Vandal

[DieterM]

This is what I expected:
glances first, and coy smiles,
and our mobile numbers
scribbled on business cards.
Then some flowers,
red carnations maybe
or daffodils or jonquils.
We’d know what they mean.
Then an invitation; dinner,
candle-lit and shy,
our hands touching
lightly and adventitiously
while we sip red wine.
And afterwards—perhaps—
a bold first kiss before we…

But you’re a heathen, a
sweet mellow barbarian.
You sit across from me,
drowning my rules and do-nots
by pressing your leg against
mine, by laying a hot moist hand
on my knee; you’re not
into deciphering flowers but
into driving the cutlas of your
open stare into my unprotected
skull. You make me get drunk
on your uncoy smiles; instead of
mobile numbers, we exchange
fluttering heartbeats, and I
count the metro stations, willing,
oh so willing to surrender to your
pirate boarding…

[AuntShecky]

I may be wrong, but I believe there is one more "s," in "cutlass." Just the same the piracy metaphors are cleverly used--"heathen," "barbarian," "skull," (as in "skull and crossbones"),etc. The title's good, but most vandals (esp. the historic, post Fall of the Roman Empire vandals) traveled by land (from Germanica, Gaul, etc.) rather than by sea. Other words you could use: buccaneer, corsair, and a personal favorite "plunderer."

Nice one, though, Dieter. Very personal and intimate.

Auntie

[YesNo]

I liked the comparison between those civilized and the more interesting pirate behavior.

[WolfLarsen]

I didn't like the first paragraph.

But I like the the second one.

The second one took us on an adventure, it took us to the unexpected.

Of course the first paragraph sets us up for the second one, but I almost didn't bother reading to the second one.

But I'm glad I did. It was worth it.

[DieterM]

TY for reading, everyone, I'm glad you enjoyed some of the lines. Dear auntie, you're right about the second "s" in cutlass, at least as far as the Merriam-Webster is concerned (they don't do cutlas with one s there); but everywhere else, to my surprise, I found that both were accepted. Why that is so is beyond me... maybe the "s™" is now copyrighted and part of the Dow Jones and Merriam-Webster have some shares... :-) As for the pirate-image, well, I don't want to overdo it. Of course, most of the pirates were Christian and thus not heathen; and as they came from civilized countries (well, one could discuss the word "civilized" in this context...), they were surely not "barbarians". But that's my favourite line, the "sweet mellow barbarian", so I guess "Vandal" is a better choice.

Pleased and—what? surprised? yes, one could say "surprised" that you liked it, Wolf! I don't think that I've seen you comment a lot, and I guess it comes from your personal views on how poetry should be. You sure have a very clear taste as far as I could see since you came aboard this ship called LitNet. But I am glad you read my lines and that they appealed to you; I do mean it :-) PS: and yes, I agree with you that ergonomics are essential for the modern writer (being 1m85 tall in a country of dwarfs, i.e. France, I often have back aches).