Five Days Gone

[RMDuChene]

Five days gone

in search of my sanity

I’ve emptied many bottles

but found only my mortality



The song of the dragon calls to me

Its lullaby weighs heavily on my eyelids

The surface of the bar against my cheek

feels much cooler as I take my leave



William, Frances, Mother

I shall soon join you inside the abyss

I’ll join hands once again with my sweet Virginia

and we’ll walk the streets of Nevermore

[Haunted]

I like the song of the dragon, and its lullaby. My favorite line is "The surface of the bar against my cheek", it's descriptive not only physically but emotionally. Nevertheless I feel it can be tightened especially towards the end. You probably don't need the abyss, it's understood, and "Nevermore" totally trivialized everything that came before it. It seems that you were aiming for a poem with 4 lines to each stanza. When you do that, you put form before meaning, weakening it. Nothing is more powerful than meaning, form is just an empty shell. It's a powerful poem, don't let form ruins it.

[RMDuChene]

I'm not much of a poet. I just love Poe. This poem is about the last five days of his life...as much as it could be, That is. Thank you for you feedback.

[chevalierdelame]

I just love Poe.

So do I.
And I think your poem is beautiful. Maybe the word 'Nevermore' doesn't quite suit there. But I can't think of anything that would fit in, too.

[Haunted]

Now I got it, it works. It was my fault. I saw a shift from what seems to be folklore to modern to gothic, it threw me off. I liked the sentiment and that's the stuff that makes a good poem.