuss a little problem we have with one of your fellow Texans, a certain Wayne McSwayne. I don't want to discuss it over the phone because walls have ears: or as my predecessor would have said 'ears have walls'.

[Sancho]

"Heh-heh, boy-howdy, you ain't tellin' me nothin' - them ears do have walls, and McSwain's a piece of work, eh? Tell what we're gonna do, El Hefe, why 'on't'cha fly on down here on 'r Force 1 and we'll meet, face to face, man to man, have a little mano-a-mano; we got us a real whoop-de-do brewing down on the border anyhow, might be able to work sumpin' out, compredee?"

[Emil Miller]

'Well nothing personal like, but I seem to remember when a US President was last invited to Texas for such a shindig, it didn't work out as well as expected.'

[Sancho]

"Awe hell, Mr. President, we ain't kilt no presidents since...uhh...way back in...hmm..." The President heard the Governor put his hand over the mouth piece, but he could still make out what he was saying: "Hey, uh, Nadine, when's the last U.S. President thet Texas killed?...uh-huh...oh yeah...him huh...alright then," then quite clearly "you ain't got nothin' to worry about, sir, we ain't killed no presidents since '63, and he prolly needed killin', so anyway, what's this problem thet's got yer panties all in a bunch?"

[Emil Miller]

'Well OK then. I was thinking that if you could persuade the presidential assassins to get McSwayne, I could arrange for the CIA to eliminate Poppa Piccolino, who he's hired to get me, and everyone would be happy. Natch the proverbial will hit the fan, what with McSwayne being such a big wheel and all, but we could shrug it off as a conspiracy theory as we usually do.'

[Sancho]

"Hey, big guy, I know I ain't no rocket surgeon, but I wasn't just born on a turnip truck yesterday either. What's in it for me?"

[Emil Miller]

Well I would have thought you'd realise. After all, you're the second biggest shareholder in McSwayne's snake oil company and with McSwayne out of the way your long-rumoured wish to take it over would be a walk in the park, or a palk in the wark as my predecessor would have said.

[Sancho]

"Heh-heh, hush now, those shares are all in a blind trust, you know, me being Guv-ner of TEXAS and all. But even if I did (allegedly) own a near controlling stake in McSwain Industries, I don't really want to run the biz, you know, me being Guv-ner of TEXAS and all, I'd rather let Wayne do the down and dirty, and anyway it seems to me that his (and allegedly my) biggest problem is your Horse-Pucky-Commie-Pinko-Socialist-Democrat Healthcare program. Gimme sompin I kin work with, big guy."

[Emil Miller]

OK here's the deal. I'll order a drone hit on DreamWorks studio complex and blame some arabs for an attack on America's highest cultural achievement, before launching a massive retaliation. I'll give you the nod before the drone attack and you can buy into DreamWorks before pulling out on receipt of my warning pending its destruction. It'll mean really big bucks.

[Sancho]

"Great sufferin' hornytoads, man! What is ya, some kinda embezzle? some kinda ultramaroon? Ya can't bomb DreamWorks, they came up with the roughest, toughest, rootinest, tootinest, shootinest, hombre to ever cross the Rio Grand - name of Yosemite Sam. The rabbit's pretty good too. That was DreamWorks wasn't it? Anyway what sorta lily-livered, low-down varmint uses a drone when he kin just bust in six-shooters a-blazin'? Alright, alright, I'll think of somthin'...don't rush me...I'm a-thinkin'...and it's makin' my head hurt."

[Emil Miller]

Yeah well it wasn't my idea. I got it from a former Vice Presidential book on foreign policy initiatives by Chick Deney, but if you could think up something better I'll even put a 'Vote Perryballs' sticker on my car if you decide to run for the Presidency when I retire.

[Sancho]

"Okay here's the dealeo, Delores, you gotta problem - I gotta problem. You fix mine and I'll fix yours - crisscross. You take a couple of hundred thousand miniature wetbacks offa my hands, and I'll have the TEXAS Rangers take care of your Cosa Nostra problem - they like greasin' greasers. Then I'll personally shoot Wayne McSwain, right in the nuts, or my name ain't Dick Perryballs."

"Heh-heh...'Dick Perryballs for President'...on a Backup bumper sticker...I can't lose!"

[Sancho]

And thus the American political system entered a golden age of mutual respect and cooperation between the political parties as well as between the three branches of government at the Federal, State, and Local levels. Former President G. Dubya Bush described it best when he summoned the highest order of his unique linguistic powers and commented:

"Well, I reckon we're all sh*ttin' in tall cotton now."

http://i971.photobucket.com/albums/ae197/mollyandbruno/Mobile%20Uploads/0344ac96-bbfd-42db-906c-445ec92386d6_zpsb87a4281.jpg (http://s971.photobucket.com/user/mollyandbruno/media/Mobile%20Uploads/0344ac96-bbfd-42db-906c-445ec92386d6_zpsb87a4281.jpg.html)

[Sancho]

Last week, in a bizarre turn of events, Texas Governor Dick Perryballs was indicted by a Federal Grand Jury for the crime of Indecent Exposure. The indictment was the result of a lawsuit filed on behalf of Texas Attorney General, Rosemarie Mascervezasporfavor, who accused the governor of exposing himself to her and members of her staff during a late-night Justice Department meeting at the Texas State Supreme Court Building in Austin.

In an exclusive interview with this reporter, the Attorney General said, "I was embarrassed for him. He just burst in, dropped trou', and said, 'Hey, Rose, check out Big Ed and the Twins!'." She added, "It was pathetic, in more ways than one, if you know what I mean." Then she gave me creepy, solicitous wink.

In a statement after his arraignment at the Federal Courthouse, the Governor said of Attorney General, "She digs me..." He then seemed to be fishing around for something in his pants pockets when he added, "...and my pair of hairy and stately balls."

Most watchers of Texas politics consider the lawsuit to be without merit and simply a political maneuver designed to complicate Mr Perryballs' intention to run for President of the United States in the next election cycle. Karl Rove, Deputy White House Chief of Staff under President George W. Bush, yawned conspicuously said, "That's just how we roll down here in TEXAS, yup-yup-yup-howdy-howdy, business as usual." While David Axelrod, campaign advisor for President Barrack Obama, commented, "Mmm-hmm, they play hard-ball politics down there in Texas."