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Delta40
05-23-2014, 09:13 AM
No testament here
So much menstrual blood
But how funny Eve was created
From Adams rib
Do you really have a problem
In orgasm in women?
Did you know that pleasure brings forth children?
Am I supposed to hate it so you feel superior?

I enjoy sex,
Cover me in a burka
Mutilate my vagina.
You just can't stand that
I'm a part of the beautiful equation

You know me and you joined in love
Is the the only way to produce
The future of this country
It is the best we can do
WolfLarsen
05-24-2014, 07:26 PM
Some great lines here.

Some not so great lines here too.

It's like some lines are weakening the poem because they're not doing their part. It's sort of like a weak laborer working alongside of other laborers dragging back the rest of the crew.

Some lines will always be better than others, whether it's poetry or cocaine. The best lines make it worth it. And the more lines that are doing their work the better.
YesNo
05-24-2014, 08:33 PM
The use of the generic "you" detracts from this poem. That "you" needs a name and a description to justify the hostility, otherwise the reader can too easily assume the poem is a mirror of the author's own problems. Furthermore, the author should be beyond the tension of the poem in order to resolve it or offer a suggestion that it can be resolved. A rule of thumb might be: Create no enemy that one cannot ultimately love.
Delta40
05-24-2014, 10:47 PM
Folks I honestly have no memory of writing this. On Friday night I went for a walk to the park and then I had a seizure. Somebody picked me up off the road and helped me home. They took my house keys and let themselves in. While I was disoriented and floating about like a zombie from room to room as epileptics do, they stole all my valuables.

Apologies if this post caused any offence.
WolfLarsen
05-25-2014, 01:32 PM
Deleted by Wolf Larsen
Delta40
05-25-2014, 06:24 PM
Unfortunately I was serious Wolf but your story was so much more interesting than mine.
WolfLarsen
05-26-2014, 10:56 AM
I deleted my other post since it is not appropriate considering the circumstances.

I'm very sorry Delta. I feel bad. I thought you were kidding.